Sufferer I'm in an abusive situation now

[Nickle]

I'm not sure if this is just a place for survivors. I'm in a very abusive situation now and I am alone. I keep trying to make a plan to leave, but I am such a mess and things keep getting worse. I just wish I had someone to talk to who understands and won't say things like if it was so bad you would just leave. I'm disabled and I need to work but I am so stressed all the time. I can't sleep and I can't stop clenchng my jaw and grinding and breaking my teeth. I cry everyday which makes me more pathetic and makes things worse. I need to pull it together and work and leave, but most days I can barely move. I just don't know what to do. I've asked for help before and it didn't go well. My abuser is very well respected in our community and no one believed me. How do you block everything out enough so you can function and work and leave. Maybe someone here has been in this situation and can tell me how they did it.

 

[BeTheLight]

I'm not sure if this is just a place for survivors. I'm in a very abusive situation now and I am alone. I keep trying to make a plan to leave, but I am such a mess and things keep getting worse. I just wish I had someone to talk to who understands and won't say things like if it was so bad you would just leave. I'm disabled and I need to work but I am so stressed all the time. I can't sleep and I can't stop clenchng my jaw and grinding and breaking my teeth. I cry everyday which makes me more pathetic and makes things worse. I need to pull it together and work and leave, but most days I can barely move. I just don't know what to do. I've asked for help before and it didn't go well. My abuser is very well respected in our community and no one believed me. How do you block everything out enough so you can function and work and leave. Maybe someone here has been in this situation and can tell me how they did it.

I did it.
I stayed until i made a plan to get out.
Tip. Dont tell him your plans.
I left because he had intent to kill. He called 911 on me and said i was going to kill myself and him and the police came. But before they came i fought for my life. I mean that.
I am lucky to be alive.
I never went back.
I left absolutley everything
I have my dog.
I have my OWN HOUSE.
A better car
A better job
I take care of myself
I have friends !!
I talk to my family again :)
You can go to a shelter and never go back.
Do it.
Dont think about it.
Wait for him to leave and do it.
Dont be the 90% that go back. Be the 10% who leave and never look back.
Dont talk about money, you have a job, dont talk about housing, youll get it, dont talk about the ifs the butts the how did you do it.
Anyone can do it.
Its your commitment to yourself to leave and do it on your own with your own story. f*ck my story. Her story. Make your own story. If tou cant leave your history you cant find your destiny. T.d. jakes
God bless.
P.s. stash that money slowly. Dont let him know. Make spare car keys. Make a plan. Tell a trusted person you know. Ask the police for assistance they can escort you out via assistance with disability.
Love you beautiful your so worth living.<3 read psalm 35

 

[Nickle]

Thank you. It's a them. I've already tried the family justice center, and he has called the police before on me and when I told them he was abusive they didn't believe me. I don't really have a job, I drive for Uber and my car is on it's last legs. I don't make enough to save anything, I can't even afford to get the medical treatment I need. But I know I have to work more no matter how I feel and save some money. I am born again and right now I read Deuteronomy 31:6 several times a day. I am living with my abusive parents. They stole everything from me at the beginning of my illness and I never got the medical treatment I needed and my physical condition is just bad. I know on one level I can get better if I just leave. I am planning on moving into my car but I still need to save to have money to survive. No one believes me. I had a full hysterectomy five years ago and have not been okay since. I simply can't afford hormone therapy. That was when things got really bad. He has always told everyone he could I was a drug addict and several other horrible things. After the hysterectomy I couldn't sleep and was a mess and people started believing him. I am isolated from evryone. They look at me like I am scum of the earth. We go to a lot of the same doctors and many of them refuse to treat me. EVen though I have them do a blood test and test me for drugs every time. I'm so tried. He has kicked me out before and when I am in my car I have calm and peace. All the rest sucks, but it's better than this. I'm having some serious health issues and I'm just so tired. It's constant. I fell like I'm just making excuses. I am in a constant state of terror and I need to figure out how to block it out and function.

 

[BeTheLight]

Thank you. It's a them. I've already tried the family justice center, and he has called the police before on me and when I told them he was abusive they didn't believe me. I don't really have a job, I drive for Uber and my car is on it's last legs. I don't make enough to save anything, I can't even afford to get the medical treatment I need. But I know I have to work more no matter how I feel and save some money. I am born again and right now I read Deuteronomy 31:6 several times a day. I am living with my abusive parents. They stole everything from me at the beginning of my illness and I never got the medical treatment I needed and my physical condition is just bad. I know on one level I can get better if I just leave. I am planning on moving into my car but I still need to save to have money to survive. No one believes me. I had a full hysterectomy five years ago and have not been okay since. I simply can't afford hormone therapy. That was when things got really bad. He has always told everyone he could I was a drug addict and several other horrible things. After the hysterectomy I couldn't sleep and was a mess and people started believing him. I am isolated from evryone. They look at me like I am scum of the earth. We go to a lot of the same doctors and many of them refuse to treat me. EVen though I have them do a blood test and test me for drugs every time. I'm so tried. He has kicked me out before and when I am in my car I have calm and peace. All the rest sucks, but it's better than this. I'm having some serious health issues and I'm just so tired. It's constant. I fell like I'm just making excuses. I am in a constant state of terror and I need to figure out how to block it out and function.

Yes you have to take responsibility and take action.

 

[Ronin]

Hi,

Welcome and glad you found us & are reaching out. :) Sorry for the hurt you are in, though very glad you are hanging in there day by day, and thinking of how to get out. No small task, that. Serious kudos.

