Learning How To Relax Or Slow Down Without Dissociating

[Chava]

My body doesn't do slow or relaxed well. It tips from hyper-aroused into dissociation, though I'd say the extremes have lessened. Recent pain meds seem to have made me more sensitive to tipping into dissociation though...like I'm in a bubble, within a bubble, within another bubble...yet I'm not even in there. :ninja::mask::eek: "I" have disappeared, feel and think nothing, and this body is working on autopilot and to some small extent I'm observing this and realizing it's f*cked up. That was yesterday.

So today I'm trimming back one pill (have been following my prescriptions but I am overly sensitive to anything that tends to have relaxing effects, which is most pain or nerve meds, though I also got more dissociative on SSRIs). I still need to manage pain or I will just disconnection in other ways or have a meltdown. But I'm doing okay with resting and using some music and sound to "relax" but feel connected, or like I'm in a sort of safe zone but also still "here" and "me" inside my body.

Does this make sense? :O_o:

It's hard work but I think I'm doing better finding ways to slow down or relax and still feel connected, vs tip into dissociation or lighter forms like just spacing out. It's bizarrely hard. Once in a while I have a few moments where I realize, "Oh, this is what 'relaxing' must feel like to more normal people." Holding onto or laying next to one of my pets helps too.

Anyone else struggle to relax or slow down without tipping off the other end of the spectrum? (I believe this relates to the whole inability of parasympathetic and sympathetic nervous system to regulate...swinging too far in either direction). Have you found ways to specifically feel calm or comforted without "disappearing" or numbing out, but actually feeling connected to yourself and relaxed?

 

[Ronin]

Have you found ways to specifically feel calm or comforted without "disappearing" or numbing out,

Activities that ease me into it and aren't forcing myself to, as forcing myself to ease is a bad mojo for bad situations instead.

So watching things that are prompting me to be calm & analytic, no action required but not no-brainers as boredom usually makes me dissociated. Thank God for beautiful nature & the whole world of art.

 

[Chava]

prompting me to be calm & analytic, no action required but not no-brainers as boredom usually makes me dissociated

Aha, yes! I do nerd out on things I like to study, or projects. Probably on one hand, it is a distraction, but I also don't totally disconnect. I stay "alive" and engaged but am not pacing or going in circles. It's hard to even settle the mental energy without disappearing. Meditation is a freaky thing, but I do okay finding calming music to listen to, or doing some drawing as I'm listening to music...like, even if not moving, I have to connect to something that is moving (like sounds or thoughts) or I drop into the void. So how to do that...calmly... :)

 

[Deleted member 20978]

I haven't had dissociation as a core symptom, though it's happened on rare occasion over my lifetime. But I do find it amazingly difficult to truly relax. I think some activities may be sort of relaxing me outside my own awareness, if this makes sense. For instance when I go hiking on trails nearby, I never experience the level of nice endorphin chill that I used to get from this activity, and I feel like I'm not able to relax, and yet I bet I am getting the benefits of some relaxation and stress reduction compared to if I were sitting around at home.

My point is, I think maybe it would take lots of sustained things like this to actually reach a point of feeling totally relaxed, though that's just a theory as I haven't been able to get there last couple of years. But still, I think such activities (physical exertion, nature) are helping empty the stress cup some.

 

[Ronin]

So how to do that...calmly...

By picking something with slow & smooth pace to be engaged in. Where that thing requires it to be done well, and isn't just about how you do things naturally.

I re-picked tai-chi for that reason, along with coding. Just have to make myself be calm even when working & thinking fast because otherwise I'm undermining my own work & it's no bueno so there's that motivation.

 

[Jazsandruss]

I am very much dealing with the same thing. I have been trying to meditate. As soon as I try to relax it's like I fight myself. I keep trying and realizing I have that fight or flight happening constantly. I didn't even know I was on alert constantly. Like no wonder why my body always feels exhausted. I have no idea how to relax But when I have for just a sec I don't like it. I guess what I feel is fear. I don't feel safe. Not even in my own house. I haven't found a place that I do. I feel defeated over the smallest setbacks with this ptsd but I need to be proud that I even realize any of this. A month ago I felt I didn't want to live and couldn't even tell you one reason why. Most of time I felt nothing at all. I'm beginning to be convinced that feeling pain is better than nothing but when I disassociate it seems automatic. I need to remind myself to be loving towards myself and gentle instead of being mad and forcing myself to harder ALL the time

 

[Chava]

Thanks for sharing other ideas @Cashew and @Jemini . I got in a little slow, mindful exercise. I do have to come down in notches...otherwise if I just try to sit down I start cramping up. It's all too high maintenance. :arghh;:arghh;:banghead: BUT I feel less f*cked up today. I took one less pain pill and I actually think moving (mindful and not at all vigorous) has been helpful to keep me from tipping into the disaster fog I was in yesterday. I don't even know what I did. I cracked out looking for paper clips at one point. That's all.

I'm beginning to be convinced that feeling pain is better than nothing but when I disassociate it seems automatic. I need to remind myself to be loving towards myself and gentle instead of being mad and forcing myself to harder ALL the time

Good reminder. I have made good progress being gentle and compassionate towards myself...I think my therapist has been super helpful because I could not have figured this out on my own!! I have gone from total numbness and even missing really basic body and survival cues to feeling PAIN. Stabbing-meltdown pain. I feel like I'm immobilized and dying.:nailbiting: I'm NOT. But my body doesn't know how to feel anything the right way. Responding to pain without all the dread or trying to disconnect from part of my body or numb out with pills is really hard. I need some amount of meds to manage, but the very minimum so I feel like I am also feeling myself in my body and learning better tolerance of sensations and pain, and better ways to respond. College was way way easier than this mess I'm trying to understand!

 

[ghotiff]

i do nerd out on things I like to study, or projects. Probably on one hand, it is a distraction, but I also don't totally disconnect.

I read once that that meditation is any activity where you find "flow". I struggle with determining the difference between distracting activities and self soothing activities but I am tending to think that I have been overly harsh with labeling this as distraction.

 

[Hope4Now]

I'm just reading this now after a dissociative episode at the beach but now am in my car and going to drive home. I wish I had great advice to offer...I don't. Have really just begun t understand that I have lived my whole life bracing for disaster...-and this "relax" stuff sends me either into dissociation of various sorts or into total flooding by parts. So you're not alone. The trick seems to be to find a way to feel safe when you relax enough for parts to come through to say their pieces.
Peace to you.

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

I struggle with this, too. Part of my question for myself is always about the point of "relaxation" ... being young and being able to dissociate on cue (I used to purposefully dissociate for hours after school as a "reward" when it was a rough day in elementary school) I was made me think that the point of relaxing was making all the feelings go away entirely. I' having to reorient myself to understanding that it is only about taking the feelings down a notch, not making them disappear completely.

I guess I don't have a lot of advice, but think part of this is defining what state you (any of us, including me) are actually after.

 

[Chava]

I read once that that meditation is any activity where you find "flow".

I'm super good at getting into flow states and hanging out there for hours, in a pretty positive way. I concentrate on something external and tune everything else out, not really in a bad way, because I feel connected to myself. I don't quite how I tip into the disconnect, because sometimes it's during the same activities. I start focusing on a meaningless piece, like I've been smoking really bad weed, and I'm not very connected. It's just been worse lately and I'm not really sure what is up.

Today is okay. Feel just a tiny bit like I'm in a fish tank, but mostly okay. I did some really gentle yoga for just a bit before dinner.