Meeting Girl Off Internet With Ptsd (military)

[staceyb]

Just a quick one guys, in a nutshell I started talking to the most amazing girl on a dating website and immediately hit it off instantly, the online connection was amazing, finishing each others sentences off and having deep and also fun conversations, over a small period of time 3-4 days we texted loads (thousands of messages) she trusted me enough to confide that she has ptsd due to her old job and seeks weekly therapy, pre warned me that when she likes someone she pushes them away. She also pre warned me she gets anxious before the therapy and after it.

We had agreed to meet towards the end of the week, a couple days after her therapy but the day prior and couple days after she seems to withdraw.. still communicate with me but more on a generic level. Things started improving by the end of the week but due to not feeling up to it we didn't make the meeting.. didn't push for it

I offered my support and told her I wasn't going anywhere had lots of patience and had no expectations.. chemistry started to return a little. I blew things yesterday by pushing a little bit, I was going to send her some flowers to cheer her up for valentines day and said could I send them too her (stupid idea know and instantly regretted it) I realize now I invaded her space too far.. she said it was ok ands not to worry. Sent a few easy going messages that evening and haven't heard since. Do you think I have blown things with this girl and is it salvageable? I hope she is still interested in me and its just a side effect of her illness. I've done a lot of research and I know what I'm getting into (if she will still allow me) is there anyway to salvage this? I'm going to keep distance for a few days as a starting point.

What do you guys think? Maybe she just isn't interested any more (although she has told her parents and friends about me) also deleted her dating account whilst we have been chatting

Thanks.

 

[anthony]

Your report has been read, and declined, in accordance with forum policy. There is nothing wrong with what you wrote above, and there is zero identifiable information to who you are, or who the other is.

Now... to your post. The problem with PTSD is that you can read all you want, yet little or a lot of what you read may, or may not, apply to the person you're referring. PTSD is quite individualistic, and it all comes down to severity. Because you mentioned military, so a veteran, I'm going to edge more toward the severe end. I say that because veterans have training, of which inherently gets in the way and combines with PTSD, thus making it worse.

Here is something I will say to you about a person with PTSD. Contacting them too much may overwhelm them. You need to do most of your contact via face to face / video (if that is how you met), and not so much via SMS or text speak, where interpretation can be made. Face to face, even via video, you can see each other, you can see expression, emotion, you can read body language and facial expressions, and that is important when talking with someone with PTSD. They need to see you as the more important facet of the conversation.

Maybe the more relevant contact you need make with her is simply, asking her what she wants from you. Everyone is different, generation to generation, person to person. Some like one communication over another. Ask her what is best, how much contact is ok, yet not 'needy' from your side, and see how that goes maybe.

 

[staceyb]

Thanks a lot for your advice, I feel the best way I can support my friend is to be their for them when they need me, give them space but reassure them I'll help in what way they need, but ultimately I view them as a person (as a whole) and I'm not trying to fix them or therapize them. Just be that shoulder for them. Ultimately I will let them decide how much of their life they want to let me into and just respect their decision.

Thanks for the advice