Okay, with work...
For starters, are there any jobs you could do from home, or part times that would be accessible?

Are you able to study / do online work / do in person home work and the like, or does your abuser prevent you from focusing on anything and anyone else than him?

Two, what gives you strength / hope / comfort / helps you go on? ;)

Edited: Thank you, your other post answered a lot of these thoughts I had.

So you *do* have a job, you're a responsible and safe driver ;) Awesome. So looking for a second job to cover medical expenses & living costs. Makes sense.

Is there any paid volunteering you could do, comes to mind?

 

[Nickle]

Right now I have nothing that calms me, I can't focus enough to even sit and read a book. I have no one to talk to. My health is getting much worse because I just can't sleep. I take a lot of melatonin and sometimes can sleep a few hours. I'm just exhausted and I can't see a time when I will be safe. I wake up crying and then can't go back to sleep. I was a good writer and haven't been able to write in many years. They went away over the holidays and I was able to relax and started writing again. But then they came back and the tension came back and now I can't do anything. I sit outside wrapped in an electric blanket. Whenever I go into the house he glares at me and curses at me. So I stay outside. But he is always yealling. I can hear him. My mother does whatevevr he tells her to do. I'm not allowed to cook and if I pput food in the refrigerator he takes it out and it goes bad. So my diet is horrible. I just eat crackers that I can keep in my room. I don't know if I should write this here, but they made me take out a life insurance policy and name my mother as the beneficiary when I got sick and had to move back in with them. I think I might be beyond help. I have so little strength. And they just keep coming at me. I've been in this heightened state of anxiety for about a week now. I just can't calm down. My father has an addiction to porn and is in a lot of debt. He just gave me a new list of charges for staying here and I don't make that much money. My credit is terrible. I have three degrees but it doesn't matter because I just can't function. My faith is the only thing that keeps me going. I can't even concentrate enough to read the bible. Is this forum even a place I should be? Being told to take responsibility by someone who might understand hurts eeven more. I'm just crying again and feel so much worse.

Hi,

Welcome and glad you found us & are reaching out. :) Sorry for the hurt you are in, though very glad you are hanging in there day by day, and thinking of how to get out. No small task, that. Serious kudos.

Okay, with work...
For starters, are there any jobs you could do from home, or part times that would be accessible?

Are you able to study / do online work / do in person home work and the like, or does your abuser prevent you from focusing on anything and anyone else than him?

Two, what gives you strength / hope / comfort / helps you go on? ;)

Edited: Thank you, your other post answered a lot of these thoughts I had.

So you *do* have a job, you're a responsible and safe driver ;) Awesome. So looking for a second job to cover medical expenses & living costs. Makes sense.

Is there any paid volunteering you could do, comes to mind?

 

[Ronin]

Yep, @Nickle. This forum is totally where you should be. While the main focus is a single disorder, PTSD, other traumatic situations & tangled current times often feature, so it is good you talk up.

Sorry that post made you cry. I think the poster meant to cheer you up, saying you *can* get out... and to try for it. Not to tear you down or give you grief.

Personally? I'd try to go, settle debts later, and with proper legal counsel that can tell me which of their claims are bogus, which are legit, and how much it is my problem, vs their they try to pin on me.

You said you have 3 degrees. Whoah you. *high fives* That tells so much awesome about you... like that you are smart & can persevere. You can totally use that strength to save your life.

Can you pray to the Lord for strength & opening of paths to get out fastest and assisting people, and then act on that prayer?

And: Writing will return when less busy surviving. Your words and art didn't go anywhere.

Food, any and all, IS good food, well done. Crackers are better than nothing. So damn proud of you for taking care of yourself & surviving.

 

[TruthSeeker]

I left the abusive hubby...and dysfunctional family and will never go back....
I made a plan, and stashed away the cash....
I stashed money in a variety of places.....and did small side jobs to make extra money.....
Making extra money, clipping coupon (coupon saved is a dollar earned) became my 1st priority-but I wish therapy had been a priority.....doing it alone....so very hard,
I pd off all credit cards, and didn't charge anything,
I used my car for safety....
I sold things at a friends garage sale...

Distractions:
To stay focused, I put most of my energy into working more than usual...and saving money
I did not read well when I was stressed, but video games helped with distracting me,
Old TV shows w/o violence and disrespect.....good distractions,
stayed in my bedroom in the evening....went to bed early to prevent arguments; I stopped fighting back and was more compliant......peacemaking attitude to.....minimize drama....
I found and focused on positive hobbies and creative endeavors....
Through "cleaning" I went through my things.....and tossed things out, gave them away, or sold them when possible....
organizing and cleaning out projects a helpful distraction.....I had a friend who kept some boxes of stuff that I didn't want broken at her home....

Replacements:
Caught up with some distant relatives to connect with family that wasn't so crazy....I put more energy into writing/emailing other family and friends.....and I worked hard to stay connected with others
Replaced staying home with water aerobics....keeping connected to others....and regular water aerobics helped with sleep.

Sleep
I went to the doctor and was honest about my sleep issues....he told me to take OTC magnesium citrate and told me to try dramamine, melatonin.....and relaxation support on my phone. Your doc may have ideas for you to help w sleep.

Spiritual support....I went to UU church.....kept me connected with people.

When you leave....it will be easier if you have community connections in place, some things stashed in a save accessible place like: clothes, meds ( I have collected extra meds over time) food, money, hidden away from your home (w a supportive friend) with easy access.