Supporter Lost Without A Map...

[wingless_dragonfly]

I am new to this so forgive me if it doesn't post correctly. I am married to a combat PTSD sufferer that refuses to seek help. He has stopped taking his meds and insists that there is no help for him in a bottle. Treatment was offered which he denied. He says very hurtful things to me and our children and they are always said at a level that can be heard from the moon! I have cried, prayed, talked to his psychiatrist, and even spent time in jail for defending myself after he attacked me and tried to suffocate me. Been married 21 years and have known him for 30 years. I love my husband and want my family to be together but he has now moved out saying he needed to be "alone". I'm lost and sad not knowing which way to turn because I don't know how to let go of someone that I have been married to for half of my life. Counseling for myself and the kids is a must because we now wear the anger, hate, and discontent that PTSD has brought into our home not to mention our own battle scars. I just hope someone can shed some light on this and help me to understand. Thank you all in advance.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum. :)

All I have to say is that being in a abusive relationship is never good. Your health comes first and so does your safety. I hope you have some place safe to take yourself and your children. PTSD is not an excuse to tolerate abuse and PTSD is not a reason to be abusive. Nothing is.

Unless he gets help for PTSD and his abusive actions then maybe him moving out was for the best.

These posts in the supporter section are very helpful and might help guide you to realizing you are not alone.

[DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/the-price-of-ptsd-on-relationships.4292/[/DLMURL]

[DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/should-i-stay-or-should-i-go-a-reality-check.4997/[/DLMURL]

Take care.

 

[sisu]

Welcome wingless dragonfly,
I'm sorry that you and your children are going through this with your husband. Because he has un-managed PTSD, you have to take measures to protect yourself and your children. Nothing he does or says right now will make sense to you because his PTSD is in control of him. Until he is willing to take the prescribed meds and go to therapy, there isn't much you can do for him. I'm sorry for that.

Come on over to the supporters section - so many amazing supporters who are willing to share their experiences - plus lots of great information at the top of each section.

Please take care of yourself and those children. Sisu

 

[ProudWife99]

Welcome wingless dragonfly and I, too, am sorry to hear of your pain.

Like sisu says, there is not a darn thing on this planet that you can do to improve HIS reality right now. I know that is a difficult pill to swallow, but the faster that you take that little nugget down the faster you'll be able to begin healing yourself and your children.

He wants to be alone? Fine. He will either realize his issues will follow him every single place he tries to hide or he'll continue to live his life surrounded by them. Either way, neither of those scenarios is helpful for you or your children. My concern for you and your children overrides my concern for your relationship and I hope, eventually, you can shift your priorities in that direction as well. I am not saying things will not improve, as there are many of us here who are still married to our sufferers and taking it day by day.

You will, however, see a common theme to those relationships that last. Help. Loads of help for everyone.

Let him have his time alone. You cannot change him/fix him/help him/ or save him. You CAN, however, do all of those things for you and your children.

Take care.

 

[Taven Carlsen]

I have cried, prayed, talked to his psychiatrist, and even spent time in jail for defending myself after he attacked me and tried to suffocate me.

I yelled, once. At one girlfriend. And we can't talk anymore. If he's that abusive then it's better to not have him around until that changes. And be aware your "map" may have no end. PTSD is not definitely even solvable.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I would like to point out that PTSD is manageable. And with the right help and tools you can be able to have a nice and wonderful marriage. Abuse is not acceptable though.

However, he as to get help himself and take some responsibility.

I also agree that getting help and safely for you and your children is your top priority. Not him.

Again, just my two cents.

 

[Taven Carlsen]

I would like to point out that PTSD is manageable. And with the right help and tools you can be able to have a nice and wonderful marriage.

Thanks. I sounded really negative didn't I.