I will probably always grieve it because I lost so many good opportunities that I can’t get beck. So many bad things have happened, and no good things. You are right, there is nothing anyone can do, so I have to suck it up. No one cares anyway. I try to be nice to people and it just backfired in my face. If I stick up for myself, it backfires in my face. I decided to try and get licensed for work and I am failing. I can’t retain any of the info. I can’t get any leadership opportunities either. I am literally a loser. I have nothing. No one. No friends either. My family all has their own lives too. No one calls me to do anything. The person I thought was my best friend doesn’t even talk to me anymore because he had feelings for me. Life sucks. Everyone says you can create the life you want, but I don’t see that possibility. All I see are other people getting helped out with things. Free houses, motorcycles, etc. I used to be that person, but I wasted it all on a crappy marriage with a narcissist. I think my lesson in life is you can’t have what you want. My ex always told me that, and it is so true. He also always told me how dumb I am, and now I am seeing that as well. I am seeing everything is a bad lesson. I used to have all good ones, now they are just bad. Going out into the real world sucks. Even therapy. Then the therapist gives me suggestions, I try them, they don’t work and it’s my fault.Sorry, but that is foolish defeatist thinking. Everybody fails LOTS. Everybody loses. It doesn't define the rest of your life. It's for you to learn from, to develop wisdom.
He didn't make you, his treatment of you doesn't define who you are, it shows you where you have weaknesses that you need to tend to. If you want to get pass this, you need to apply responsibility yourself. To your thinking.
I'm sorry if this sounds a bit "suck it up" ish, but, truly, you need to understand that being victimized doesn't make you a victim for the rest of your life.
It should humble you. Make you awake and aware to the fact that there are dangerous and beguiling people out there. They lie. They cheat. They steal your power, if you let them. So use this experience to make you more aware. More steely. More mature. Wiser.
I understand needing to lick your wounds. I really do. You need time to heal. You need time to grieve what you have lost. Your innocence. Your naivety. The carefree you that is no longer. But don't let this bad reationship steal your future happiness. You don't have to let it. Don't do that to yourself. He's not the one oppressing you anymore. You are doing it to yourself and letting negative defeatist thinking steal your future wellbeing. Don't. Let. The. Bad. Win.
Take back your power. You can do this @AnnieMae. If other's of us can do it, you can. We aren't better than you, or more special. We are just ordinary people You need to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again.
But first be kind to yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone f*cks up. It's a dangerous world full of pitfalls and people traps. So cut yourself some slack. Just give yourself some time. As much time as you need. You will heal. You will recover. You will mature through this. You will find love again, if you first treat yourself with some kindness, patience, consideration and quit believing the defeatest, undermining, setting-you-up-for-more-failure voices. Say "No" to perpetual victimhood and yes to understanding "Well we all make mistakes, I'm just one of 7 billion + humans who get themselves in a pickle and have to work out how to work through it."
Start thinking about how you could show yourself a little more kindness and understanding and things will start to shift.
Try it. It takes time, but it works.
Yes, you have to grieve, but eventually you will feel more acceptance and start to recognise that there is still plenty of good, in life, to celebrate and be grateful for.