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If you can use spoons, how do you make them?

Thread starter #13
don't know where they go - but I guess I don't have a storage area
Yeah, this is what I find too. Spoons dont carry over. But it doesnt make sense to me that we only randomly get spoons either. Some days i have more spoons - or maybe things just dont cost as many spoons, the prices change? This is also why I think there should be/has to be a way to make spoons too.

It's a hard line this self care thing. A tremendous boundary. Nobody gets to screw with it. No exceptions.
No exceptions? what about someones children? My kids needs are more important than mine. I think that's how its suppose to be. ? i dunno.

So the theme I noticed from all the replies so far is basically self-help and boundaries, to save, make and/or conserve spoons.

I think i'm okay on boundaries except for a couple people im still working on, making progress but still losing spoons to sometimes.

Self care. Not so good at. Havent found much that counts as self-care. And often I find doing self care uses up a lot of spoons.
That seems counter productive. Self care shouldnt deplete spoons right?

Meditations dont help me.
I dont sleep well, even though i have a routine and go to bed - doesnt mean ill sleep or sleep well.
physical activity is wracked with anxiety and intrusive thoughts, major stressors.

those seem to be the most talked about self-care things. So, what else is there?

Maybe the better question is not how you save spoons but how you find/found self-care that works for you?
 
#14
No exceptions? what about someones children?
I think it depends on the age. I wish my mother had have modeled her own self care for me. I think it is an important lesson.
I take care of my grandchildren quite a bit these days (both young girls). I absolutely take care of them but I also, now having learned how important it is, model my own self care as well. I think it is crucial to their future health knowing all of these lessons.

My kids needs are more important than mine.
I think not more important. If you are not healthy, you are no good to them, no?
 
#15
I think it's a fine line between being aware/ realizing that without taking care of your basics you can't help someone else (including your children), like @shimmerz said.

I think the biggest thing that can extend spoons is reducing the stress cup, and support, being able to be honest, saying what are worries or fears or the truth. It takes a lot of energy to carry everything yourself all the time, and not have support or people/ things that can be relied on/ have your back. Also, sleep. And pain reduction, emotional and physical, +/or happiness or safety. Definitely reducing stressors.
 
#16
Maybe the better question is not how you save spoons but how you find/found self-care that works for you?
Is still a work in progress but basically by trying shit out, a lot.

Same for finding out which tools helped me and which didn't, or do work in one situation but not another.

I keep a note on my phone, keep a note of tools or self care used, date n time n place n situation and result.

Eg

12/7 3pm Home, Deep Breathing, Flashback +2

Do that often enough for a week or so and you'll soon see what helps in what kinds of situation and what doesn't.

Also making a point of practicing everyday whether you need it or not means when you find yourself in a situation where you need the help the most you're more likely to remember these things are options.

That said I need to do this process again as everything's gone to pot again.
 
#17
elf care. Not so good at. Havent found much that counts as self-care. And often I find doing self care uses up a lot of spoons.
That seems counter productive. Self care shouldnt deplete spoons righ
Self care does deplete spoons - at least for me. So what I have to compare is how my overall day looks if I spend a spoon there vs if I dont.
I know from my experiences that not giving self care a spoon means greater pain and fatigue during the day....which then costs more spoons just to keep moving.


think of that particular spoon as anything that cares for mind/body/soul

Sometimes it's walk,or yoga. Sometimes it's extra rest. Sometimes it's meditation. sometimes It's cooking a healthy meal instead of take out. It's not about the amount of intensity. It's about self care each day. Because that spoon sets the rest of the day

As for the kids...bring them along in this one. Teach them about self care. That way you can double up the results of this one spoon :)
 
#18
I think the idea of self care is not the actual doing of the activity alone. It is how you FEEL about doing the activity. That is where feelings and emotions come into play. That's what I meant, above, about having a general disdain for caring for ourselves. That feeling is most likely tied into the trauma. Trauma induced self loathing can corrupt any type of self care activities and turn attempts to self care into a shit show.

