Is Comforting a Victim While Triggered Promoting the Victim Mentality?

[becvan]

Hmm this feels like a trick question.. lol

Really I see both sides of this. Yes of course we all want and need comfort and understanding. And I can't see how that's a bad thing.

On the other hand, your husband is also right. Each of us needs to learn how to comfort and ground ourselves. We can not always have someone there to do that for us.

So... since both sides have a point here, I think you both need to compromise. He's right and your right, so find a way to balance receiving comfort from your husband and learning how to comfort yourself.

bec

oh and as for the question regarding whether or not comfort and compassion creates more panic attacks, I have often wondered. I am on the opposite end, where I have myself only and I seem to push harder to learn, and force myself to learn how to cope faster. But it could just be me and not the lack of someone there. I'm not sure any of us will ever get an answer to this.

 

[Freddy_hiding_less]

This question has been in my mind since it was posted, kind of agreeing with becvan and not, I would say it's a tricky question. Important one maybe specially for us with an abandond child inside facing stuff like arrested development.

For me it would depend on where I'm at, I have experienced when people recognized an innocent childish need for comfort and given it to me; I believe that has been ground stones for my emerging capacity to take care of myself.

Other times when my defenses have been active, brilliant people have still been able to get a little nurturing past my passive aggressiveness in to that child. But I guess here it could go wrong sometimes, it could be like paying ransom again and again nurturing something less helpful.

So having people around who can see that difference is really a gift, and I believe mutual, exploring and truthful communication can help this to happen. It might not be something one can expect but it's very helpful when it happens.

 

[dharmaBum]

...Have you tried to help a baby to walk by telling them that their muscles need to get stronger and their brains need to be mature over the reflexes? Do you think that holding a baby's hand would keep them in the dependecy of you to walk instead of learning how to walk by themselves...

I think this is a highly relevant analogy.