Childhood If I Wanted To Google Signs Of Abuse

[ExitLight]

All I get is what it looks like when focusing on the victim.
It takes two to tango, and not in the sense that the victim is to blame at all.
It takes two to tango in the sense that in order to have a crime, there needs to be a victim and the criminal.

I see nothing about how to spot signs in someone who may be abusing their siblings.
I see nothing about how to spot signs in both siblings.
It's just... the victim. Why? It's clearly not easier to spot, because when it is spotted, it's ignored.
I think it's just easier to sweep it under the rug.

 

[Deleted member 40995]

I don't know about all cases, but in my situation, my abuser acted very possessive of me, he never wanted anyone else around me, and he answered questions for me a lot, for example if someone asked how we were if I had fun on our camping trip etc. he would not give me a chance to answer, he would go on about how we both had fun so I didn't have a chance to say what really happened. It probably is not like that in every case, but as far as the warning signs of an abuser maybe jealous/possessive behavior, not letting the victim speak for themselves, and spending lots of time with them out of sight of others and giving strange excuses and getting angry when interrupted.

 

[A little lost]

Hi Exitlight,

I think it's because if someone knows what the signs are and miss them, then they don't want to feel that they are complicit by not having done anything or by getting it wrong and accusing someone who is showing the same characteristics but are actually just a shady person. Therefore people don't look. Maybrit only becomes obvious when you analyse behaviour retrospectively once the evidence is present by the signs of the victim's.
Also perpetrators a crafty people who know how to cover their tracks.It is quite possible the signs of them being a criminal are not as clear cut as the the outward signs on a victim whether it is emotional or physical signs.

 

[Deadman]

Perhaps you just need to change your search terms. I googled 'signs that one child is abusing another' and quickly found a site that listed warning signs of sexually harmful behavior in children.

I certainly don't think Google or anyone else is trying to sweep it under the rug. Its just a topic most people don't think about or want to think about.

 

[Weedflower]

I think you're right. And even when you're being abused, there's not much out there to tell you how to know if you start abusing others in turn. Just that it might happen now that you've been abused. Nothing to tell you for sure how to stop yourself from becoming an abuser. Nothing to tell anyone, even if they haven't been abused, when they're abusive.

 

[Deleted member 37085]

Some of the many, many warning signs and behaviors of perpetrators of childhood and adulthood sexual abuse:

• Does not respect boundaries or listen when someone tells them “no”
• Engages in touching that a child or child’s parents/guardians have indicated is unwanted
• Tries to be a child’s friend rather than filling an adult role in the child’s life
• Does not seem to have age-appropriate relationships
• Talks with children about their personal problems or relationships
• Spends time alone with children outside of their role in the child’s life or makes up excuses to be alone with the child
• Expresses unusual interest in child’s sexual development, such as commenting on sexual characteristics or sexualizing normal behaviors
• Gives a child gifts without occasion or reason
• Spends a lot of time with your child or another child you know

Bio-father and step father molested and sexually abused me; and discrediting me on every subject level was part of isolating me from person(s) that would be able to help me; discrediting me - making me unbelievable when trying to talk about past nightmares and trauma events perpetrated by bio and step-father is one of the most efficient ways to prevent child and/or adult from reporting.

My perps called me crazy, stupid, and told me that I would never amount to anything - destroying me core being (self-worth) and self. Psychologically broken is what perpetrators did to me. Beating me physically and torturing me, playing psychological torture games with me and making me feel like I was out of my mind. Again perpetrators destroying my essence; and any attempts at my realization of a self. Perps both drank and were raging alcoholics, and had severe rage issues. Need to get ready for Emdr apppointment. Hope this helps. There are a myriad of other perpetrator warning signs and others will come and help you here. JJ

 

[digger]

Perhaps you just need to change your search terms.

^^^ this

Instead of searching 'signs of abuse', you probably need to be searching 'signs of an abuser', 'signs of an abusive relationship' etc

Lists get posted all the time of how to spot an abuser/narcissist/sociopath etc It is out there.

 

[Freedomfighter]

Hi Exitlight,

I think it's because if someone knows what the signs are and miss them, then they...

Good post, where there is a suffering victim then there is also a criminal that is responsible for that. Anyone that tries to deny a victim the truth is often just another criminal henchman.

 

[ExitLight]

I changed my search terms, but I'm not talking about simply a frustration with not finding what I was searching for without doing that.
I'm talking about the fact that it does take that little extra clarification that you're not specifically talking about the victim, rather than

signs that one child is abusing another.

If I type in "signs of sexual abuse." I believe that both topics should come up.
I saw a slew of victim-based symptoms lists. I did not see many helpful results of the abuser. I am talking about the broader concept of what @Deadman pointed out in the same post:

Not a lot of people like to address the notion that their child, or loved one could be hurting another.
Even though it happens all the time. Because if there is a victim of sexual abuse, there must be by nature the abuser.
So when I search for "signs of sexual abuse," I would hope to see victim and abusers' symptoms list pop up at an almost equal rate. It does not, and not nearly close enough. I have to broaden my search specifically to make Google's algorithms understand that I am looking for the abuser's list because it doesn't show up equally. And that's disheartening to me to see the lack of acknowledgement of abusers in society alone. When people look at and interact with the pages that are specifically victim based at a heavier rate, Google's algorithms will put those at a higher rank in the listings, therefor showing up more often when including tags like "sexual" and "abuse."
A computer is only as smart as the person controlling it, and what shows up to me, on this computer based system, is the result of society constantly focusing on the victim instead of both.

 

[Deadman]

is the result of society constantly focusing on the victim instead of both.

I don't disagree with you but I do find it a little ironic given how many people here say too much attention is given to the perpetrator and not enough to the victim. I do very much respect your efforts to educate others. It makes sense to me to catch children while they are young in an effort stop the cycle of abuse.

 

[Friday]

So when I search for "signs of sexual abuse," I would hope to see victim and abusers' symptoms list pop up at an almost equal rate. It does not, and not nearly close enough.

Ever notice how equal and opposite things show up an awful lot with signs of abuse? One person becomes scared of everyone, another becomes clingy, another becomes confrontational, another becomes almost invisible, another becomes an incredibly good liar, another becomes...?

Dogs are simpler. Beat a dog and only 1:3 things will happen; they'll become a "whipped dog / kicked dog", they'll become mean, or they die. People aren't like that. There is an almost infinite number of ways people respond and react to being abused. Are there trends? Absolutely. But there are dozens of trends. Not just 3 easy answers. Even worse? Each and every single one of those trends? Can be caused by things that aren't abuse. So there are hundreds of variables in play

Same is true for abusers.

The only way to spot an abuser? Is by spotting the abuse.

People like to fool themselves in thinking they can "know". That it's like a red A , or sign someone carries. "Here be monsters." It's not like that.

 

[Deadman]

The only way to spot an abuser? Is by spotting the abuse.

Not true at all. You can spot waring signs of later problems in children. For example there are certain childhood behaviours that are linked strongly to later risks of being a serial killer. Sure not all people who torture animals while children become serial killers but does that mean we stand by and wait till they become serial killers? Or is intervention a better idea?

There are childhood development factors that increase later probabilities of criminal behavior as an adult. Do we wait till they become criminals or do try to guide them to a better path?