Unconscious triggers can contaminate attempts for self care. Self care can turn into an exercise in firing up the inner critic that ends up in an internal voice that goes into a dialog of something along the lines of "WTF is WRONG with you?" Doesn't matter if the technical aspect is self care. If the inner dialog or feeling attached to it is negative, then that isn't self care.

There are things that you do that can make a minute feel good. By good I mean feelings of gratitude, peace, calm kindness (given or received), appreciation, care, wonder, awe, love for life, joy for existence. Part of the WRAP course asks a key question at the beginning of it.

How do you know when you are well? What is the difference? People would come up with many responses. I tried to get to that here on the forum with a post named "positive triggers'. You can take a look if you are interested. Some responses were:

Taking dog for a walk
Beautiful sunset/sunrise
Morning coffee
Swimming
talking with a friend
Children playing
The smell of rain
Making pancakes for the family
Eating very healthy foods
Having a good night sleep

Why do those things feel good? Because they inspire us heart wise. There is a feeling of wellness for us innate to those activities.

Once that list has been identified, life becomes about 'wrapping' the day around the pursuit of each of these as a goal. I love going for walks. I couldn't. I was terrified to go out and expose myself in that way. It took me a long time and a ton of resources I called in but I got myself to the point that I was walking 10 miles a day. In the winter. Awe inspiring. Since my pancreatitis in May, I have had to drop down drastically in my walking, but am now eating much more healthily. I had to work for the resources for those too.

Self care is not about brushing your teeth. Self care is about supporting yourself in your goal of taking care of your body. Because, you see much of this trauma stuff is about a brain/.body split that someone has imposed upon us. Self care is the act of getting the brain and body back into sync again.

So no, I don't think that self care is supposed to be draining. If it is, perhaps go back to your list again and find a more fundamental act of self care that you can choose as a goal. Start in the morning....what can I do in the morning to inspire myself to put the effort into engineering a day that makes my heart sing?

Never give up on finding your passion. Passion is the antidote.
 
#19
So no, I don't think that self care is supposed to be draining. If it is, perhaps go back to your list again and find a more fundamental act of self care that you can choose as a goal
The challenge for me is that the pain never stops so self care is what I do to prevent it from getting worse. That means I have to physically move or my muscles will seize up. And it always hurts. No matter what activity I try .....and I've tried them all :laugh:...it's going to hurt.

So it's a double edged sword. The spoon for self care drains me to allow me to spend the others in better ways.
 
#21
@shimmerz no worries..I didn't take it as insensitive :)

you were right to suggest that if something isn't working try something else. I think that's what makes self care such a challenge - there are so many things under that heading that you can have ones that suck up all your energy right next to the ones that recharge you.

It's finding that balance that is so frustrating - and where your idea of "how do you feel about it" kicks in. I know I'm in pain. I know doing what I need to do to manage it sucks energy out of me. But when I accept that as fact, instead of expending even more energy fussing about it, then it's so much easier to deal with.
 

Mee

MyPTSD Pro
#22
I have been thinking a Lot about this.

I have realised other people can sometimes give me a spoon. That’s tough as I shave become so antisocial- but maybe why I seek community like this? ( it’s really only rea ice contact that I can be gifted or Advanced a spoon.

Eg- I almost always manage To pull stuff together enough for therapy . In three years I have cancelled twice I think. That’s incredible for me. So looking at what I get from T . It’s not easy emotionally, even if it is physically ( although sometimes physically it’s unhinges me too when in real life ) . I strongly believe the kindness, not ease- it’s not easy - but it’s dynamic in erasure, my limit is respected- I believe the t kindness and even maybe my courage gives me the soon I need for that session. I used to always crash out for the day after therapy - and I did this week and noticed how deeply and to found y ‘ check out ‘ of life was - because I have had the energy to stay on the lanes afterwards increasingly.

I think that real life interaction can be draining but also energising . Kindness And engagement ( ie not agreeing but having discussion where people can supportively but ‘really’ talk without fearing deliberate misconstruing or attack) can be truly souls feeding for me. And is pretty rare.
 
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