My diary of random thoughts

AnnieMae

MyPTSD Pro
Sorry, but that is foolish defeatist thinking. Everybody fails LOTS. Everybody loses. It doesn't define the rest of your life. It's for you to learn from, to develop wisdom.

He didn't make you, his treatment of you doesn't define who you are, it shows you where you have weaknesses that you need to tend to. If you want to get pass this, you need to apply responsibility yourself. To your thinking.

I'm sorry if this sounds a bit "suck it up" ish, but, truly, you need to understand that being victimized doesn't make you a victim for the rest of your life.

It should humble you. Make you awake and aware to the fact that there are dangerous and beguiling people out there. They lie. They cheat. They steal your power, if you let them. So use this experience to make you more aware. More steely. More mature. Wiser.

I understand needing to lick your wounds. I really do. You need time to heal. You need time to grieve what you have lost. Your innocence. Your naivety. The carefree you that is no longer. But don't let this bad reationship steal your future happiness. You don't have to let it. Don't do that to yourself. He's not the one oppressing you anymore. You are doing it to yourself and letting negative defeatist thinking steal your future wellbeing. Don't. Let. The. Bad. Win.

Take back your power. You can do this @AnnieMae. If other's of us can do it, you can. We aren't better than you, or more special. We are just ordinary people You need to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again.

But first be kind to yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone f*cks up. It's a dangerous world full of pitfalls and people traps. So cut yourself some slack. Just give yourself some time. As much time as you need. You will heal. You will recover. You will mature through this. You will find love again, if you first treat yourself with some kindness, patience, consideration and quit believing the defeatest, undermining, setting-you-up-for-more-failure voices. Say "No" to perpetual victimhood and yes to understanding "Well we all make mistakes, I'm just one of 7 billion + humans who get themselves in a pickle and have to work out how to work through it."

Start thinking about how you could show yourself a little more kindness and understanding and things will start to shift.

Try it. It takes time, but it works.

Yes, you have to grieve, but eventually you will feel more acceptance and start to recognise that there is still plenty of good, in life, to celebrate and be grateful for.
I will probably always grieve it because I lost so many good opportunities that I can’t get beck. So many bad things have happened, and no good things. You are right, there is nothing anyone can do, so I have to suck it up. No one cares anyway. I try to be nice to people and it just backfired in my face. If I stick up for myself, it backfires in my face. I decided to try and get licensed for work and I am failing. I can’t retain any of the info. I can’t get any leadership opportunities either. I am literally a loser. I have nothing. No one. No friends either. My family all has their own lives too. No one calls me to do anything. The person I thought was my best friend doesn’t even talk to me anymore because he had feelings for me. Life sucks. Everyone says you can create the life you want, but I don’t see that possibility. All I see are other people getting helped out with things. Free houses, motorcycles, etc. I used to be that person, but I wasted it all on a crappy marriage with a narcissist. I think my lesson in life is you can’t have what you want. My ex always told me that, and it is so true. He also always told me how dumb I am, and now I am seeing that as well. I am seeing everything is a bad lesson. I used to have all good ones, now they are just bad. Going out into the real world sucks. Even therapy. Then the therapist gives me suggestions, I try them, they don’t work and it’s my fault.
 

AnnieMae

MyPTSD Pro
I’m failing my studying and also depressed because I have no friends. Sometimes, I think therapy makes things worse. I can’t get rid of the charges or fix my life. I’m so tired and drained.
 

AnnieMae

MyPTSD Pro
My therapist keeps telling me I will figure it out. She gives me suggestions and nothing works. I never felt like this before and no one can help me. I feel confused about my identity after being set up. I know I will be alone forever, but the pain is killing me! The emotions, just everything is so bad.
 

AnnieMae

MyPTSD Pro
Why is it that nothing helps? No one can help you when you need it. I was completely manipulated and screwed over. Set up and made to look like a dumbass. I used to love myself before all of this. Now, I hate everything about my life, I am stuck in a rut, every decision I make bites me in the butt, and I am miserable and angry. I see other people getting houses, inheritance, free motorcycles...what the hell???? Not one person is helping me or giving me free stuff. I am damned if I do, damned if I don’t. That jerk screwed me over and I lost everything and all anyone can say is you can rebuild your life...well screw you! Everyone wants to give suggestions but no one can fix it. Quit blowing smoke up my butt and telling me lies
 

AnnieMae

MyPTSD Pro
I am running into some serious roadblocks here and it’s not funny anymore. Not knowing who I am and making decisions is ruining my life. I cannot believe this is al happening to me. I am stuck and things are getting worse. I am at a loss of what to do. If I never met my ex, this never ever would have happened. Now, I got in trouble and between him messing with me and everyone else I can’t take it! And the only advice I get is move on!!!! Move on to what without messing up my life more??? But I’m so miserable where I am at. Everyone is messing with me!!!!! Ahhhhh!!!!! I am super naive- I get it, but I can’t change the way I think and can’t make my life better. I must have the personality of a paper bag because all of the guys I like do not like me. This is absolutely ridiculous. I am not enjoying life at all and then I am just told- it is what it is. Really??? What the hell??? I worked hard for nothing???? Either pay more money for therapy and continue to suffer from anxiety, keep getting used by guys, and other people. And buying a house and having money- oh hell no. I am so insecure in who I am. I have become fake and I don’t like it. I have no friends, nothing. Do you know how hard it is to believe in anything when the whole world has crapped on you? You are the one that has to make sacrifices. You are the confused one. I did not take what I had for granted, but it sure as hell but me in the butt. Not him, just me. I am stupid and naive. I cannot take the anxiety and weirdness anymore. I truly wish someone could help me. I am not ok with this. I am freaking out so bad and everyone thinks I am helpless. I need real answers and real help. Not this it’s all in your mind.
 

AnnieMae

MyPTSD Pro
Everyone lies about everything, hides the truth. I can’t keep my mouth shut. Everything I say and do is held against me so now I will be in forever eternal hell. All of my ideas are stolen and don’t ever work for me. Never work. It’s ridiculous. How on earth do you ever know what someone is thinking if they won’t tell you and how do you trust people when you we’re screwed over so badly????
 

AnnieMae

MyPTSD Pro
What do you do when your therapist tells you your life will never be the same, will never be as good, but then turns around and says it will be better and you know she is completely lying??? Just like everyone else
 

joeylittle

Administrator
@AnnieMae - is there anything you do just for yourself, that you can do BY yourself? That isn't dependent on or related to finding a guy, or friendships, or family?

Like - do you have a hobby?

You're not living your life, right now. You're regretting your life up to this point.

Living your life is not always easy and I'm no expert - but one thing I know for certain is that it starts with learning to live with yourself.
 

AnnieMae

MyPTSD Pro
Hobby is reading and working out. Hobbies aren’t really that fulfilling to me anymore. I just don’t like myself anymore due to all of the rejection and trying to fix my life after someone else messed it up and set me up. I am screwed either way I look at it. The only way to heal is to believe in a shitty ass life and accept it. No one likes me even when I am trying to be positive.
 

joeylittle

Administrator
I just don’t like myself anymore due to all of the rejection and trying to fix my life after someone else messed it up and set me up
So, sounds like those hobbies aren't really turning into things you can be passionate about.

Are there other things you've every been interested in trying? (Things like activities/pursuits)
 
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