Sufferer Medical malpractice victim

RussellSue

Not Active
Thank you. I've been to every top surgeon and no one can fix it. My entire life is ruined and I'm in constant mourning for my face
We had a woman here for a while who had been in a plane crash in her 20s and lost an eye and whatnot. It would be great if she showed back up. I imagine she would have greater wisdom than I do.

All I know is that the only thing that kept me going in spite of my face was developing myself in ways that did not hinge on my looks -- I played instruments, wrote a lot, and did a lot of learning. It is trite to say that looks do not matter, though.

I don't know what your looks situation was to begin with, but if being beautiful was a large part of your life and you are in your teens or early 20s, it is possible that you do have a very strong focus on looks, however. We get uglier and fatter as we get older and looks are not the focus that they were.
 

Jane19

New Here
We had a woman here for a while who had been in a plane crash in her 20s and lost an eye and whatnot. It would be great if she showed back up. I imagine she would have greater wisdom than I do.

All I know is that the only thing that kept me going in spite of my face was developing myself in ways that did not hinge on my looks -- I played instruments, wrote a lot, and did a lot of learning. It is trite to say that looks do not matter, though.

I don't know what your looks situation was to begin with, but if being beautiful was a large part of your life and you are in your teens or early 20s, it is possible that you do have a very strong focus on looks, however. We get uglier and fatter as we get older and looks are not the focus that they were.
Yes but it wasn't just my looks, it was losing my entire identity. Not seeing my face anymore, etc. I read an article about a girl in Vietnam who had an adverse reaction to a drug and her face aged like an old lady. Her husband stayed with her and I think that's what kept her going. But everything changes after that
 

RussellSue

Not Active
it was losing my entire identity
That part I can really relate to but in the opposite direction that probably isn't much help. They "fixed" my face when I was 15 and I went through about 10 years of adjusting and I still don't have a handle on the changes or how people may/may not see or respond to me. Ironically, it was not a happy time for me. I got to really hate human beings -- seeing that they went from abusing me to trying to sleep with me overnight. And I didn't like my face. It wasn't mine. I was not me, anymore. The change was extremely uncomfortable and it put me into a world I did not understand and frankly, did not much like. While it was an "improvement" to others, it was not that way for me. I resented it. I nearly cut my face open to go back to what I knew which sounds absurd but I was what I was and I was quite used to it and lacked support, completely.

I am sorry. This is not a small ordeal you are going through and I am not trying to minimize it. I only wish I had some good advice for you.

I imagine you might make plenty of friends here, which I know is not the same as having real-life friends, but it is helpful.
 

Jane19

New Here
That part I can really relate to but in the opposite direction that probably isn't much help. They "fixed" my face when I was 15 and I went through about 10 years of adjusting and I still don't have a handle on the changes or how people may/may not see or respond to me. Ironically, it was not a happy time for me. I got to really hate human beings -- seeing that they went from abusing me to trying to sleep with me overnight. And I didn't like my face. It wasn't mine. I was not me, anymore. The change was extremely uncomfortable and it put me into a world I did not understand and frankly, did not much like. While it was an "improvement" to others, it was not that way for me. I resented it. I nearly cut my face open to go back to what I knew which sounds absurd but I was what I was and I was quite used to it and lacked support, completely.

I am sorry. This is not a small ordeal you are going through and I am not trying to minimize it. I only wish I had some good advice for you.

I imagine you might make plenty of friends here, which I know is not the same as having real-life friends, but it is helpful.
Yeah it seems you kinda know what I'm going through. At least in the identity part. I just don't know any way to get through this
 

RussellSue

Not Active
Yeah it seems you kinda know what I'm going through. At least in the identity part. I just don't know any way to get through this
I don't either. I wish I did.

I have not read all of her whole journal and don't know if it would help but the woman who was here (@Kittie ) who was in a plane crash has a journal still available for reading called Kittie's Journal which you can search for here. She also introduced herself, here: Sufferer - United 232, 31 years ago

She went through a LOT in dealing with her new life and face. She has really struggled. She's also an amazing person. There is nothing easy about what I read of hers but she is a person who I think you might be able to relate to even if she doesn't show back up.

Anyway, whether any of us can totally get it or not, you are not alone in having trauma and there are a lot of people here who can be very supportive even if they do not totally get it. I have my own bag of shit from being an abused little deformed girl and it's not the same bag most people have, but I think many of those here kind of get it, regardless. They certainly try to and what they don't get, they are willing to consider with compassion.
 

Jane19

New Here
I don't either. I wish I did.

I have not read all of her whole journal and don't know if it would help but the woman who was here (@Kittie ) who was in a plane crash has a journal still available for reading called Kittie's Journal which you can search for here. She also introduced herself, here: Sufferer - United 232, 31 years ago

She went through a LOT in dealing with her new life and face. She has really struggled. She's also an amazing person. There is nothing easy about what I read of hers but she is a person who I think you might be able to relate to even if she doesn't show back up.

