I'm frozen, help...

[SeekingAfrica]

I can't do this, I can't... it's been 2 weeks and I can't work and if I don't get income soon I'm done. I feel like I'm going to throw up from anxiety. How do I work or apply for work at all if the idea gets me like this? I'm so scared and I need to snap out of it. Even with doing things income takes time. And the closer deadlines are the harder it is... why can't I think clearly here? How do I snap out of this, I'm panic scared all the time.

I want to work and succeed and contribute....
You would think moving would help, but it hasn't, because it's here... I can't breathe here. How do I ever get out of here if I'm buried in payments I haven't completed? In fears and past and panic and debts... I'm so stuck.

 

[Dynamic]

I know this feeling and I wish I could make things better for you :/ it helped me to know - and I didn’t learn until I worked through where your at

— it doesn’t take as long as it feels like it will to get to a better place.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

It doesn't feel so...I'm going to cry, I'm so frustrated with myself. Everything is a mess, I'm a mess. Any time is too much time. I'm starting today with some small tasks and it's still too late. It's too late. I'm going to break. How do I put the pieces of ne back together? I Don't even Iike myself.

 

[Midnightmoon]

Not too late, never too late. Every small task is something positive to hold onto. Start with step one not step 101. Work out just the next goal, sod everything else, one bit at a time

 

[Dynamic]

When I feel like this it helps me to remember a few important things. Important because my survival sorta depends on it

1. My connection with time and space right now is messed up. There’s a disconnection in the line. Things aren’t making full sense. Sometimes a little bit but I can’t hold things together so I need to rest.
2. Rest feels like the enemy because it will delay me getting anything done EVEN FURTHER! But even a half an hour nap, fully shut off from worrying about things, can rejuvenate so you can think much better.
3. Usually when I feel like this I need a minimum of 4 hours of quality (comfy restful) sleep before I can function better.
4. I’ve usually forgotten I need to eat quite a bit. Snacks and meals and high calorie drinks I don’t normally drink like soda
Lots of warm tea (I remember now about the issue you had with eating what you wanted and I’ll pray again cause I’m speechless)


And lastly on my mind is T
One time I wasn’t expecting it because normally she doesn’t interrupt. She said:

I’m gonna have to stop you right there in that train of thought because you’re starting to spiral. And I thank God for that because she made me stop and realize I can help myself calm down as hard as it is, there is always something to try and not give up.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

You guys make me cry. In the good way because someone gets it. I don't feel I deserve it but i hope it helps.
If I get to a cafe I can have what I want

 

[Dynamic]

Of course you deserve it

Cafe sounds good let me know what you get. I’ve had some vanilla chai and talking here helps me too because I’m out of it

 

[arfie]

prayer gives me something to do when there is nothing i can do. let go and let god.

am i diminishing my own capabilities by declaring that god's problem solving skills are vastly more creative than mine. listening for that immensely private quiet voice has netted me many of my most creative solutions. thy will --not mine-- be done. please give me the strength to carry out your will.

i don't care to do the research, but i'll wager i have experienced more healing moments in cafes than any other setting. in the most intense phases of my recovery, they provided me a solid balance between privacy and isolation.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

This one is perfect as it has second floor that is often deserted during day hours, so I get couch and 4 people table to myself. It's perfect for work or clearing your head when you're anxious. And it's on the bus stop for the way back precisely. In January when things were better it was my 'office' frequently.

But I always need to travel early because of how far my parents live so the aim is few babysteps/tasks today from home. Maybe slow walk. Cafe tomorrow.

P.s. anything vanilla sounds fantastic
I just... it's easy to give up on such days. This is actually me trying not to.

 

[Dynamic]

I too love cafes most people are happy to be there

I’ve been walking everyday it’s giving me some sanity

 

[SeekingAfrica]

I think I go one step forwards 2 back. Being out daily is really hard even when I need quiet.
Yesterday I helped my mother in the garden, that was it.

I....today is really awful. I'm so in my head, it's like everything I haven't done is hitting me.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

I know I need help but I wish i knew what I need, besides what I can't have yet ( income).
I'm just not okay.