Relationship I'm Really Having A Breakdown

[Glara]

I'm sorry to be complaining all the time but I'm really having a breakdown. I know he is having a much worse one than me. But I also know he can use his phone from the hospital, and seems to have purposely limited the status updates I can see, which is why I don't know what to think or believe.

There's only one counselor near me that takes my insurance. I contacted them by email last month but the y never responded. I tried again today. It's very hard for me to call from work. I really need a live person to talk to or I'm not gonna make it. I can't even call a hotline because it's run by the agency I work for. I just don't know what to do.

 

[nursenurse]

Is there a national hot line you can google? Something not affiliated with your agency? If you are feeling that close to break down, you might need to head to your nearest hospital, I wonder if they have a crisis intervention team? Please look after yourself. There is no relationship worth destroying your health and inner peace over.

 

[Sweetpea76]

@Glara , if he is starting a new treatment program, it is going to set him off-balance. He may not want to talk to anybody really, especially if you know him better than most others. I wouldn't take it personally hon. :hug: Hugs if you accept them.

 

[Glara]

I don't think I need a hospital, but I definately new to talk to someone or I will need a hospital. I can't get off the couch. Going to work uses all my energy. As for a hotline, I just meant one to talk to someone. My understanding is that the national hotlines connect you to the local one.

I'm trying not to take it personally from everything I've read. Everybody has been so helpful and I really appreciate it. My problem isnt just what's going on with him but the fact that I have no one to talk to. Basically I was raising my daughter and my social life consisted of her activities. She moved out and now I don't really have anyone. I have one friend that lives a few hours away and one in ither state. The only local friend doesn't bother with me anymore since she had a roommate move in with her. There's a lot of other things in my life too that I don't talk much about on here and without a friend to talk to it's extremely difficult.

 

[Friday]

A burner phone is $5 at most grocery stores. $10 for $2 per day air time. It asks for your zip code (to set the burner's number). Pick one out of state. Most relay switches go via area codes, not GPS... although they could go from the cell tower you're calling from, if they're run through a big server? Like a nationwide 800 server? The likelihood of you getting bounced to your own job is slim if you use a California, or Mississippi, or Rhode Island area code.

 

[Trace911]

Ok- use your words. Message or whatever. I listen well, and know the feeling of thinking that your head will explode if you can't get it out. So just freaking talk. Who cares who sees? We've all been there- mostly.

 

[Queen Boudica]

Basically I was raising my daughter and my social life consisted of her activities. She moved out and now I don't really have anyone. I have one friend that lives a few hours away and one in ither state. The only local friend doesn't bother with me anymore since she had a roommate move in with her. There's a lot of other things in my life too that I don't talk much about on here and without a friend to talk to it's extremely difficult

I think this is a huge insight. This is what needs the focus. I think your concerns about the guy who is now in hospital is a way of distracting from these issues. And you seem to become emotionally tied to his stuff and he is not giving you anything back and has treated you really badly as far as I can see, and he is distracting you from having to face this and bringing you further down. You need help with yourself, not with trying to help him.

I know how you are feeling. I feel so alone and there are no real friends to talk about this. Loneliness spirals into depression so easily. You have posted on here lots but so much of it is about this man and not so much about yourself.

Keep trying that counsellor and don't take no for an answer and keep phoning till you get someone to talk to and your work should be understanding as you sound severely depressed and you need help. You may need to go to hospital. What about your GP?, a church person, if you are religious?

Posting and talking on here helps. Have you got a diary. There you could open up about your other issues. It helps. And there are always people to support on here. But it needs to be about you. Not this guy, he is bringing you down. And I am sorry if I sound blunt, but you need to focus on you.

 

[Trace911]

Agree with @BrokenButterfly - this is your life. At some point we all recognize that we have to stop living for others... Partners, children, parents, whoever. Choose you.

 

[sun seeker]

Hi @Glara, sorry to hear you're having such a rough time. I'm also available if you want to PM mean. Not quite the same as talking but I'm a pretty good listener if you just want some human contact. Or you could see if there's anyone on chat.
:hug::hug:

 

[Glara]

@Lizio I talk mostly about him on here because thats why I'm on this forum, and I was on here before my daughter moved out and my friend got her roommate. It's just that those two things happened and then this happened with him. And while I am admittedly very lonely, am also very worried and and confused.

I don't know that he's treating me badly. He's long distance and that makes it harder to gage certain things. Hes inthe hospital for having a suicide plan. He's got serious issues. Unless the whole thing is a big giant lie, then I don't think he's treating me badly, at least not intentionally. The hard part is that as someone without ptsd, it's very hard to understand when your ptsd partner pulls away. Many people have posted some good explanations which I read and reread to try to understand. And sometimes I do.

It is my problem that's I don't have a girlfriend to talk this over with and go shopping with and go out for drinks with. There's no distractions but work. I agree that is a problem. And that problem is magnified by the fact that is winter and dark and cold and I have seasonal depression every year. It's hard to make new friends when you're older. There's no social network for me. I'm not religious or I would go to church, that'd would be a place to meet friends but it's just not something I can do. I've looked into everything else I can think of.

I actually think a move would help but unfortunately it's just not something I can do at this time.

As for him being a distraction from my problems here, I don't think that's the case. We dated when we were young and we become very close again over the past 8 or so years, but it was last year that we picked up where we left off. So, he's more than a distraction.

And I am relieved that he's in the hospital because he needs the help. He came to me when he first got this bad. Now he's shutting me out. This is extremely difficult for me to understand no matter how much I read it. I think about how I didn't hear from him for a couple of days and then he texted me his suicide plan, it makes me sick. I was at work. And he apologized for ruining my day. It's overwhelming me, and not having anyone to talk to is making it that much worse.

 

[joeylittle]

@Glara, you can also go here - http://www.nami.org/ - and look up your area and look for a group you could go to. Any group. Even just listening to others in 3D life who are struggling can help, enormously.

And leave him alone, and leave the thoughts of him alone. He's doing his thing. You need to do yours. Don't use him to avoid your own.

This can be a great resource as well : http://www.7cupsoftea.com/

 

[Queen Boudica]

Now he's shutting me out

Look you don't know that. But you are using that to bring yourself down. What is happening with him, you cannot know. He is in hospital that is huge.
I've read your posts you are hugely emotionally tied in a VERY negative way.
Yes he texted you a suicide plan that wasn't OK.