Sufferer Introduction-eowyn

[eowynofrohan]

Hi,
I am going to call myself Eowyn. After recent events (getting called a slut) my PTSD has come back in full force. So I thought I would join a community as I continue to live with this disorder.

When I was around 12 years old I began experiencing sexual and lewd comments towards me, right as my body began to develop. At first, it started off with quite harmless remarks, slowly progressing into something worse. I distinctly remember getting called a necrophiliac, having no idea what that was.

Over the years the harassment got worse. Unfortunately, it was done between multiple perpetrators and therefore the school did not consider it as actual "harassment" and therefore did nothing to stop it. Between the ages of 12 until now, I have been called slut, whore, bitch, and other terms. I have had teachers try to flirt with me in class when I was underage, even saying to me that I should become a prostitute if college didn't work out. Somehow, I became the school slut, even though I have not slept with anyone and never even had a boyfriend. I very seldom explored my sexuality openly in school.

This all came to a head in high school, when I was verbally attacked in a small room, attempted to pressure into sex, and threatened with rape. I was also treated extremely poorly by a teacher, who exploited my weak mental state and anxiety disorder to cause me harm. In tenth grade, I tried to kill myself. Then I got therapy.

For a while, things were good. Until recently, I was called a slut again for no reason. This also culminated as I saw assault and rape in the news and unfiltered on my social media platforms. I was instantly triggered, had my first panic attack related to my experience in month, and started having nightmares again. I need to talk to someone who understands what I'm going through, so I decided to start here.

Eowyn

 

[Iluvhorses]

Hi there! I cant really relate to you because i was molested, but i hope youll find support here :)

 

[Suzetig]

Have you been formally diagnosed with PTSD? The reason I ask is that, as awful as those situations were for you, and no doubt they've been traumatic for you, there's a particular criteria for PTSD diagnoses. On the face of it, being called sexual names and threatened with rape doesn't fall into that criteria. As I say, that doesn't mean it wasn't awful, and you're clearly still impacted by it and in need of support but PTSD has a very clear diagnostic criteria. Lots of people experience something traumatic, experience post traumatic stress as a normal response but don't develop PTSD.

I hope you do find support here, welcome to the forum.

 

[eowynofrohan]

Have you been formally diagnosed with PTSD? The reason I ask is that, as awful as those situations were...

Yes, I have been clinically diagnosed with PTSD. I realize my situation is extremely light compared to most people's and I must seem very whiny. I think it affected me in this way because it was non stop verbal harassment for several years at an age where I was still developing. I did not show symptoms until about four years after the harassment started.

 

[Suzetig]

It's not about how severe or otherwise what you experienced was, nor is it about you being "whiny" - you'll find here that folk have experienced a wide variety of traumatic experiences but for PTSD to result, there needs to have been a qualifying trauma which meets very specific criteria, which includes sexual violation but I don't think that's what you're describing here. It may be something did happen that you want to keep private, which is fine - I'm not asking you to explain your trauma, I just wanted to check you had been diagnosed because if not, the first advice would always be to arrange to see someone who can assess you.

In any event if you're seeing a recurrence of symptoms, you'd be well advices to seek therapy - are you seeing someone just now?

 

[chant2012]

@eowynofrohan
Hello and welcome! You're brave and strong for reaching out. All the support to you. Sorry to hear what happened to you.

 

[Muttly]

I know I'm brand new, so I'm probably butting in where I don't belong but I thought threats of rape, violence, or death met the criteria of PTSD?

Anyway, what really matters is you are struggling. I'm sorry you've been through that Eowyn. I just joined too. Welcome.

 

[joeylittle]

I thought threats of rape, violence, or death met the criteria of PTSD?

Imminent threat of or exposure to the actual thing. You could think of it as the 'immediacy' factor of the trauma.

But, as others on the thread have said, struggle is struggle, and the most important thing always is to start looking for ways to support yourself and recover. Welcome, @eowynofrohan - glad you're here.

 

[IamFree]

I agree that going through all those things at such a key time in your life for development must have been traumatising, especially the situation with the teachers . its so important at that age to be able to trust those your supposed to be able to or your future faith in humanity can be damgaged which is traumatising in itself. Not being able to trust is extremely painful.

 

[EveHarrington]

I don't think you sound whiny at all

Welcome to the forum!

:-)

 

[Kailani]

You don't sound whiny to me either. Welcome!

 

[eowynofrohan]

Wow, thank you all for your support! As far as therapy goes, I don't have the money atm to pay for it, but my symptoms have died down a bit, which is good.