Meltdown at work

[chocolatemoose]

Hello everyone,

I had a rough day. I was listening to a cPTSD audiobook this morning, hoping it’d help me understand myself better, but it hit way harder than I expected. I ended up in an absolute meltdown, crying inconsolably, and had to leave work early. Now I feel embarrassed and childish. I keep replaying what happened in my head on loop.

Has anyone else had something like this happen? How do you handle it especially when learning about trauma ends up being the trigger? How do you deal with that "out of control" feeling at a place like work?

Thanks for reading.

 

[MKEPaul]

I'm no expert, except my own experience. It seems to me that there are many, many, many right ways to heal. We get to judge that for ourselves. What works for one person might never work for us. What didn't work for us today might be the Breakthrough moment tomorrow. We're not following a map here. We're growing. We're not growing out of our ptsd. We're growing into our future. It's good to consult with others, but I don't know if there's a better healing activity than to try something, experience that thing, and claim it as beneficial for ourselves. Or reject it. Or say "not today, maybe in a month."
You did something. You helped yourself. You learned. You healed. Standing ovation. There are no small wins.

What do you think?

 

[arfie]

hello chocolate. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here but glad you are here.

Has anyone else had something like this happen?

my regrettable herstory with this phenom is so long and pronounced that i call it, "normal for me." i hold it as good news that, at 71 years old, i no longer have the energy to make it to other continents before i get my meltdown in check.

How do you handle it especially when learning about trauma ends up being the trigger?

i use, "trigger management." alas, trigger management is a skill set which is hard to learn and even harder to master. i am a linguist and quite easily compare trigger management to my language studies. i achieve fluency one word at a time. with persistence, the words add up to paragraphs before ya knows it.

How do you deal with that "out of control" feeling at a place like work?

learning how to make amends has been my most effective tool for this one. there are a creative number of ways to tell an innocent bystander, "i'm sorry. you didn't deserve that." the not-so-innocent bystanders are tougher, but i heal a bit every time i pull it off.

hope i didn't get too rambly on you. i mostly wanted to welcome you aboard.

 

[chocolatemoose]

I'm no expert, except my own experience. It seems to me that there are many, many, many right ways to heal. We get to judge that for ourselves. What works for one person might never work for us. What didn't work for us today might be the Breakthrough moment tomorrow. We're not following a map here. We're growing. We're not growing out of our ptsd. We're growing into our future. It's good to consult with others, but I don't know if there's a better healing activity than to try something, experience that thing, and claim it as beneficial for ourselves. Or reject it. Or say "not today, maybe in a month."
You did something. You helped yourself. You learned. You healed. Standing ovation. There are no small wins.

What do you think?

I really appreciate this perspective. I think I’ve maybe been so focused on doing healing the “right” way that I forget it’s okay to learn by trying, pausing, and trying again. Thanks for the reminder to see that as growth too.

hello chocolate. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here but glad you are here.

my regrettable herstory with this phenom is so long and pronounced that i call it, "normal for me." i hold it as good news that, at 71 years old, i no longer have the energy to make it to other continents before i get my meltdown in check.

i use, "trigger management." alas, trigger management is a skill set which is hard to learn and even harder to master. i am a linguist and quite easily compare trigger management to my language studies. i achieve fluency one word at a time. with persistence, the words add up to paragraphs before ya knows it.

learning how to make amends has been my most effective tool for this one. there are a creative number of ways to tell an innocent bystander, "i'm sorry. you didn't deserve that." the not-so-innocent bystanders are tougher, but i heal a bit every time i pull it off.

hope i didn't get too rambly on you. i mostly wanted to welcome you aboard.

Thank you so much for the warm welcome!

I like the way you described trigger management as something you get fluent in over time; that makes it feel less like I’ve failed and more like I’m still learning the language. That’s such a helpful way to frame it.

And the part about making amends… that’s something I hadn’t even thought about. I usually just feel so intensely ashamed afterward that I kind of shut down, but I can see how it could be grounding to repair instead of hiding.

 

[Movingforward10]

Now I feel embarrassed and childish.

It isn't childish and I can understand the embarrassment but there isn't anything to be embarrassed about. If you had developed a fever or broken a bone, you would take the time to get better without self blame. The same goes for mental health. Healing from trauma is hard hard hard work. Just as valid as healing from a broken bone.

I keep replaying what happened in my head on loop.

It's horrible being stuck in endless loops. I'm in one currently. It's hard seeing a way out of the loop , but it is possible..
What helps to ground you? Things that can help can be: exercise*, breathing*, thought stopping, speaking out aloud to yourself, hugging yourself or stroking your arm, etc etc

*A little caveat to those that these can be triggering in themselves if feeling your body is a trigger.

How do you handle it especially when learning about trauma ends up being the trigger?

Like @alfie said, it's learning about triggers. Whatever the trigger is, being aware that is the trigger (that's half a battle!) and then learning how to respond to triggers. Triggers can stop too. When I'm doing well, something that has been a trigger isn't anymore. It's not even a 'thing' then. So triggers can get better.

How do you deal with that "out of control" feeling at a place like work?

I was able to do a few things. The day after therapy I put in my diary a 'no meeting day' to avoid a day with back to back meetings to allow my brain to settle a bit. I also worked from home to avoid the need to be around people. It allowed me more breaks to reset and understand what was happening in my head.
But I am in a job that allows for home working and I have a lot of autonomy with how I work , and that may or may not help you depending on the flexibility of your job.

