presentjoy
Silver Member
Hi.
I chose the name presentjoy because it's kind of a goal rather than reality. But I feel like it's something to keep breathing towards.
I've found solace in art, yoga, cycling.
My husband is also here, a recently joined member. We are both still reeling after events in April. While he was directly affected, and I assumed a supporter role, as things unfolded it was clear that my history of trauma meant that we both were affected. As a consequence we are both trying to address what amounts to two lifetimes littered with traumatic stuff.
I'm diagnosed with Alexithymia. This is part of an Autism Spectrum diagnosis I received at 32. A great deal of what I experience is sensory processing related. I have a diagnosed auditory processing disorder. All the sensory stuff means that I have gone through life literally on the defensive most of the time. Noises repeatedly startle me, smells overwhelm me, light touch upsets me, grit under my feet repels me. My muscles are always tense, and I have IBS symptoms from constant stress. I never really realized I was experience a kind of stress of being. So I feel bombarded by the world. I dream of moving to the country and building an eccentric house off the grid.
The ASD stuff also means I can really struggle with interpersonal relationships, although this isn't separate from Alexithymia. In many ways, I'm extremely introspective, I intellectualize a lot, I am artistically expressive, and yet I can be clueless about some things, and emotionally feel very blocked. In some ways the ASD and the trauma aren't separate. I think a lot of autistic people are traumatized by the world. Or experience trauma. Disabled people in general are more likely to experience trauma of all sorts (medical, abuse, neglect, etc).
Other stuff I include on my trauma plate are being 7 months in the womb when my mother experienced a highly traumatic event, being teased and bullied in grade school, and unwanted sexual stuff when I was 14. And another relationship that maybe was inappropriate, but I couldn't tell, and it ruined my first marriage.
Those are the big ones, with no detail.
I think in general I'm afraid on this forum that some things I may attribute to autism may be dismissed as PTSD. Or maybe I could be helped by seeing things that way. Regardless, I want to heal what can be healed.
It has been very difficult, as my husband Jemini (another new user) has written about, to navigate these past months. Our marriage was already precarious. We are supportive of one another, but we trigger one another. It's my intention that this site isn't going to be a place for any of our patterns to play out, it's more that we can gain understanding and support, by both of us learning about and healing from PTSD. I know we want nothing but the best for one another. I'm not sure, maybe it's weird for both of us to be on the forum, but I saw how BigBear asked if I was here, and thought maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing.
Thanks for reading,
presentjoy (pj)
I chose the name presentjoy because it's kind of a goal rather than reality. But I feel like it's something to keep breathing towards.
I've found solace in art, yoga, cycling.
My husband is also here, a recently joined member. We are both still reeling after events in April. While he was directly affected, and I assumed a supporter role, as things unfolded it was clear that my history of trauma meant that we both were affected. As a consequence we are both trying to address what amounts to two lifetimes littered with traumatic stuff.
I'm diagnosed with Alexithymia. This is part of an Autism Spectrum diagnosis I received at 32. A great deal of what I experience is sensory processing related. I have a diagnosed auditory processing disorder. All the sensory stuff means that I have gone through life literally on the defensive most of the time. Noises repeatedly startle me, smells overwhelm me, light touch upsets me, grit under my feet repels me. My muscles are always tense, and I have IBS symptoms from constant stress. I never really realized I was experience a kind of stress of being. So I feel bombarded by the world. I dream of moving to the country and building an eccentric house off the grid.
The ASD stuff also means I can really struggle with interpersonal relationships, although this isn't separate from Alexithymia. In many ways, I'm extremely introspective, I intellectualize a lot, I am artistically expressive, and yet I can be clueless about some things, and emotionally feel very blocked. In some ways the ASD and the trauma aren't separate. I think a lot of autistic people are traumatized by the world. Or experience trauma. Disabled people in general are more likely to experience trauma of all sorts (medical, abuse, neglect, etc).
Other stuff I include on my trauma plate are being 7 months in the womb when my mother experienced a highly traumatic event, being teased and bullied in grade school, and unwanted sexual stuff when I was 14. And another relationship that maybe was inappropriate, but I couldn't tell, and it ruined my first marriage.
Those are the big ones, with no detail.
I think in general I'm afraid on this forum that some things I may attribute to autism may be dismissed as PTSD. Or maybe I could be helped by seeing things that way. Regardless, I want to heal what can be healed.
It has been very difficult, as my husband Jemini (another new user) has written about, to navigate these past months. Our marriage was already precarious. We are supportive of one another, but we trigger one another. It's my intention that this site isn't going to be a place for any of our patterns to play out, it's more that we can gain understanding and support, by both of us learning about and healing from PTSD. I know we want nothing but the best for one another. I'm not sure, maybe it's weird for both of us to be on the forum, but I saw how BigBear asked if I was here, and thought maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing.
Thanks for reading,
presentjoy (pj)
