Looking For Anyone Who Can Relate To My Suffering With Complex Ptsd

[Hurting]

I'm 42 years old turning 43 in November. I've been living with chronic...

Hello. I'm New here and not quite sure how to use this sort of media yet. Nevertheless, I'm going to give it a shot. My childhood traumas were not so much physical as emotional. My mother would play this "game" with me where she would close her eyes and pretend she was dead when I was very young. I would say" mama? mama?" and get no response. I would get a mirror and hold it to her face to see if it would fog up. She held her breath. She wouldn't stop until I was in a panic and started crying. Then she would "wake up" and laugh. Much more to say, but you get the jist of it. I still have nightmares with her in them and me trying to save her. I'm 53 years old. It's really hard.

 

[void]

Hello. I'm New here and not quite sure how to use this sort of media yet. Nevertheless, I'm going to giv...

@Hurting

This kind of abuse is every bit as damaging as being kicked and punched.
What she did to you was sadistic and cruel.
I'm proud of you for opening up and starting to tell your story.
It was not your fault.
Welcome to our community.:hug:

 

[Hurting]

@Hurting

This kind of abuse is every bit as damaging as being kicked and punched.
What...

Thank you so much. I need support very badly. I know my mother loved me, which makes it even more confusing. She told me about my father's alleged affairs to from the first time I remember. I try to justify it by thinking that she needed to talk to someone.

 

[void]

Thank you so much. I need support very badly. I know my mother loved me, which makes it even more confus...

You are so welcome, @Hurting .

When a parent turns a child into a confidant, it IS emotional incest.
It is abuse to burden a child with these kinds of strictly adult problems.
No child has the cognitive ability nor the emotional development to cope with what she burdened you with...it is never ok no matter how troubled she may have been.

Many abusive parents will state their love for their victim. In my view, judge whether she loved you based on her treatment of you rather than her words. When love is true, the words and the treatment match and there is no need for confusion. Most abused children are confused by the actions of their abuser. You are not alone in this.

May peace replace the pain you feel.:hug:

 

[Chava]

Welcome @Bernie1971 . Yes, many of us here suffer from complex and childhood trauma (myself included) and it does seem to get compounded by the retraumatizing and adult traumas. No rush to share any more than you feel comfortable with, but congrats on reaching out and sharing what you have. I hope this is a helpful place to you!

 

[lostforgottensoul]

She told me about my father's alleged affairs to from the first time I remember.

I know how that feels! Im sorry!