Is Moving The Right Thing?

[jet.captain]

I needed some advice from people that may have experienced a similar situation. About a month ago my girlfriend and I experienced a violent home invasion. The short end of the story was her son (15) and her ex husband plotted to kill the two of us while we were sleeping. Thanksfully I have had extensive training in the martial arts and was able to disarm her ex and subdue him until police arrived. Moreover her two smaller children were wittness as well as my two small kids to the entire event. All of us have been diagnosed with PTSD and are in counseling.

We live in very small comunity where everyone knows everyone and life to say the least has been very difficult. People at work, her family, his family, and various others are fully in support of him and what he has done. Moreover, this person is very violent and when relseased from prison is the type who will seek us out again.

I am divorced and my kids live with their mom and I have regular visitation. We are very very close (the kids and I) and I see them almost daily. However, becuase of this incident mentally I cannot remain in this town and I am contemplating moving. However, I am having a hard time deciding wether or not moving is the best thing to do. How bad will it hurt my kids? Will moving away help in the healing process?

 

[Grace Hope]

Hi jet.captain.

Moving somewhere else has to be your decision.

After a violent situation has taken place in your home many people never feel safe in that environment again. There are a small group of people who can stick it out no matter what happens.

Myself, I have been through way too much where I live and I am waiting to move because of it.

I think one of the best things to do would be to write down the list of pros and cons of moving and staying. Read them when you have finished. Read them the next day and the next day. Keep the list as you may need it when you accept what you must do as you may need the paper to wrap and pack your home.

 

[rightkindofme]

Uhm, in your situation I would be moving. In a hot minute. You can maintain a relationship with your kids but it will be more work. Skype is a really amazing invention.

 

[saffy]

Hi Jet.captain

I assume that the son and x totally dissaprove of your relationship with this woman and is spreading their venom around the town.

You have two choices really, you can prove them wrong and accept that at present they might be pissed off but if they see that the relationship is going to carry on they have to come to some sort of peaceful terms for the sake of the children.

Is the x peeved at you living with his other children, does he think you are taking over as father? you have not made it clear, sorry :)

If you both move away and take her two young children away, which I assume is the x's?, will he just follow to make sure he sees his kids still?

If you do move how will it effect your relationship with your own kids? would you get to see them as much? your kids should be the most important consideration.

Is this a fairly new relationship? not that it is anyone elses business really, but if it is the x and son will try to make it as awkward as possible until they realise that you are in a long term adult relationship.

I think communication is needed between you all so that some sort of tolerance can be held so that the kids involved are not subjected to adult bitterness and jealousy.

It is a hard dilemma but maybe why he is in jail, your girlfriend can write and set boundaries and make arrangements so the kids do not suffer. Same as you would expect him to respect the fact that your young children are also present.

I hope things improve for you all.

best wishes
Saffy :)