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Kk... the reason I asked is that communication style really has zip nada zilch to do with trustworthiness, so that threw me for a minute. Direct people aren’t always forthright and are just as capable of lying as anyone else; and passive aggressive people can have the best of intentions, with not a deceitful or manipulative bone in their body. Trustworthiness depends on the person, not the way they talk.
I asked about whether or not you usually have to interpret what he says because if he usually says one thing and means another? Then, sure. Adding on the expectation of getting back together (hope) OR the understanding that you’re completely over (letting you down easy) makes sense. Based on your knowledge of how he tends to slant things.
If he’s pretty direct, however? Then it’s like seeing “Maybe” as either yes or no, instead of “maybe”. It’s interpreting / adding on. Taking a neutral comment and adding positive or negative spin to it tends to cause a lot of unnecessary grief.
<<< Like if you’re invited out, but don’t know if you can come, and say “maybe”? If that person takes that as “Yes.” then they’re going to be upset when you don’t show, after already promising to be there! (You didn’t promise to be there, you didn’t even say you would be there, you said you might or might not be able to be there). Meanwhile if they yank your maybe in the other direction, and decide what you reeeeeeally mean is No, you’re not going to be there... see all the different ways this could go badly? Like if they change their plans, it’s not like they’d tell you, because you’re not coming. Or if you show up but they’ve already given away your ticket, because you said you weren’t coming! Nooooo i said maybe. You decided that meant no. >>>
It’s really tempting to take neutral statements off in wildly different directions. But doing so doesn’t actually tell you anything about their intent if they’re very direct, and say what they mean; instead of saying one thing and meaning another
I asked about whether or not you usually have to interpret what he says because if he usually says one thing and means another? Then, sure. Adding on the expectation of getting back together (hope) OR the understanding that you’re completely over (letting you down easy) makes sense. Based on your knowledge of how he tends to slant things.
If he’s pretty direct, however? Then it’s like seeing “Maybe” as either yes or no, instead of “maybe”. It’s interpreting / adding on. Taking a neutral comment and adding positive or negative spin to it tends to cause a lot of unnecessary grief.
<<< Like if you’re invited out, but don’t know if you can come, and say “maybe”? If that person takes that as “Yes.” then they’re going to be upset when you don’t show, after already promising to be there! (You didn’t promise to be there, you didn’t even say you would be there, you said you might or might not be able to be there). Meanwhile if they yank your maybe in the other direction, and decide what you reeeeeeally mean is No, you’re not going to be there... see all the different ways this could go badly? Like if they change their plans, it’s not like they’d tell you, because you’re not coming. Or if you show up but they’ve already given away your ticket, because you said you weren’t coming! Nooooo i said maybe. You decided that meant no. >>>
It’s really tempting to take neutral statements off in wildly different directions. But doing so doesn’t actually tell you anything about their intent if they’re very direct, and say what they mean; instead of saying one thing and meaning another
