General I Think I Am In A Shut Out.

[SummerGirl]

I have known and loved my guy, combat vet a very long time. In the last year we have reconnected. Everything seemed to be going beautifully and picking up speed. And then with no warning or clue he just stopped communicating. Im not sure if I should be completely silent or send occasional light texts.
I am so thankful for this forum, it has been so enlightening.

 

[DaveyMac]

I have known and loved my guy, combat vet a very long time. In the last year we have reconnected. Ev...

Don't give up on him, he is not doing it to hurt you, I have Complex PTSD and I have very recently lost my wife because of this shutting out, it was the last thing that I wanted, give him time, express your fears to him. Have you considered joint counselling? Sometimes a third party can reignite conversation.

 

[Sweetpea76]

How long has it been since you've heard from him?

 

[SummerGirl]

It has been 2 weeks. I know he is under a lot of stress and loss. Its very out of character.

 

[Sweetpea76]

I'd give him a little time... two weeks isn't ungodly long. As long as you're ok with hanging on for a little while, that is.

I think most supporters have a time limit that they're willing to tolerate for isolation. You'll know when it's been long enough for you. You know how long you can go without hearing from him and still consider yourself in a relationship.

 

[SummerGirl]

Thank you so much for all of your insight. He is still quiet. I am not sure what a typical time frame is..im just learning and this is my first go round. But, he is worth standing by even if its just as a friend. I haven't texted in a week, in which I kept really short and light. Should I text at all occasionally? Even something silly?

 

[Sweetpea76]

In my opinion, It depends if he has asked not to be contacted.

If he has asked for space, I wouldn't contact him.

If he hasn't, I may send a lighthearted text every so often. Not daily, and I wouldn't keep texting if there is no response after a few texts.

 

[SummerGirl]

4 weeks in...

 

[Glara]

The longest mine went was 5 weeks. And he did break up with me but then started texting a week later like nothing happened. I still can't wrap my head around it, but I keep coming here and rereading everything. It helps.

 

[EveHarrington]

Are you sure he didn't move on?

It's heartbreaking to read isolation stories------I mean when the supporter thinks its isolation but in reality the sufferer moved on.

 

[Glara]

Yes and no. After he broke it off he started texting again. That's when the long no contact weeks were. Usually 3-4, the longest was 5. That lasted from spring till Thanksgiving. Then he started texting a lot, especially over the holidays. We live in different states so we can't see much of each other. He started asking me to visit and was in constant contact again. That changed recently due to an event in his life. He's more distant now again.

 

[GoatBoston]

Yes and no. After he broke it off he started texting again. That's when the long no contact weeks were. U...

When this sort of thing happens do you just wait for him . ...or do you move on as if he's done and this is the end of the relationship?...I'm struggling to decide this?...I don't want to go 3 weeks without hearing from my guy, and then he pops back in with just texts and no real plans to spend time together again. I find it very odd and confusing. I love him and want to be with him, but I'm not sure if waiting is wise for me.