Anyway, whether any of us can totally get it or not, you are not alone in having trauma and there are a lot of people here who can be very supportive even if they do not totally get it. I have my own bag of shit from being an abused little deformed girl and it's not the same bag most people have, but I think many of those here kind of get it, regardless. They certainly try to and what they don't get, they are willing to consider with compassion.
Thanks for the link. I understand childhood trauma, I've been there too and when I got older, I was sexually assaulted by an employer. And I don't mean to minimize anyone's pain, but I'd rather be sexually assaulted than look like this. That's how bad it is.
If I were older and married, it might be tolerable. But I'm in my 30s and single. I was a big time socialite, so this is torture. I know now what veterens go through when they come back from combat no longer in one piece and why some of them take their lives.
I'm fighting hard, but the world becomes more visual as technology progresses and I don't belong anymore
 

RussellSue

Not Active
Yeah it seems you kinda know what I'm going through. At least in the identity part. I just don't know any way to get through this
I think the important thing right now is that you are talking about it. I've spent my whole life having a very unique story that people mostly don't relate to and I have gotten some shit advice and really short-sighted comments in life, but that happens.

I have found that even here, I don't feel totally understood, most of the time, but we do have different experiences and there is not a cleft-affected child abuse survivor group that I know of, just like there isn't a group for adult survivors of negative surgical outcomes that I know of. I would extend the advice that it is helpful to try to pay attention to similarities that others share with you, and try to look past the differences. We have trauma here. It's a broad basket, but it encompasses a lot of feelings rather than experiences. Isolating because you don't feel understood can be very, very detrimental to one's well-being.
But I'm in my 30s and single. I was a big time socialite, so this is torture. I know now what veterens go through when they come back from combat no longer in one piece and why some of them take their lives.
On that note, we have veterans here who have taken various levels of damage and maybe you can relate to them.

Thank you for clarifying your age. You seemed mature for 19, but I wasn't sure what the 19 meant, so I made a bad judgment call on that.

I hope that you can find a way to get through this feeling that death might be better. A lot of us feel that.

Are you home alone a lot? Are you able to get any distraction from your emotions?
 

Jane19

New Here
I think the important thing right now is that you are talking about it. I've spent my whole life having a very unique story that people mostly don't relate to and I have gotten some shit advice and really short-sighted comments in life, but that happens.

I have found that even here, I don't feel totally understood, most of the time, but we do have different experiences and there is not a cleft-affected child abuse survivor group that I know of, just like there isn't a group for adult survivors of negative surgical outcomes that I know of. I would extend the advice that it is helpful to try to pay attention to similarities that others share with you, and try to look past the differences. We have trauma here. It's a broad basket, but it encompasses a lot of feelings rather than experiences. Isolating because you don't feel understood can be very, very detrimental to one's well-being.

On that note, we have veterans here who have taken various levels of damage and maybe you can relate to them.

Thank you for clarifying your age. You seemed mature for 19, but I wasn't sure what the 19 meant, so I made a bad judgment call on that.

I hope that you can find a way to get through this feeling that death might be better. A lot of us feel that.

Are you home alone a lot? Are you able to get any distraction from your emotions?

I tried to go to a surgery trauma forum but everyone wanted to end their life, so it wasn't helping me.

I came here because I think the feelings of ptsd are at least the same, which is why I'm sure you're here as well.

I live with an elderly aunt, so it doesn't help much. I don't have other options though as I'm not comfortable living with strangers.

I distract myself with video games. I tried working, but seeing all the beauty girls in the office gave me panic attacks
 

Friday

Moderator
First off... Welcome to the community! 😃
And I don't mean to minimize anyone's pain, but I'd rather be sexually assaulted than look like this.
There are quite a few of us with multiple types of trauma... and it doesn’t come up very often, but when it does? I think most of us have an internal rating system. What hurts the most, what’s the hardest to deal with, what causes the most problems in our lives. For a lot of us that rating system? Hinges on identity. Our fundamental sense of ourselves & who we are. PTSD? Tends to f*ck with that, regardless of whether it’s 1 trauma or 10,000. 1 type or 50. Where things tend to get complicated is when it spiderwebs... each trauma contributing to the next, or tied to the last, so no matter which string on the spiderweb is tugged? The whole damn thing starts to vibrate. How does one un-weave a spiderweb, you know? And even if one was able to... what would be left?
I came here because I think the feelings of ptsd are at least the same, which is why I'm sure you're here as well.
Cha. Trauma, and the effects of trauma, get complicated as hell... but PTSD is fairly simple & straight forward. Which makes an exciting cocktail. One of those “same shaker, but everyone’s drink poured out of it is different” kinds of things.

It’s an incrediably valuable/useful thing... one of the reasons I’m still here, years later, when I figured I’d be here maybe a week or three during my “Okay! Let’s learn everything we can to get a handle on this bitch!” deep dive for good information. The ability to step back & look at symptoms/tips/tricks/patterns... or flicker close & deal with the individual trauma itself... step back again. Just. Freaking. Useful. Especially as there are sooooooo many different personalities/lives/lifestyles/experiences to draw off of & learn from.

To wit? One of my favorite pieces of knowledge to kick? Useful from day 1 onwards? This. >>> The ptsd cup explanation

Again... Welcome 😎
 

RussellSue

Not Active
I tried to go to a surgery trauma forum but everyone wanted to end their life, so it wasn't helping me.

I can definitely see where that would not be helpful.

I tried working, but seeing all the beauty girls in the office gave me panic attacks

Is there any kind of work you could do where you were not surrounded by people?

The nice thing about work if one is able to do it is that it can drag us out of bed even when we would rather forget about life. Dogs are the same way, in my experience.

It seems like a good trauma therapist would be able to have some notion of the gravity of your situation. Do you know if your previous therapist(s) specialize in trauma?
 
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