My husband wants to come to a session.

[Stephernovas]

1 - those sessions are YOURS, not his.
2 - it sounds like you already feel uncomfortable, so I wou...

I pretty much disagree with this whole reply.

My boyfriend has been to session with me.

More...

I'm not sure what about my opinion you are disagreeing. She is free to do as she chooses, I simply am stating facts and options. The sessions ARE hers, if she is uncomfortable it is likely the therapist will provide alternative means to share things with husband (depending on how therapeutic it is for the client), it IS completely up to her, and it's not the therapists job to tell others HER story - they are our supports - it was a suggestion/idea for the husband to share a list of questions (for her to feel more comfortable and prepared if she chose to let him attend a session), and lastly, she can spend time debriefing with her therapist if needed. These are all factual things that could happen lol

I am glad that your boyfriend went to a session with you and (it sounds like) you had a positive outcome. However that does not mean it is like that for everyone else. We have to be open-minded enough to recognize differing personalities and etc

 

[deeplyloved]

Ah. I see. I’m not ready for that kind of openness either. My husband knows generalities but not specifics. I’m not sure I think it would be any good for him to know details. I would think about including him in therapy only to get tips and insights about dealing with my symptoms.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

Ah. I see. I’m not ready for that kind of openness either. My husband knows generalities but not...

I think that is what mine wants. Also, I think he feels hurt or resents when I immediately say "no" as a first response when he wants to go somewhere after a long day. I need down time and fear doing too much. Maybe the T could help him realize that I am not rejecting him. Or help him understand why so much stuff scares me.

 

[Freida]

. He has no clue what I went through and how messed up my thoughts can be.

same here. Hubby knows there are some "issues" in my past but we decided when I got diagnosed not to discuss it at home. Partly because I had never brought it up before I got into counseling and partly because I just don't want him to see me that way. He wouldn't have an issue with it, but I would

 

[EveHarrington]

Here is my experience.

I realize that things went extremely well for me, and that not everyone will have this experience.

At least I think so. I mean I was in the middle of a drug interaction from hell and couldn't even drive.

But....my boyfriend thought it was positive and he pretty much impressed the hell out of my therapist.

So let's see....

My boyfriend has known about my ptsd practically from day 1. I will say that we are only about 3.5 months into this relationship. He has been supportive and knows a LOT about inner child work as he's done it himself. (I am focusing on inner child/parts work right now.) He's read everything I've sent him on PTSD. He tries to help me through episodes and doesn't hesitate to set boundaries. It's also important to note that he is an "N" (bold, in size 98 font), in the Myers Briggs personality type, N standing for intuition. And since he's a guy, that pretty much makes him a freaking unicorn. Lol. I mention this as his intuition is spot on, but I know that most men, heck, even most women, aren't as intuitive as he is, so they probably won't pick up on this stuff as readily. (Yeah, his intuition blows me away----).

So my boyfriend had been doing things to help me and it was good that he was able to get feedback from my therapist----someone who has worked with traumatized kids at Shappard-Pratt----and she told him that what he was doing to help me was on target. My therapist was also able to tell him other ways to help me in the moment. She reiterated my 1-5 anxiety and shut out scales, explaining how when I reach a certain level I have an inability to problem solve so communication needs to end.

There was more-----just sharing the highlights.

Oh, and my boyfriend does NOT have permission to talk to my therapist outside of joint sessions. I'm not ruling this out in the future, but for now, no.

We have also agreed to have joint sessions via phone in the future if needed.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that joint sessions can indeed have a very positive outcome. I'm willing to share more if you'd like me to. I just don't want to see what can be a very positive thing-----being ruled out without thorough consideration.

Maybe you aren't ready right now, and that's ok, too. It's possible that a joint session isn't what you need right now. But based on your post, I think a joint session really could help your husband "get it".

 

[Deleted member 37474]

Here is my experience.

I realize that things went extremely well for me, and that not everyone...

I think it would help him to understand better. It just scares me. I think that I have come a far way, though. I feel that having some major setbacks recently has helped him see that ptsd isn't a choice, but a condition.

 

[Friday]

Curious: Are you in the habit of inviting him to things you don't think he'll accept?

Seems like this was more a scare-tactic than an actual invitation, and one that sorta backfired. Like you weren't expecting his response.

Either way, seems like bringing it to the table IN therapy; you invited your husband to come & now are sort of floored by his acceptance & not sure what to do with that or what if means... seems like a good idea.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

Curious: Are you in the habit of inviting him to things you don't think he'll accept?

Seems like this w...

You misunderstand how we communicate entirely. I DO want him to come or I wouldn't have said it. Yes. I didn't expect his response to be 'yes' and honestly I am not sure how serious he was. But I also didn't expect it to make me nervous, but it does. I have decided that I will definitely need a session with him and one alone that week. Months ago a therapist friend of ours said that supporters really kind of need therapy when their spouse has ptsd. When I brought it up to him then, he wasn't interested. 6 months later he is. We are making progress. Doesn't mean this is easy!

 

[Suzetig]

I have a very different view on this one. My therapy is my secure space, I would never invite anyone to be there with me - it's protected time for me to have my needs met by someone who I trust implicitly and who has my best interests at heart. I don't want my husband in that place, I don't want us to have cosy chats about what T has said or not and I don't want him to think my therapy is on any way his space. My husband is very respectful of me and my privacy and listens to what I need at any given time.

If my husband is struggling to understand PTSD, doesn't get my startle response, can't hear me say I need x, y or z or whatever, there are books he can read and resources he can use to gain that information. If he won't hear it from me I'd be pissed off if he was then prepared to hear it from someone else - just listen to me! My T would never do couples work with us anyway, it's unethical given she has a prior relationship with me and knowledge of my husband through what I've said in session. She could never be an impartial presence and so if we did need couples work I'd be going elsewhere.

I know it can work for some people but it wouldn't be an option for me. If you think he's value your Ts view about what you need more than he values your own I'd be questioning the whole relationship.

 

[The Albatross]

My shrink treated me independently, my mister independently (for depression) and we had some sessions together for both. Not sure how I see it as unethical.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@TexCat I think that you need to do whatever you feel comfortable with, and if that include oe excludes the hubs, then it OK,,, This is about you, your journey to healing and if you feel that someone else needs to take the ride with you, then that’s fine, if not that’s ok too.....

 

[Deleted member 37474]

If you think he's value your Ts view about what you need more than he values your own I'd be questioning the whole relationship.

No need to question my relationship. I am not an expert at explaining ptsd. I think that him wanting to come to a session or understand this stuff better is a huge step for him. I honestly think that he is scared. He has now seen what it can really do to me and he is the voice of sanity, reason and logic when I am in a trauma loop about current events. He has my back 100 percent. I think that is why he wants to go.