Inner Critic/beast Within

[VioletButterfly]

@Ronin - I experience this as well. Just putting a thought out there that I've had in this regard. It's kind of like a sweater where new trauma is tied onto the last bit of yarn and then knitted into the existing sweater so that all of the trauma is interwoven, aka CPTSD. Yes, it is a new traumatic experience, but it is related to old trauma (usually) because it's tapping existing memories/emotions/reactions/patterns. It, then, becomes part of the larger sweater, being just a new piece of it. How does one unravel that an move forward? That's what I'm working on. Maybe you don't tie the knot at end of the skein? Maybe, then you knit a new sweater by using recovery tools?

@bring em all in - Glad you're moving along the path. Practicing self care and compassion have definitely help me a great deal. It seems to short-circuit the negative voices I experience in as much as I can. Reframing your thinking and changing up the dialogue can be helpful as well. DBT and CBT are good tools for all of the above. Also, have you tried setting the inner critic outside of you in a chair across from you? Not sure if you're experiencing the critic as your abuser's voice or as your own. Just a couple of thoughts. VB

 

[bring em all in]

@Ronin - I experience this as well. Just putting a thought out there that I...

Thanks, Violetbutterfly! It's hard to separate my inner critic voice from those of my parents and the bullies I encountered growing up. Talking to the inner critic is one of the strategies I just read in Pete Walker's book although he didn't mention using a chair. I think that is a good idea to try!

 

[CFSRFUSA]

I wish everyone new beginnings and closure for past chapters in 2017. Can I get the title of Walker's book please and any other useful literature that may help my son with his inner voices that cause him so much physical and emotional harm.

 

[bring em all in]

I wish everyone new beginnings and closure for past chapters in 2017. Can I get the title of Walker's...

Pete Walker's book is titled Complex Ptsd: From Surviving to Thriving. I'm still reading it but it has been most helpful in helping me understand and validate my experiences. It also has practical suggestions for dealing with various aspects of Complex-PTSD.

Happy New Year to everyone from me as well!

 

[JP Bailey]

Pete Walker's book is titled Complex Ptsd: From Surviving to Thriving. I'm still reading...

That book has helped me the most transform and practice using my inner critic to be critical of my abusers instead. I've noticed a difference. (I also use a lot of "Parts Integration" work and other NLP techniques to resolve inner conflicts.) But the book made it easier for me to start to rage against the abusers rather than assume it was my fault. "How dare they abuse me and then abandon me and then let me suffer alone depressed thinking there was something wrong with me my entire life!!!!!!!!!!! Good thing I'm miles away or I just might want to slap their face instead of hiding away in shame." I love it. I use my anger to exercise and to stick up for myself and fight back for the first time ever. Even if it's in my own imagination, it still feels hella good to do. Finally.

Also, the toolkits at the end of the book are really good.

 

[crazyhorse69]

I met with my therapist today and we discussed my inner critic- the voice inside me that absorb...

Thanks for your share, its comforting to realize there are others that have this seamingly quagmire of a situation in their lives, damned if you do, damned if you dont. My girlfriend last night asked me a question I coukdnt answer. She asked me when was the last time I had experienced peace of mind? When I wake up in the morning, my mind starts working overtime, its wide open, in fact the only times its not like that, is when I'm participating in extreme activities. Such as deep water scuba diving, cross country rides on my motorcycle, skydiving, these experiences seem to facilitate a quiet mind. Drinking alcohol use to quiet my mind, but that stopped working, fighting other men use to quiet my mind and actually was relaxing. Thanks for your post, and I understand your thinking about the seemingly contradictions in thought you have. The thing I see is your avoidance of intimacy and vulnerability.

 

[bring em all in]

That book has helped me the most transform and practice using my inner critic to be critical of my ab...

For me, Walker's statement fit my experience perfectly. He wrote something to the effect that in such a dysfunctional family, expression of anger is treated as a capital offense. I find it difficult to be angry with anyone but myself. Like you, I'm afraid if I express my anger it will get out of hand. So, it's going to take time and ??? to transform this core belief and fear.

 

[bring em all in]

Thanks for your share, its comforting to realize there are others that have this seamingly quagmir...

crazyhorse- Thanks for the response. I used alcohol for a year or so in my early twenties. It's been 31 years since I had a drink but that hasn't been easy. Medications and therapy hasn't helped, and I am still tempted to drown the inner critic that way. My older sister had the same conditions I have and she not only drowned her inner critic- she drank herself to death. As for knowing peace of mind, I'm reminded of a Dylan lyric in the song "Idiot Wind" - "I haven't know peace and quiet for so long/I can't remember what it's like." Also from his song "Trying to Get to Heaven"- "They tell me everything's gonna be alright/but I don't know what alright even means." I myself can't even visualize what I hope to experience in recovery. It feels like wondering what it would feel like to be a bird, spread my wings, and take flight.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I used to have an inner critic that blasted me with all sorts of insidious false accusations which I was very sensitive to. It was as if it was a bad habit ingrained in me.

A peer on the forum told me that I was self abusing to allow my inner critics to run rampant without a governor. Now with so much practice it still occasionally slips back but over all I am doing so much better.

I wish you the best.

 

[CFSRFUSA]

Pete Walker's book is titled Complex Ptsd: From Surviving to Thriving. I'm still reading...

Thank you very much!

 

[Mashed Potatoes]

I have been roommates with the inner critic lurking in my brain for a while now. I found this song yesterday: Inner Demons by Julia Brennan (i think thats her name). IT kind of made me feel less alone.

My inner critic used to be a lot noisier. I am trying to focus more on helping others (kind acts, words, deeds) and being physically healthy. I try to not have it quiet and play uplifting music. That also seems to help some.

I can't give advice on the love yourself first thing. I'm in my 3rd marriage. 1st phs abuse, 2nd emo abuse, this one, well there's no abuse. I def don't love myself, I'm trying to find ways to constantly 'like' myself and be okay with who I am.

Maybe time helps? I'm not sure, I feel like I am better than I used to be. I don't know if that helps at all. :) <3