Relationship I Sent Him A Goodbye Email...then He Does Something So Unexpected...

[Teasel]

@Sabrina0712 understand, If I knew how you could immediately stop caring about this stupid man I'd tell you immeadiately. Take care x

 

[Deleted member 1860]

You need to be single for awhile. Honestly, you have no clue what a normal healthy relationship is. You leave an arranged marriage of many years for this guy, I'm guessing because he showed you the slightest bit of interest that was missing in your marriage. Take time for yourself and stop looking for a man to make you happy.

 

[Sabrina0712]

Thank you @Berlinda...thank you so much from the bottom of my heart thank you for understanding. It's not a on/off switch. If it was that easy n if I was in the right place...trust me I would do it in a heartbeat or take a pill to forget him BUT I care for him A LOT. He knows that...n he took advantage of it over n over again. I can't play games or give him a cold shoulder or be mean to him...its not in me not only for him but anyone. I pray to God everyday to give me the strenght...n it took allot of me to send him an email to say goodbye....it took all of me but I had to do it for my own good.
I don't think he wil contact me again...but when I come to that realisation..it hurts like hell. You can't help who you care for in your life n I did my best w/him over n over again.

 

[Sabrina0712]

@Solara...I wasn't looking for a relationship w/him. I didn't leave my husband to be w/ANYONE. I am proceeding in my life on my own. He was there for me when so many things happened in my life was crazy n I was just in a way returning the favour. I care for him as a person n I loved him for what he was. I wasn't looking to jump in a relationship w/someone who has been married n divorced 3 times. I am smarter than that..but I was looking forward to building a awesome friendship with him.
When I sent him an email stating a goodbye n saying I was done...I meant I was done w/our friendship n the way he treated me n when he just appeared at my house...to me it was the most exciting moment cause I really thought he valued what we had n that I meant something to him.

 

[rightkindofme]

The thing is: even if you love him you can't change the fact that he is hurting you. Right now, your kids need to be your first priority. If someone is hurting *you* then they are hurting your kids because you being hurt... hurts your kids.

You are part of a system now. You matter as more than just you. You really don't have time for such losers anymore.

 

[Born to Run]

Sabrina, I am real sorry for you that this happened, but this thread is a repetition of your earlier thread, and I think it is not fair to come back to the same again. Much has been suggested to you already.

https://www.myptsd.com/threads/o-m-g-what-happened-now.52036/

 

[shimmerz]

but have been reading on this forum to get to know him.

No, no, no, no, no!

How do you get to know someone from a PTSD site? He can go to movies. He can go out for dinner. He doesn't have a hard time with crowds. So what exactly is his 'PTSD'? What is worrying me is that you are thinking his long absences and boorish behaviour is because of his PTSD. Nope honey. He isn't triggered. He said to you 'I can do better than YOU'! 'I don't want you because you have kids!' 'I want someone better than you!'

It seems like you have read information on this site to retrofit a reason for him acting like a complete a**hole. Seriously. That is nuts.

 

[shimmerz]

Thanks for the reminder, Born. Didn't realize. I am out.

 

[joeylittle]

@Sabrina0712, I really want to suggest that you go back and read about how this whole things started with you and him:

Please Help!

I'm not suggesting you read it to hurt you, although it might be painful.

Nothing about this relationship has actually been a relationship. It's been two people (you and him) getting your dysfunctional needs met by each other. I completely understand that he is the first person in your life you've ever felt this way about - but in order to tap into that feeling (which is like a drug, in it's own way) you are perpetuating this cycle of he comes around, uses you for things, you are glad just to see him, he gets mean, you stand up for yourself and tell him to go away, he goes away, then he comes back.

Can you just cut off contact for a few months, see what it's like to be on your own and raise your kids?

 

[Sabrina0712]

It's so easy for everyone to say mean hurtful things...but I am saying it as how I feel right now. I am hurt right now that is all n I was just reaching out...sorta like dishing out my feelings. I have read allot of post on here from carers that have been left out in the cold by some of their sufferers n I was just trying to share my pain.
This has nothing to do w/my past but how I am feeling at this moment.

 

[joeylittle]

This has nothing to do w/my past but how I am feeling at this moment.

I am sorry you are hurting - I guess I'm just trying to help you see that in this case, you and he are repeating the past patterns of the relationship - and I honestly don't think there's a way around it. This will all continue to cause you pain as long as you seek out this relationship.

 

[Sabrina0712]

Thank you @joeylittle...I need to break this cycle. The reason why I posted such a lengthy post to show you what I did if I did anything wrong n what his response was...which is the honest truth. I need to see that he is incapable of keeping a friendship or having someone care for him. I have known him now almost a year n its time to break free. My focus are my kids...n I need to move past this n built my life again.
I just was writing how I felt today n its hurt. If he ever contacts me again...there is no way I will be there like I always was. I guess writing here n reading some of the comments is making me realise that I don't deserve this n no one does n I am trying every which way to be strong again.