In Spite Of It All, I Can Run

[Becky_From_Canada]

I'm just back from a 12km training run, and while I still have the Runner's High going on, I thought I'd post something that I think is kind of cool.

I haven't told my story here yet, but my trauma included an incident in which I was kicked almost to death. My list of injuries as documented by the hospital ran to three pages, and it included a broken ankle that STILL gives me problems from time to time, 20 years later.

In spite of that, I can run. Haven't tried a full marathon yet, but I run a lot of half-marathons. And every time I cross the finish line of a race - no matter what the distance - it feels like a big F-YOU to my abuser. And that feels absolutely freakin' fantastic.

Becky

 

[NIKI]

You go girl! :)

 

[maddog]

Becky, this was one of the most inspiring and uplifting things I have read in a long long time. I want to keep it actually, and to think of it, both on the times I can also feel that high of exercise and hard physical exertion, and the times when I can't, but want to...

Exercise keeps me alive, it truly does. And next time I'm slogging it out hard at the gym, I'm going to remember what you wrote, and I'm going to send a huge "f you" to my abusers too.

Thank you for sharing. This hit me for a 6, in the best possible way!

Maddog

 

[cragger65]

Becky,

Nice. Very, very nice. I have found for myself that THE ABSOLUTE HARDEST PART, BARRE NONE has been getting to a place where I could believe ANYTHING was ever going to be possible for me again.

It was Tija, an EXCELLENT friend that I have found on this board, and stayed in pretty tight and consistent contact over the past three years. She has helped me, so very much, and I hope that I have been able to be of aid to her at her times, to the best of my ability while wrestling with my own "special" shite.

As my Nuero-psych told me recently, yet again for the umpteenth time it would seem, "Sometimes Courage means getting out of bed". I hated her at one time, for suggesting that I "lower myself" to accepting where I was… NOT WHO I AM - just where I was.

What begins as hell, becomes a burning house. Then comes the courage to leave it, until I'm in the mood for a bonfire, in a good way again =)


Cheers and Kudos and ALL that Good Stuff!! = :D

 

[cragger65]

I want to be the person my dog thinks I am.

Dogs are not capable of complex analysis. They need to rely purely on their *knowing*. Their lives once depended on it.

I think we all need to start paying closer attention to how our loved ones, pets, etc. see US. They are not blinded by the fog behind our own eyes.

 

[Mark JT]

Becky, great story yours and love the fact that you also get running highs. I run every morning which sets my day up and to read that you feel like its a big f**k you to your abuser is awesome.

Keep running!!

 

[ptsdpain]

Becky - what you wrote inspired me to work out HARD today. I have lost 7 pounds so far & looking for my next 7!

 

[cragger65]

As my Nuero-psych told me recently, yet again for the umpteenth time it would seem, "Sometimes Courage means getting out of bed". I hated her at one time, for suggesting that I "lower myself" to accepting where I was… NOT WHO I AM - just where I was.

I should point out, for my own peace of mind if nothing else, that what I say above was where I was at many years ago. My Neuro-psych has walked with me through hell and back, and I don't think anyone else on the planet could have done what she has done for me. Love, admiration and respect are the first words that come to my mind when I think or speak of her now.

The rest is/was just my own crap. I'm ready to start moving on now in some small but healthy ways… finally!! =)

"The waiting is the hardest part. Every day, you get one more yard. You take it on faith, you take it to the Heart. The waiting is the hardest part".

~ Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers ~