Just Started Seeing Someone

[Mammo]

Hello.
Hope everyone's well...

Wanted to pick people's brain about something, as not really a topic of polite conversation with most people.

In 2011 I went on a couple of dates with a guy, he came back to my place...he inevitably tried it on...but didn't stop when I told him to. So, that wasn't great. I wasn't physically hurt, nor was I especially upset/devastated.

So that was then. I've not seen anyone since then, not particularly because of what happened, it just has not worked out that way. I went on a date with someone last year, who was a nice guy, but then I sort of physically "stiffened" when he held my hand over dinner. This doesn't bode well. He wanted me to go back to his place, I said 'no', was fine, but didn't see him again...whatever.

But now I've met someone that I do actually like. But what if, like the guy I saw last year, I "freak out" in some manner when he tries to be er, physical? what do I do? I find this guy attractive, but will be really upset if I screw this up, and mortified at myself if I just panic...tips? Advice? Help?!

 

[shrinkingviolet]

Hello @Mammo . Your reaction is not abnormal in the least given the incident you described. Whether you realize it or not, you may have been more affected by this. I had the same reaction for years and still struggle with it at times. Therapy helped me tremendously. If you haven't met with a therapist, I would recommend seeking one. My advice would be take it slow at your comfort level. There is no reason to get physical before you are comfortable. Trust has to be built. You are worth the wait!

 

[WildMermaid]

I agree with @shrinkingviolet therapy sounds like a good course of action. Also, if you think you might be serious about this dude then a conversation would be in order, so he doesn't flip if you freak out. This book is a good resource, but can be very intense if not working with a therapist Dead Link Removed.

 

[Mammo]

Thank you both @shrinkingviolet and @WildMermaid.
So sorry, i hadn't "seen" that you had responded to this...!

There is a T that I am seeing, and will probably bring this up next time I see him. I was "upset" by what happened before, I don't doubt that, but my current concern is that I just don't know what I'm going to do, as not really had to deal with the situation...argh...confusing.

I'll be really annoyed at myself if I screw this up.

Thanks again both.

M