My Dad Doesn't Understand Me

[Alicia Webber]

I have been living with the effects of trauma for 20 plus years and it has been hard for me to deal with to say the least. I was raped when I was seven years old and I blocked out the entire incident and the only real thing I remember is leaving my school voluntarily and also of running out of the woods after it happened. Everything before that I blocked out and I still have a lot of major anxiety and (I believe) PTSD related issues that are tied to the incident itself. I have lived with this for so many years that I really have the worst time breaking myself away from the incident itself. Who am I? Who is this scared child that is still unable to leave the woods even though I already escaped from my perpetrator?? I may have left the scene but the situation has carried into my relationships and my own major insecurities. The feelings I have of shame, guilt, anger, blame, and overwhelming sadness have taken over most of my thoughts for a long time. But I'm hoping to turn over a new leaf and to face this with or without trauma counseling. I went to counseling specifically for this about 2 or 3 x and I'm not sure if it's the answer to this issue. I have always used counseling to get through my issues and I'm on the fence about using this to get through.

 

[ladee]

My wish for you is that you decide to seek help with this. I can only speak for myself here, but I needed that extra set of ears to hear me and help me understand what happened and to not blame myself. I have not tried to untangle major events such as this without help.
May I ask why you might choose to not seek counseling?

 

[sun seeker]

Congratulations on starting your diary. I too would recommend trauma therapy. Two or three times really is not enough to know whether it is going to help. You deserve the best help there is.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I agree and really hope that you search for a really good therapist to help you to process all of the emotions that are overwhelming you. This is too traumatic of an horror of an experience for a seven year old girl to manage on her own. I highly recommend that you begin to really search for the right therapist for you to process everything. You are no longer alone and were quite brave in sharing this experience with everyone hear.