My Diary Of Depressive Demons

[TroyW]

So I don't even know where to start. I have been suffering and self numbing so long that all these hidden demons were locked in their cages. Now I am 23 days sober and the flashbacks are worse and worse. They said that they may be linked to my best friends death in the fifth grade. After my flashbacks I no longer think this is the case when I was 18mos old I had dropped a claw hammer on my head and received 32 staples a day later I had overdosed on vitamins. A couple days back i flashed back to the hospital. . Only my friend showed up in the two weeks I was there. My family they didn't show up they said I should have just died.. a month later my brother had been to the hospital one night... everyone showed up. Yesterday in group I had a flashback of a night where I meditated and prayed to god asking him to show me everything that night he did and I woke up crying the after effects of this one was like super super genius mode... I have an IQ of 182 a lot of people were scared... just wondering am I crazy?

 

[EverOnly358]

Hey @TroyW ,

Great job starting your Trauma Diary! It's definitely difficult. It does help to let this stuff out, however you can do it. Writing helps. I'm so very sorry for everything you've gone through. So sorry. I'm not sure exactly what's going on with the super genius mode stuff. I guess I'm wondering if you started taking new medications? When I was being prescribed anti-depressants and other drugs, some of them made me flip into mania (bipolar disorder) and then I *felt* like I was a genius (not that I am one). I've certainly yelled at God before, too. Am I crazy? Maybe. ;)

I'm not sure if this helps, just wanted to let you know I'm still listening. You're not alone and you're not the only one going through this sort of thing. It's bad, I know, but hang in there! Be strong! You can do this.

D123

 

[TroyW]

Still no medication they are slow playing the paper work the battle goes on a step at a time just had a couple mini flashes while waiting in line for paper work

 

[Yugogypsy]

My family "disown" (for the lack of better words). I've had my share of nightmares and flashbacks. Paper shufflers like papers, not humans. Had my share of going crazy because they're not seeing the human part of you with thoughts, feelings and perspectives. Medicine is not for everybody. People dole out medicine like candies that makes me wonder are they really listening or just experimenting on us. Listen to your heart and you'll find the answers within you. Hope you find something that helps. People think that they're helping but really they're hurting. It's the "sorting out" part is what you'll have to figure out what helps you the best.