I'm hanging on a thread

[Kristy]

It feels like there is no redemption or anything. Like I'm stuck exactly where I was 10 days ago but only more exhausted. I'm barely scraping by and I'm tired. But deadlines and expenses and coming and I'm coming up and down between depression and anxiety. Trying to juggle 10 different mini-jobs while doing the job that will get me a normal pay in October? It feels like I'm too tired for that, too panicked, too exhausted, too hopeless to trust it will work.

How do I begin, if it feels the whole world wants me to give up? Yes, I know that's dark but I'm just... trying to give myself reasons to believe I can actually do all that.
Ideas I have plenty, but also starting new things is really tough on me so I'm terrified of working on 10 new side gigs for next to nothing just to get through this.
But if I don't, I do nothing, then nothing changes, I'll keep being in this much pain.

Doesn't really help where I am physically, though that will change soon. I just need to find a way to raise above.
And it feels like everything is pulling me down.

I’m very sorry and I’m in same place. For now I’m hoping to get through this day (I’ve been having severe panic attacks/suicidal thoughts for about a week bc my apartment is being sold)

I’m praying for you all day the minute I stop typing Africa

It feels like there is no redemption or anything. Like I'm stuck exactly where I was 10 days ago but only more exhausted. I'm barely scraping by and I'm tired. But deadlines and expenses and coming and I'm coming up and down between depression and anxiety. Trying to juggle 10 different mini-jobs while doing the job that will get me a normal pay in October? It feels like I'm too tired for that, too panicked, too exhausted, too hopeless to trust it will work.

How do I begin, if it feels the whole world wants me to give up? Yes, I know that's dark but I'm just... trying to give myself reasons to believe I can actually do all that.
Ideas I have plenty, but also starting new things is really tough on me so I'm terrified of working on 10 new side gigs for next to nothing just to get through this.
But if I don't, I do nothing, then nothing changes, I'll keep being in this much pain.

Doesn't really help where I am physically, though that will change soon. I just need to find a way to raise above.
And it feels like everything is pulling me down.

I just saw this is from over a week ago. I hope you’re feeling better

 

[SeekingAfrica]

I’m very sorry and I’m in same place. For now I’m hoping to get through this day (I’ve been having severe panic attacks/suicidal thoughts for about a week bc my apartment is being sold)

I’m praying for you all day the minute I stop typing Africa

Hi @Kristy

Are you still on the forum? Can't tag you. In case you're reading this: I'm okay. For now. After a hell-ish week, I won't be evicted for at least a month, so for now I'm okay. Hoping to keep it so.

I'm sorry you're struggling too! I once had to move out because the owners decided to sell the place rather than rent it anymore. They thought it would take months, but it took a week and I had to move out same month. It was quite the experience. But this time was scarier because I had no income for a minute here. So figuring out my future felt like a minefield, like anywhere I turn something will explode and I'll have to deal with the fallout.

I'm a smidge safer now and working to bring in some income by the end of the week. I hope all goes by plan.
I can relate to the panic attacks. If you're still here, keep writing in the forum and keep taking everything one step at a time. You can get through this, even when you don't believe you can! We'll be here to remind you. Just like everyone did for me.

I never thought I'd think this, but community matters a whole lot. Especially if you're lost and scared. We have to lean on each other.
I'm still here and hoping to continue growing and be able to help others the same way soon.

 

[Kristy]

Hi @Kristy

Are you still on the forum? Can't tag you. In case you're reading this: I'm okay. For now. After a hell-ish week, I won't be evicted for at least a month, so for now I'm okay. Hoping to keep it so.

I'm sorry you're struggling too! I once had to move out because the owners decided to sell the place rather than rent it anymore. They thought it would take months, but it took a week and I had to move out same month. It was quite the experience. But this time was scarier because I had no income for a minute here. So figuring out my future felt like a minefield, like anywhere I turn something will explode and I'll have to deal with the fallout.

I'm a smidge safer now and working to bring in some income by the end of the week. I hope all goes by plan.
I can relate to the panic attacks. If you're still here, keep writing in the forum and keep taking everything one step at a time. You can get through this, even when you don't believe you can! We'll be here to remind you. Just like everyone did for me.

I never thought I'd think this, but community matters a whole lot. Especially if you're lost and scared. We have to lean on each other.
I'm still here and hoping to continue growing and be able to help others the same way soon.

Thank you Africa! I’m very very glad you’re doing better

The only thing that calms me down is talking to a trusted person. Yesterday it was my ex-husband, but he did help. And now I have a whole continent of lovely people here thank you so much and once I figure out how to get tagged I wil, bc I want to keep hearing how your doing and offer support of course

Thank you!