My diary of random thoughts

AnnieMae

MyPTSD Pro
This whole thing has literally ruined my life. I hate being alone but I also hate being desperate. I can’t take people anymore either. I don’t know when they are for real or kidding. Holy shit, this is bad. I think I am becoming a weirdo ass stalker
 

AnnieMae

MyPTSD Pro
Why am I so afraid of being alone? I have no close friends and I blew it. I can’t take this anymore. The pressure on me from him and the evilness in my head just won’t stop. Nothing is helping. I don’t want to be alone anymore.
 

AnnieMae

MyPTSD Pro
My life is literally closing in on me- I am alone, no friends, far from my family, in a job I don’t like anymore. I am depressed because of my circumstances and I can’t change them. Every decision I make I regret. It just doesn’t end. It isn’t getting better, I am stuck and everything is so messed up. I have no one and it is depressing
 

AnnieMae

MyPTSD Pro
Story of my life at this point. Always is. I try so hard to stay positive and be one sided, but I am a loser. It sucks. I have no friends and it just doesn’t change. I have no real connections to people at all. It sucks. I can’t read minds, I am that oblivious to things. I hate it all.
 

Survivor3

MyPTSD Pro
You shouldn't be so negative about yourself. I'm sure you've got good qualities.

Didn't you mention before about going to groups? What happened with that?
 

AnnieMae

MyPTSD Pro
Didn't you mention before about going to groups? What happened with that?
They are all on zoom right now, at least where I am at. And barely anyone shows up. I really feel like everything is just so messed up and I can’t make a right decision on anything anymore
 

Survivor3

MyPTSD Pro
They are all on zoom right now, at least where I am at. And barely anyone shows up. I really feel like everything is just so messed up and I can’t make a right decision on anything anymore
Like decisions about what?

It's not easy to make good decisions when you have poor mental health.
 

AnnieMae

MyPTSD Pro
It's not easy to make good decisions when you have poor mental health.
It’s not easy making good decisions when you were messed with and you try hard to be nice and seem to come off weird, and you feel awkward and know that you seem so f*cking stupid to the entire world. Because of one relationship and one thing. You just messed up your life and can’t redeem yourself.’
 

Survivor3

MyPTSD Pro
It’s not easy making good decisions when you were messed with and you try hard to be nice and seem to come off weird, and you feel awkward and know that you seem so f*cking stupid to the entire world. Because of one relationship and one thing. You just messed up your life and can’t redeem yourself.’
But you can't let that one thing, one experience ruin the rest of your life. You've got to forget about it and move on.
 

AnnieMae

MyPTSD Pro
But you can't let that one thing, one experience ruin the rest of your life. You've got to forget about it and move on.
Well, it’s not just one thing. I thought I would have a different life, but I cannot change. I know it seems crazy, but so many bad things have just compiled on me and everything just seems so messed up, I literally feel like my life is closing in on me. I go to therapy I listen to everyone else that tells me that my ex was a narcissist and a psycho, but I feel like crap. I can’t change. The thought of breaking out and even doing anything to try and make myself better gives me anxiety. All I really want is a relationship with someone. But I feel stupid for even wanting that. I feel like everything has backfired in my face and that everyone else is right, but when I try anything, it’s just wrong. I try to explain to the therapist that I didn’t have to fight for things before, they just happened, but now it’s all messed up.

I hate being sensitive and dumb. I hate that I think too much and have so many stupid feelings. I want to turn them off, but now all of a sudden I can’t. WTF happened to me??? I wasn’t like this before and therapy really isn’t helping.
 

Survivor3

MyPTSD Pro
I hate being sensitive and dumb. I hate that I think too much and have so many stupid feelings. I want to turn them off, but now all of a sudden I can’t. WTF happened to me??? I wasn’t like this before and therapy really isn’t helping.
Feelings arent facts. It sounds like you ruminate alot.
 
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