Other Let's talk about torture.


You as well Lionheart, I always appreciate reading your comments. šŸ«‚
I try to be positive and say helpful things, but mostly I just speak from my heart, and I try to share my experiences with trauma and recovery. Hopefully you will continue to like and enjoy my comments. I enjoy reading your comments as well. šŸ˜

You have been through a lot too and I hope you find peace, if you haven't already.

Bright Blessings,


So I think there is a HUGE difference between torturing someone for the joy of it and protecting yourself or someone else.
I am a total mama bear.
If someone threatens those I love all bets are off. I will do whatever is necessary to protect them.
If someone threatens me? Been there - killed the guy
Both situations are disturbing because i know I don't have an "off" switch. I truly fear my anger - which is one of the reasons I rarely let it out.

But at the same time I don't consider either of those situations as "torturing" someone
I consider that protecting others and/or self defense - depending on the situation.

@Weemie and @Friday you both have skills I don't have and you have been forced to use those skills to harm someone who wasn't a threat. Plus the way you learned those skills was beyond traumatic. So of course you would second guess yourself if you even thought about using them in any situation

But there's a huge difference between saving someone from a rapist, or protecting your family, or rescuing someone from a life threatening violent situation. If I'm in a fight for my life or to save my loved ones I want someone with those kind of skills at my back. Period.

That's not torture. That's not harming someone for the sheer joy of it.
That's using what you know to stay alive or help others stay alive.

Can my fight with the terrorist be called "torture"? II know my reactions were based on ptsd rage and that's what saved my life. I know I had a chance to walk away once he was down and I chose not to because I KNEW what was going to happen if he caught me and there was no way in hell I was going back to that room.

I know is that it wasn't my fault he didn't choose an easier victim
That the choices HE made were the reason I was in that fight.
That it felt good to keep stabbing and kicking him and watching him bleed
That I wanted him to die painfully
That I won because my rage was all consuming and I wasn't going to lose again.

Did being a torture victim make all that possible?
Had I learned something I could use or found some kind of skills in what had been done to me?
Was I just born that way?
Did my actions and reasons make him a victim of torture?
Beats the hell out of me

Would I do it again to protect myself or my loved ones?
In a heartbeat

And please know I'm not trying to discount your struggle. I cannot even begin to try to image what you feel when you think about being on the torturer side of this discussion. But I can tell you that when I think of WHY you had to take on that role it is completely different to why my monster did it

Your situations were impossible
There was no force. I
Of course there was force. The force of YEARS of conditioning, programing, terror. Just because they weren't standing right there didn't mean you didn't see them.

There was no good answer
There was no free will
There was no option to say no
There was no joy in their suffering , even if it felt good to be the one on the other end for a change because that was a trauma response, not an actual reaction of pleasure.

You are NOTHING like our monsters.
They did the things they did out of the sheer joy of damaging others.
You did what you did to stay alive - and in some cases to save others.
They felt only happiness at the outcome
You felt only regret and guilt

Those are the HUGE differences between bad people who are monsters and good people who have to make horrific choices to survive against all odds