Relationship It Takes More Than Love

[Jason111]

May,

Thank you for that!

I realize now that she really responds to my strength, not my anxiety and my weakness (neurosis). I still know that my strength is not enough and that the sufferer ultimately needs to find their own strength. A carer has to be almost selfless, which is extremely hard to do an intimate relationship, and yet the carer needs to have self respect and be able to draw limits to behavior that is problematic, threatening, abusive etc.

I'm analyzing and admitting and growing and feeling stronger in her absence, I also admit that I can not imagine her pain and isolation, much less try to "cure her". Either as a friend or as a lover, I can only really be a strong support, one who is respected and who respects.

Thank you again for all your insight!

Jason

 

[conz]

Hi IvyMillie,

Im so thankful I have read your post. It does really help me understand my ex fiance why things had happned. He did inform me that he got PTSD but I never took it seriously. He cool off the wedding and doesnt want me to go back to Dubai where I reside and work. Things were so complicated and I cant decide to give up my job that easy. So we decided to end of our relationship but we are still friends now. I still love and care for him till now. We communicate sometimes and Im happy about that.

Take care

<Quote removed by Amethist>

 

[confused]

Sometimesw love isn't enough. I am ending my relationship with my combat ptsd sufferer because I am the only one displaying the loving behaviours. He is cool and aloof to me. He says he loves me, but I have to be patient. He is increasingly withdrawn. So I am stepping back, with a very heavy heart, because I feel I am probably part of the problem :(

 

[amethist]

So sorry to hear this confused.

Take some time to take care of you now, using here as a support for as long as you need.

 

[Pale Warrior]

Sometimesw love isn't enough. I am ending my relationship with my combat ptsd sufferer because I am the only one displaying the loving behaviours. He is cool and aloof to me. He says he loves me, but I have to be patient. He is increasingly withdrawn. So I am stepping back, with a very heavy heart, because I feel I am probably part of the problem :(

Sad to read your post, but well done for having the strength to care for yourself. Hope it works out for you.

 

[Nicolette]

And soooo much more with PTSD :ninja:

 

[Molly Anne]

Amen to that! Along with oodles of patience...

 

[Anna]

The problem is that sometimes people do not believe they are worthy of being loved and get paranoid etc... Who would love me? why would someone love me? They can't really love me. They are lying. All so very complicated.

 

[topflite]

Love is not just a feeling, it is giving someone what they truly need the most when they deserve it the least.

 

[Tabitha]

Truth be told...

When I first came here and I read this post by Nicolette, I thought..."Hmph! Who is she to say that it takes more than love?! I love N and N loves me, that's all we need, we can beat this."

Wow...how ignorant and naive was I?

It's been one struggle after another. This journey has put me through emotions I didn't even know existed. I can go through 10 emotions in a single day and still not know which way is up.

It's been hard. It has taken patience, maturity, common-sense, time, effort, hard work, honesty and tons of other efforts just to feel like I'm always back to square one. But I've learned so much more here than any psychiatrist, therapist, or friend could have told me. It's been such a roller coaster and by the grace of God, I'm still hanging on.

 

[Pale Warrior]

Some days it's the tips of the fingers, but that is enough to get me through.

On a very bad day, all l have left is sheer bloody mindedness.

 

[confused]

I am up and down from one moment to the next. At present my love is calling me several times a day, wanting to see me, and being warm and responsive.
I don't know how to respond.
I'm so rung out, I have no more emotions.
Still, I think he has a way to go to undo the damage.
I love him to death, but i'm not a kicking board ....