Impossible Situation

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I did bring this up with my doctor and met with a shrink, who said it wasn't postpartum but severe sle...

Have you tried meeting with the doctor again?

Also, is the father a decent person? I seem to remember past posts indicating that he is not. Therefore, as desperate as you are, please make sure you consider all aspects of your choices. And remember you are severely sleep deprived right now and you may make a decision that you come to regret. I would recommend checking in with the doctor or the hospital again and see if you can get some sleep.

 

[SoSadGuilty]

I did bring this up with my doctor and met with a shrink, who said it wasn't postpartum but severe sle...

Awww @Casey_03 you poor chicken you are just exhausted. I wish I could offer to call over and take baby for a walk to let you sleep. Your baby needs you and all you can do is the best you can manage at this time. Baby is pooping, feeding and peeing? Then baby is just fine and you are doing a tremendous job. Maybe give yourself a day off from work tomorrow if you can at all and get some fresh air and try to nap with baby as much as you are able? Would you consider trying a GoFundMe for a flight home?

 

[scout86]

I'm going to throw something out here that will probably upset those of you who had/have any attachment to your mother.

Sometimes maybe the best thing to do is pull the plug. I don't have, and never had, and can't imagine having, any attachment to my mother. I wasn't what she wanted, did nothing, as an infant, but cause her distress. It started as a miserable relationship and never got better. I'm not exaggerating. If I hadn't had a biological father in the picture, who could see me as an acceptable baby, I'd bet I'd be dead. A shaken baby, before the term existed. I know there are a lot of members here who had bad adoption experiences, but I kind of wish that had been an option. Which doesn't mean she couldn't be a mother. Seems like she got along with my brother just fine.

Casey I really respect you for going through with the pregnancy and giving this little guy a chance. I'm not sure I'd have had the guts to do that. But if you really don't think you can handle this, I can totally understand. I lived the other side of this. (Although I don't think my mother even blamed herself, just me.) I don't think you're much like her, beyond being pushed beyond what seems doable. Sometimes the reasonable thing to do is quit.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I like @scout86 's response. Sometimes things are too challenging. However, I would want to see you try to find a way for some refreshing sleep first so you can not be so in the moment to make the best decision. And search your heart, can you know that life with this child won't always be like this and do you want to give the baby up and if so what would be the best situation for this baby if you choose that option.

 

[TinkerG]

Hi @Casey_03

Its been quite awhile since my baby was a baby but he was very similar to your baby... he ate every two hours, I could not pump any milk whatsoever and I did have the father in our lives but he never ever touched the child or changed a diaper or watched the baby so I could sleep. For the first 3 to 4 months, I got no sleep. We both got bronchitis when he was 2 months and so I spent 2 full weeks taking care of a very unhappy and sick baby when I was also unhappy and sick... not sure how we got through it... but we did. And you will too.

Most babies are like this. You are not a bad mother, you are highly sleep deprived.

edit: I gave him formula if I could not feed him (not that he liked it, but sometimes you have to do what you have to do and it wont hurt your child one bit).

Please do not make any decisions about the baby until you are fully rested. If you can afford to, hire a nanny for at least one or two nights/days a week and go find a motel and sleep. If you have to, pay only half the amount of a couple of household bills (thank you @coco9, for that wonderful idea, in another thread!) to make it affordable, the sleep deprivation only lasts for a few months. I had a neighbor come and help for a few hours a week.

When you are ready to make the decision about keeping the child, ask yourself -

• do I love this child?
• am I willing to spend the next 30 years being its mother, giving it the love, care, comfort, money, attention, and wisdom that I have worked so hard to get?
• am I willing to miss this child's growth, birthdays, hugs & kisses, first tooth, first step, first word, first day at school, first friend, first everything ?
• am I willing to give up all ties to this child - completely, absolutely, unconditionally and FOREVER?

I wish you all the best, please take care of yourself and get the much needed rest you deserve.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

I can't take care of him. I don't know which is the lesser of two evils - giving the father the sole c...

I'm sorry about jumping ahead... haven't read everything and maybe someone already suggested this. I have 3 young kids myself, so what you're describing brings back a lot of memories.

I truly don't mean to add to your burden, but have you considered postpartum depression? Your symptoms sound like everything I've heard about it. You can also get help for it which will ease some of your pain. Maybe look it up just to find out. Yes, going back to the hospital sounds like a good idea to me. Something I would do.

PLEASE don't give up your baby to his father!!!! Your baby needs you regardless of how hopeless all of this is right now. Please please please don't even consider it an option. This idea brings me to tears!!!!

 

[Pencil]

I can't take care of him. I don't know which is the lesser of two evils - giving the father the sole custody he's been demanding or giving him to an adoption agency. But I cannot keep him anymore.

When my daughter was about 3 months I felt the same. I was alone with her on a farm, and i worked from home, just like you. She woke up twice during the night and stayed awake for EXACTLY 1.5 hours with every feeding. i started feeling psychotic from lack of sleep.

You need sleep. Breastfeeding seems the biggest obstacle. Then switch to formula. NoT ideal i know, but this seems to be the difference between losing him and staying sane.

 

[Pencil]

Oh, and btw: Welcome to motherhood.

Again I'm going to ask you to get a grip on yourself. Start looking for serious, hardcore solutions to the problems. And implement them.

 

[claroscuro]

Hi @Casey_03. I'm so sorry to read about the situation you're in. My heart goes out to you.

While I do have a little girl, my partner breastfed, so I don't feel I can really offer any advice beyond what has already been given by others.

With regard to sleeping, I have a suggestion that I hope may help. I also suffer from insomnia, running on 2-3 hours of sleep a day. Sleep deprivation will absolutely make anyone a little wonky, so this really isn't any kind of failure on your part.

When I am in my insomnia cycle, I have found that even if I can't sleep, just listening to soft, soothing music while laying down for a bit (and trying to focus only on the music) often helps me feel a bit more refreshed and less frayed. I believe it's the only way I don't completely lose the plot during my insomnia cycle.

We used similar music to get our daughter into sleep-mode, and the music also helped calm her while she had colic. I also found that it helped getting baby back to sleep faster after nighttime feedings since I always have music playing at night when I'm trying to sleep.

I agree with what others have said about making a decision about keeping your baby when you are sleep deprived. Sleep deprivation messes with your brain in the worst ways.