Im just having such a hard time

[Divine]

I'm still having such a hard time, Still having trouble with therapists who don't feel confident or competent with CPTSD, still loosing days each week to being unwell, still tried and sad and stressed. Now I have lost my mother who stopped supporting me when I was dumped by my last therapist for being suicidal during my best friend's father's funeral. And no work is insane and I've got to reapply for funding to finish my big project and have a month to do 6 month's work. Im exhausted and I just want to be better. I see my friends stop caring about this, get bored with not being able to fix me, or me being a wakling catastrophe- those who do care don't know what to do. Dating is impossible and dates are continually scared off by mental health, even if I can manage my own aniexties.

 

[Survivor3]

Sorry that your having a bad time. It's tough. How are you today?

 

[Divine]

hey thanks for checking in- today is a bit better putting the shit with my therapist behind me and getting some important work done today helped- things still unresolved with my mum etc but at least today has been a little kinder

 

[Survivor3]

That's good. Little victories are important. When you say getting some important work done today...do you mean with your therapist?

 

[Divine]

Thank you, basically she realised on Monday that I smoke as a way of medicating my PTSD (not all day everyday) and she said I'm not going to full recover whilst Im smoking, which was very triggering as I don't want to keep living with this ongoing PTSD. But having something which means I feel like I get a holiday from having PTSD for an evening makes such a difference for me and detresses me a lot after all these things Im still dealing with as on going problems outside of the PTSD as well. I'm happy with using this, which is prescribed for PTSD in LA but obviously not here (UK). But its hard when you feel you have to justify that your coping mechanism is not an addiction.

 

[Friday]

prescribed for PTSD in LA but obviously not here (UK)

The same is true in the States as in he UK… if a person is using a psychoactive substance (meds, drugs, alcohol) in order to deal with trauma/symptoms? They won’t be fully recovered until they no longer need to use substances to mask/manage/or catch a break from their symptoms.

It’s why when people are medicated they usually -ideally- go through trauma therapy TWICE. The first time with chemical distance on board, often the only thing that allows trauma therapy to happen in the first place; the second time, straight. There’s often overlap, however… as people start peeling back meds as they learn new coping mechanisms, stress & symptom management, start processing trauma.

What it doesn’t mean is someone has to never take a benzo, smoke a bowl, or sip a whiskey ever again in order to recover from trauma/PTSD.

 

[Divine]

Yes, and I've been in therapy for 6 + years. only started smoking 2 years ago.