Sexual Assault Making a police report?

[Miss_Basilisk]

I've been going for counselling for my PTSD at a rape crisis centre here and my counselor recommended me speaking to one of their lawyers to see what my options are should I want to make a police report. They said I wouldn't be pushed to make a report and a part of me is inclined not to but I kinda feel like I should and my counselor did say that my case seems pretty strong. Even though I'm from a different country from most of the users here, I wanted to ask what anyone's experience was like when it came to making a report, especially in terms of being re-traumatised. Thanks in advance!

 

[Sideways]

It was really hard. There's no way around that. So talk to your T at the crisis centre about the actual process where you are (does it involve anything invasive like photos, how long does it take, who is present in the room, is it videoed or just audio recorded, do i get a copy, does it take more than 1 visit, do I make an appointment or do I just show up, what happens after the statement has been taken, etc.). Knowing what is going on takes a lot of the anxiety away, and there is more than enough anxiety.

If you possibly can, take a support person. Discuss with them beforehand about whether they can/should be in the room (which brings up shame issues about having to say things in front of them) or just waiting outside to get you home.

Make sure you have the phone number of the crisis centre with you, and that they know when you're planning on going. Knowing that someone who is familiar with your situation and is available to talk afterwards is a huge relief. If possible, schedule an appointment with your T in the days following the statement so that you have an opportunity to debrief.

If your memory isn't crash hot, keep a few notes about who you spoke to, any police report numbers, and details of when you gave the statement so that you can follow up later with the police if you need or want to.

Personally, I spent quite a lot of time beforehand talking to my T and writing notes about what I needed to cover, and I was very glad I did. Frankly, when I got into the police station, if I hadn't gone over the details beforehand I would have just frozen and left key points out.

The good news is that for me, the process was a huge step forward for my recovery. Irrespective of whether my abuser gets charged, I am now someone who was abused, and reported the b@stard to the police. There is a huge amount of my own shame that has slowly dropped away because I am able to say that.

That said, your health and wellbeing needs to be your priority. It is stressful, it is confronting, and if you believe that you aren't in a place to deal with the police, then that's totally okay. The only thing you need to do is heal, and reporting the guy to the police is simply bonus.

 

[Muted]

I've been going for counselling for my PTSD at a rape crisis centre here and my counselor recomme...

I'm from the U.S. and I reported it to the police quite a long time after the repeated sexual assaults, but at the time I wasn't in the mental state to do that.

I was still malnourished and had undergone prolonged mental torture and it was difficult to report trauma I couldn't yet comprehend. It took me years to even begin to try and process it all and I still have more work to do.

The cop or detective, I don't even remember his name... was kind and I felt safe, but truly I don't even remember the conversation. I think he only asked a few questions. I wasn't retraumatized by it at all, but I wish I would have been able to verbalize and articulate all of the things I couldn't before. If I would have had my T back then, I would have asked her come with me to report it.

I'm glad I reported it, because I know that I've done everything that I can to protect others from going through what I went through. I didn't have any evidence and the entire process was completely overwhelming and impossible at the time for me to understand, all the laws and deadlines etc...so there isn't anything else I can do about it now to save anyone else, but I can try and help protect myself and my family.

If you are ready to report it and have a strong case, I would say go for it. Based on just my own experiences, I wouldn't be concerned about the cops. The biggest challenge will probably be the attorneys, but I guarantee it is one heck of a relief when you can speak your case and they get sentenced to the penn. That is when you can breathe again.

Good luck! Keep us posted!

 

[Deleted member 34328]

@Miss_Basilisk I'm so sorry you're even having to ask this question. It's a traumatic experience.

I did go and file a police report. At the time I think I was still in shock that the whole thing had even happened. My husband really wanted me to go through with it - if for no other reason, then maybe get this guy off the streets.

Filing the initial report was very hard. We didn't need an appointment. We just went in. My husband did the initial talking...told them I needed to file a report. My husband stayed with me and even added to or helped me to verbalize it when I got chocked up.

Once the report was filed, he said it would be handed over to a detective specializing in sexually based crimes. He gave me a couple of hotlines I could call anytime as well as a rape crisis Centre. Personally, I didn't feel any better about it after filing the report. No closure or anything.

I got a call from a woman detective a couple of months later. I was given the choice as to whether I wanted to pursue it or not.