 

[Freddyt]

Things you do around PTSD can have varied and unexpected results.

I, myself, wouldn't do anything apart from managing my anxiety during the day, and especially if I was working.

 

[Torch]

How do you deal with that "out of control" feeling at a place like work?

This kind of 'uncontrollably crying meltdown' has happened in the classroom every year of school I can think of, including undergrad and grad school. It has happened at least once at work too. It does bring up emotions like embarrassment for me too.

I try to find a place to be alone and let the crying play out.
People have tried to touch and otherwise comfort me in the past. I find this only adds anger and aggression to the mix of emotions.
Ironically crying feels good and the chemicals the brain released while crying help.

I'm not sure how helpful it is to 'make amends' to customers or co-workers who are near you at the time, other than issuing a 'sorry about that' in regards to your ability to not regulate, or 'sorry I need to excuse myself' when you leave to cry alone.
I find this kind of emotional struggle usually invokes sympathy or pity in others. People tend to be more worried about the person sobbing than their momentary lack of service or co-working assist.

I think it might be more helpful to find a way to make amends to yourself, since you are the one struggling with the onslaught of some powerful repressed emotions?

 

[Friday]

Has anyone else had something like this happen? How do you handle it especially when learning about trauma ends up being the trigger? How do you deal with that "out of control" feeling at a place like work?

Word to the wise >>> Reading Forum Increases Symptoms! <<< The avoidance symptom with PTSD is nooooooo joke.

Anytime you’re doing trauma work? Double Triple Doooooown on stress management >>> The ptsd cup explanation

 

[chocolatemoose]

It isn't childish and I can understand the embarrassment but there isn't anything to be embarrassed about. If you had developed a fever or broken a bone, you would take the time to get better without self blame. The same goes for mental health. Healing from trauma is hard hard hard work. Just as valid as healing from a broken bone.

It's horrible being stuck in endless loops. I'm in one currently. It's hard seeing a way out of the loop , but it is possible..
What helps to ground you? Things that can help can be: exercise*, breathing*, thought stopping, speaking out aloud to yourself, hugging yourself or stroking your arm, etc etc

*A little caveat to those that these can be triggering in themselves if feeling your body is a trigger.

Like @alfie said, it's learning about triggers. Whatever the trigger is, being aware that is the trigger (that's half a battle!) and then learning how to respond to triggers. Triggers can stop too. When I'm doing well, something that has been a trigger isn't anymore. It's not even a 'thing' then. So triggers can get better.

I was able to do a few things. The day after therapy I put in my diary a 'no meeting day' to avoid a day with back to back meetings to allow my brain to settle a bit. I also worked from home to avoid the need to be around people. It allowed me more breaks to reset and understand what was happening in my head.
But I am in a job that allows for home working and I have a lot of autonomy with how I work , and that may or may not help you depending on the flexibility of your job.

Thank you so much for this. The comparison to a broken bone honestly hit me hard in a good way. I never think of it that way, but it makes sense. it’s not weakness, it’s recovery.

I also really appreciate the list of grounding ideas. I’ve been trying some breathing and self-soothing things (the stroking-your-arm idea actually sounds comforting), but I think I need to be more intentional about noticing my triggers instead of just reacting and then beating myself up afterward.

I like the idea of building in a “cool-down” day after therapy too. I might try something like that when I can. Thank you for sharing what helps you, it means a lot.

Thank you for sharing this. It’s comforting and relieving to know I’m not the only one who’s had those kinds of crying meltdowns in public or at work.

What you said about finding a place to be alone really resonates. I’ve noticed that too. Being around people, especially if they attempt to comfort me physically, only makes things feel more intense.

I really love the idea of making amends to myself. I hadn’t thought of it that way, but it makes a lot of sense. I’m the one who went through the emotional storm, so being gentle with myself afterward feels like the right kind of repair. Thank you again for taking the time to write all that. It really does help.

This kind of 'uncontrollably crying meltdown' has happened in the classroom every year of school I can think of, including undergrad and grad school. It has happened at least once at work too. It does bring up emotions like embarrassment for me too.

I try to find a place to be alone and let the crying play out.
People have tried to touch and otherwise comfort me in the past. I find this only adds anger and aggression to the mix of emotions.
Ironically crying feels good and the chemicals the brain released while crying help.

I'm not sure how helpful it is to 'make amends' to customers or co-workers who are near you at the time, other than issuing a 'sorry about that' in regards to your ability to not regulate, or 'sorry I need to excuse myself' when you leave to cry alone.
I find this kind of emotional struggle usually invokes sympathy or pity in others. People tend to be more worried about the person sobbing than their momentary lack of service or co-working assist.

I think it might be more helpful to find a way to make amends to yourself, since you are the one struggling with the onslaught of some powerful repressed emotions?

Word to the wise >>> Reading Forum Increases Symptoms! <<< The avoidance symptom with PTSD is nooooooo joke.

Anytime you’re doing trauma work? Double Triple Doooooown on stress management >>> The ptsd cup explanation

I've definitely noticed how just reading about trauma can stir things up, even when I think I'm ready for it. I'm going to be more careful about where and when I read/listen to resources. Thank you for the links!