I'm Alone And Trying Not To Lose It

[clare]

I'm so scared for my son. He's only ten and now has been put in an inpatient psych hospital for PTSD and depression. My reasonable self says I had no choice, but my traumatized self is screaming inside. I keep remembering when I was "committed" after two days of beatings and rapes and what that "recovery" was like. Now I'm reliving that confusion, fear, and humiliation all over again. I can't help feeling resposible, in part, of adding to my childs pain. I can barely type I'm shaking so bad. I want him home. It was awful today telling him he has to stay in this horrible place for at least 10 more days. He screamed, begged to go home. He just kept crying and saying he was sorry, and that he was so scared and begging me not to leave him. Then the nurse came in and pulled him away from me. I can't say anymore, it hurts.

 

[Ursa]

Clare

I am very sorry for your pain and for your son's also.

 

[Vickym]

Clare,

Hang in there! Know you are doing the right thing for your son to keep him safe. One of the hardest things in life is being a parent. We want the best for our children and sometime the best hurts us.

Right now focus on keeping your son safe!

 

[Surviving]

Try not to compare your time in the hospital to his. Hopefully he will receive better care and more attention than you did. He may not have the same horrible memory of this that you do. Try to stay positive knowing that you are doing what needs to be done. I know it's hard but you'll be there for him when he comes home. He's lucky to have someone who understands exactly what he's going thru, as most PTSD'ers do not. You're a good mom! Don't be hard on yourself!

God bless.

 

[SunnyBrookFarm]

Clare-

I have also had a child hospitalized - but she was older than your son at the time. I remember the first night I came home after her being admitted and I absolutely fell apart. It was a very difficult time - but it was also absolutely necessary. Please know that you are doing the right thing -you are keeping him safe. :Hug_emoticon:

 

[midi]

How devastating. Do you have anyone who can be there with you in real time, a close friend or neighbour? Is there a hospital advocate that can talk to you about what's going on, to help alleviate some of your emotions? Are there other parents you can talk to who have gone through this already?

Hang in there. Keep us updated and write if you can...

 

[clare]

Thank you all,

I just returned from the hospital. Last night was really rough but today my son seems a little better. It's hard to see him so doped up, but it's better than seeing him inconsolable or like a zombie from depression. In addition to psych meds celeoxa and seraquel (forgive my spelling) they also have him on depakote for seizures as he's had two grand-mals and a number of petit-mals this year. I'm not happy about the meds, but I feel there would be now point to therapy when he's so out of control. Two doctor's have mentioned trauma related brain damage, so I guess it is that serious. I wish I had better therapy to deal with this, but all I have right now is you guys, and believe me I appreciate you all very much.

I hope some day to find a group in my area for PTSD-adults, and for children of sexual abuse, but to date I haven't-maybe I should ask child welfare about starting one. My son's hospital does have some outpatient services but they are an hour away-and since I can't drive getting there is tough.

Thanks again everyone. I think I've made through the worst wave!

clare

 

[2quilt]

Keep us informed, Clare and know that you are doing the best that you can do for your son's health.