I chose to go ahead with it. I was assured it would all be confidential and only with women. No men would be present. I could have my support person with me at the station, but not during the interview.

I first met with two detectives, not recorded. Introduced ourselves, they shared about themselves...regular chat.

Then I went alone with the woman who had initially called me, into a room alone with a camera and a recording device under the table where we spoke.

She was very open and receptive to everything. Told me where everything was and why it was there. Answered any questions I might have. Once I was ready, she started a formal interview.

I ended up drawing a diagram of everything. It helped me to talk about it. Honestly, it was a very painful experience that I don't ever want to repeat. It's very hard to talk about and share your trauma, but as I was assured, even if nothing comes of it, I've given them information about this person that is now in the permanent records. They had an official report and an IMO.

The experience itself was all very positive. They made every effort to make me feel as safe and protected as possible.

I don't know how things work in your country. What the procedures are, forms to fill out. I can only hope that you might have a similar experience as I did.

But I really am sorry for whatever you've gone through. I hope whatever you choose to do, it'll be your choice alone and for your own reasons.

 

[Miss_Basilisk]

Thank you guys for your replies, I really really appreciate the info you've given me. I spoke to the lawyer yesterday and she went through the process with me. After hearing everything, I don't think I will report it, for now at the very least. Even just hearing the kind of questions they'd ask sent me into a panic and I don't think I'd be able to deal with it and there's a chance that since there's no physical evidence, the police wouldn't pursue an investigation.

Thank you so much for the help though, I'm really glad reporting helped you guys and I hope you all are doing better. :)

 

[Kaira Senka]

It's your decision at the end of the day, but I recall thinking the same thing for months after I had been raped. I felt I would be too fragile to come under the hard questioning from police (and I was). What I didn't realize is that it's possible to bring a support person with you when you relay the information to the police.

Don't think about whether or not the police will pursue an investigation. They might hear your case and think of things you wouldn't have thought about. My ex had broken in through my back door, and I never realized that there would be fingerprints there until someone else (a person of authority) suggested it. By then, months had gone.

Speaking as someone who never ended up filing a report, I urge you to go ahead and make the police report. It will be hard and scary at first, but I think you'll feel better if you do something about your situation. A lot of victims do feel better regardless of the outcome. Whatever decision you make, be honest with yourself about whether or not you'd regret it in the future.

 

[RoadtoHappy]

I've been going for counselling for my PTSD at a rape crisis centre here and my counselor recomme...

Hi Miss_Basilisk,

Did you report your assault yet? and if so how did it go?

I am currently considering reporting mine, my T is gently pushing me towards making a report. My problem ius that it happened 14 years ago and I dont know his name but I do know other details about him that would help but I am so worried I wont be able to handle the questioning, how detailed they will have to be and what the process is.

I hope you got the outcome you were looking for.

 

[Miss_Basilisk]

Hi Miss_Basilisk,

Did you report your assault yet? and if so how did it go?

Hi there! I did not report my assault in the end. I have a lot of reasons for not reporting, mainly my hesitance to share the details of what happened to me to anyone besides my counselor. But, I do still think about it from time to time. I have messages from him where he basically admits that he didn't stop even when I asked him to and photos of bruises etc so I'm always gonna keep it as an option.

I know for you, it happened a while ago so you might think there's no point but my caseworker told me its never really too late to report it. No matter when it happened, if you want to report it, you should. Think about it for a while, if you think reporting will help you, please do so. I hope that whatever you choose, you're happy and doing well. Have a good weekend <3

 

[Deleted member 34328]

Just adding a quick word... reporting it gives you a voice in the trauma. Gives you the control back where before, it was taken from you.

I did report an assault a year ago, but it was under pressure from my therapist and husband. There were many details which I won't go into, however I know I did the right thing. Even with that, no I don't feel any better about it. Psychological I suppose...maybe choosing to look at the negatives instead of the positives - I don't know. Maybe one day I'll look back and be happy that I did.

I didn't report the rape (different scenario) and don't have any intention of doing so, even though I know my therapist strongly feels that I need to get to a point where I will choose to confront the issue head on. In whatever way I choose.

I know that probably some day I'll be thankful that I did take control and use my voice for good. Put an MO on someone that someday might make a huge difference. I will have been part of that.

All that to say, it HAS to be your choice and yours alone. I've done it and have different issues to deal with. It helped the criminal system, but not me. That doesn't mean my experience is the only one.

Please do only what you feel will help you.