My Daughter Got Beat Up By Her Husband Last Night While She Was Asleep

[Deleted member 12723]

She does not want a lawyer. She is prepared to defend her case herself. She got a restraining order on a boyfriend when she was in high school and he had a lawyer and she got the order. He had made a threat to her.

So I think she shines when she is in court. She has had alot of practice.

I went over to her house today and they are all safe and well. The girls are doing alot of arts and crafts stuff. When I left the older girl was spray painting a design on her scooter.

My daughter poured out her heart to me. The guy is a complete control freak. It was when she began making friends that things escallated between them. He broke her down very much and it is very good to see her bloom again. I knew something was wrong, but I did not ask her. I guess it is because I have my hands full with my husband. He stayed home today while I went over there.

I will tell her again about getting a lawyer and going to a domestic violence organization for help. She is so done with him and I am very glad. She does not want her girls to think it is ok to be treated like that. It is hard to believe this happened on Tuesday. Alot has been accomplished.

She seems to think he will have charges brought against him for having over fifty guns. It just makes me so sick.

I had been horrilbalizing about him with all of those guns not too long ago.

She seems to think he will get a dishonorable discharge from the army reserves. I hope so. She is going to ask for spousal support and child support. I hope she gets it.

Him hitting her woke her up to how evil the guy really is. He is the worst sort of coward terrorizing a woman and her children with emotional and verbal abuse. He is the worst sort of control freak. He respects the cops though and does not want to go back to jail. He is respecting the order and leaving her alone. I am very grateful for that. I am glad he has the sense to stay away and leave her alone.

He plays like he is such a nice guy. He is the worst sort of coward.. He is showing his true colors now. I do not know if he kept his job or not. She does not know either. I wonder who bailed him out? I wish he was still in jail.

 

[ms spock]

I hope it goes well for her and that she gets the order gizmo.

It might be a good idea if she gets a sheriff or court support or domestic violence officer/support worker to escort not only after the court hearing but beforehand as well. (This depends on who is available.)

There usually is a victim's/survivors own waiting room as well and it is good to make use of these facilities.

All the best!

 

[Abstract]

Gizmo, what is even more telling is that he assaulted her while she was asleep.

Your daughter sounds very capable.

50 guns! :eek: I am very relieved to hear they have been confiscated. It's good to hear that happens in situations such as this.

Sending you support Gizmo.

 

[Queen Boudica]

You should be so proud of yourself Gizmo that you have brought up a daughter who has such strength of character that she is taking on all of this so bravely. I know having a strong mother like you will have seeded into her that strength that she is showing now.

I had the opposite, a mother who took every bit of confidence I had away from me and seeded into me that abuse was OK, that I deserved it because I was so useless and could not possibly survive without my abuser. It took me years to leave my abuser because I just did not have that strength your daughter got from you.

Just wanted to say that having a loving caring mother who shows such courage and strength and teaches her daughter by example that she is worth being treated properly is so important. Your daughter is also passing on that example to her children. Well done Gizmo.

 

[nursenurse]

Gizmo. Wow. The law seems to be more lenient on first timers. At least here it seems that way.

The most empowering moment I had was when my daughter's biological dad was making all sorts of threats to me and my family. And trust me, there was someone in his family who had killed someone before. So I had reason to be scared. I told him I knew my rights, and I was no longer scared of him. Threw him for a loop. I was shaking in my boots. I had the cops on my side, I had lawyers, friends etc.

My situation is different, all I am saying is, take your daughter's cue. I personally would not want him paying a dime and therefore not see the kids, but then, he owes them. He owes your daughter. I hope he gets some anger management training. I hope Daddy lets him stand on his own two feet, or fall to his knees. And, I will pray for him too. Too often we forget them in prayer. To heal. Not to be back with your daughter, but to really, really heal.

You, Gizmo, are my hero.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I hope that this throws him for a loop too. I hope it is a big wake up call for him. He is respecting the order and I see that as a good sign. I am glad he does not want to go back to jail. He had everything and acted like a tyrant. He did whatever he wanted. My daughter was so broken down. I am glad to see the life come back into her and her daughters.

My daughter loves the fact that he is gone and she is free to do what she wants now. She made salsa today. She is doing so many wonderful things with her daughters. I am glad she can go to court on Monday and not have to see him.

Sadly they are lenient to first timers. I hate that. The police have been stand up guys as far as I am concerned. I love how serious they took this whole thing. I am glad he lost his precious guns.

The problem will be when she faces him in court. But she shines in a courtroom. She is really bright and understands how the judges like things to be. She does not lose her cool. I would be a basket case.

He has not tried to contact us, he knows he cannot fool us anymore with his nice guy act. I hate this guy for what he has done to them. My daughter was trying to protect me because of the caregiving for my husband.

I will make him an appointment on Monday to see his doctor so we can get permission for home health care. It is time for that. My husband is fading fast. He is going downhil very fast.

I will call her again a little later. I have been in touch with her alot more. It has meant so much to see her recovering from this so fast. She is not sleeping good and I cannot help but wonder if that is because he attacked her when she was sleeping. I will have to ask her about that.

She said when it is time for him to get his stuff she will have it packed up in the garage and he will not be allowed in the house.

I love to see the strength in her now.

I do not think he will get visiting rights. I do not know if he has a job right now and can pay those things.

