Sexual Assault It's still affecting me

[BlueWeepingRose]

It's been almost seven years now and I'm still affected by what happened to me. I truly trusted him and he was my boyfriend. He SA me when I was sleeping. I loved him and I never thought that this would happen to me. I feel disgusted and ashamed by it.

It's hard for me to enter into a new relationship. Sex itself triggers me. Thinking about getting into a new relationship terrifies me and I never used to be this way. I'm talking to my therapist now and she's helping me a lot, but this still affects me. I truly hope one day I can see a future for myself, but right now I don't even think about relationships. It's the last thing on my mind.

I'm happy just being on my own. I've learned my ex-boyfriend was also abusive, and I feel ashamed that I didn't see that, but I was so confused by everything, and learned that he was manipulating me. A lot of new things are coming to the surface and I feel very overwhelmed by all of this, but I'm glad I am finally talking to a therapist. I hope someone else can relate to how I feel.

 

[beaneeboo]

I'm sorry your in this situation...I don't think, sadly, you're on your own in your experience... it's understandable you feel as you do with the overwhelm... keep going to your T and listening to your needs first.. this isn't a race so you have time... be gentle with yourself

 

[BlueWeepingRose]

I'm sorry your in this situation...I don't think, sadly, you're on your own in your experience... it's understandable you feel as you do with the overwhelm... keep going to your T and listening to your needs first.. this isn't a race so you have time... be gentle with yourself

Thank you for listening. Sometimes I feel like I'm not heard and it makes me feel alone. I'm glad there's someone out there who truly understands. For so long I used to cry myself to sleep and get horrible nightmares. Thanks for writing to me. I'll continue going to my T and putting my needs first. Right now my healing journey is my top priority to me. I'll remind myself of that, to be more gentle on myself. I feel like I keep blaming myself for what has happened to me. I wish I could have seen it coming, but I didn't. I truly thought he loved me, but that is not love..