I am glad once they are divorced she will not have anything to do with him. She is so angry and it does my heart good to see that. It was a wake up call for her.

 

[JustBe]

He did whatever he wanted. My daughter was so broken down. I am glad to see the life come back into her and her daughters.

My daughter loves the fact that he is gone and she is free to do what she wants now.

I remember that feeling of freedom! :)

She is not sleeping good and I cannot help but wonder if that is because he attacked her when she was sleeping. I will have to ask her about that.

I think it is good that you noticed this Gizmo. With your help and support she will have a good chance to come out of this stronger.

 

[amethist]

I hope all goes well for your daughter gizmo, and that you get the home care for your husband you need so badly.

 

[winterose]

Take care of yourself too Gizmo. Still cheering for you all.

 

[Cufflinks]

Go go Gizmo!

We're all here for you.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

My husband and I both went out for haircuts and frappes. When I got home my daughter had tried to call me two times. She was worried about us. She had alot of fun yesterday and said we have to do this alot more. He had been keeping her away from us.

I will go over to her house on Thursday to give them the valentine gifts we got them. I do not know if my husband will come or not. He started to get nausous when I was getting my hair done. It really wipes him out to go somewhere. Today I had to put his shirt on, his levis, his socks, and his shoes. But he is having a good day.

I feel alot better. It was good to get out of the house today. We are watching a movie. I am sorry to worry my daughter. I will have to keep my cell phone on.

She slept better last night. I am glad for that. Today the girls are playing video games and she is taking cat naps.

I cannot believe it was her husband all of this time. She could not talk to me and say anything when he was there. He is such a control freak.

I am so glad he is out of the picture now. I thought it was us. I thought it was because her dad had dementia and she could not handle this.

She figured out that it had been since two thousand and four that we last got together at her house, just us girls. We had been going out for coffee, but he had her convinced that she did not make sense and no one would understand her when she was talking. I am so glad she is therapy. I still think the girls should be in therapy too.

I want to pay for the oldest girl to continue her banjo lessons. But we are trying to watch our expenses. When she moves she wants to stay in the area so her girls do not have to change schools. I think that is a good plan. They need all of the stability they can get.

She will call me later on.

They have been a family under seige. I am so proud of her for sending the dogs back to him. She will try to find a chicken ranch to take their two chickens. She said she cannot afford to feed them anymore.

She will keep her cats. They were all freaked out because of all the cops that had been in the house when they came in and arrested him.

I love my new haircut. It is very short, much easier to take care of. I liked the girl that did it. I will go there from now on to get my hair cut and dyed. My hair was not cut very good. I like this place alot better.

I had to help my husband take off his long sleeved shirt in the place. He did ok talking telling her what he wanted in a hair cut. I remember taking his mom to a hairdresser to get her hair done. She liked it alot.

So today we are just relaxing. This will not be a busy week. I will get my nails done this week too. I have to take my husband to the neurologist next week. I do not know what he can do. I will ask him about homehealth care and mabe save me an extra trip to the doctors.

Otherwise I have to take him back to see his family doctor again. It is kind of hard to get in the car and drive around. I am afraid of being followed by her husband.

I am sleeping ok. I am not as afraid as I was since he is respecting the order. I will know more tommorow after my daughter goes to court.

I am glad she is going to pack up his stuff and put it in the garage so he can only go into the garage. She said she would not be there when he does that.

About a year ago she had asked him to move out and he went peacefully and took all of his stuff. But when he came back he was more controlling than he had been before.

They each had their own checking account and she was doing ok as long as her ex was paying her child support. She handled the utilities and he handled the mortgage and the cell phones and mabe even the internet. He would not get a joint account with her and he would not let her see his finances. What a complete jerk he was.

My daughter is a smart, pretty, bright lady. But she got into the battered woman syndrome. And all of this time, I thought it was too painful for her to be around us because of the decline of her dad.

It is so amazing to talk to her now. It is like the iron curtain has been torn down. I feel I got my daughter back. It is a wonderful feeling. We will be ok. It will all turn out ok.

Thank you so much for your contined support. It is making such a profound difference in my life while we are going through this. I get weird thoughts that he will get another gun and kill them and mabe us. It is a horrible thought and I try not to think it.

That is why I think it is a good sign that he is respecting the order. His dad has not tried to contact my daughter anymore after that. I hope when this is all over her husband will go back east where his parents are.

I think he had a secret life. She told me that he did not come straight home after work so she does not know what he was doing. It is like he had a secret life. He is a stranger to us.


He knows he cannot fool us. He was so nice in the beginning. He helped us so much. It changed when he moved out the first time. He knew we supported our daughter and he was different towards us. But whenever we were around he played the nice guy. I was so distracted by my husband that I did not pick up on how tense they all were.

Oh well. I can breathe a sigh of relief now. I will let you know how it goes with her at court. For the divorce I think they are both supposed to be there. We will take it a step at a time.

 

[nursenurse]

Hi Gizmo, so glad you can relax a little. Thank goodness you know the truth about your daughter's isolation. I can't imagine how you must have felt when you thought she couldn't handle what was happening to her Dad. Now you two can support each other.

I hope he continues to respect the court orders. I hope your daughter stays strong. I hope you get home support for your husband, as much for you as for him, so you don't burn out. It will be okay, maybe a few bumps in the road, but it is only a blip on the timeline of life.