My husband wants to come to a session.

[EveHarrington]

No need to question my relationship. I am not an expert at explaining ptsd. I think that him wanting t...

Agreed.

I think that as a professional, a therapist has more expertise and can relay messages about trauma and how others can help us in a better way than we can. It's not about the relationship with my partner being inadequate or lacking in any way. I mean-----is it better for someone to get information straight from the expert horses mouth, or to get it through us-----when we don't always know what's best for us, and oftentimes have no clue how to treat this darned disorder?

 

[Suzetig]

The ethical question arises about your T having knowledge of you that you haven't brought into the room. For example you talk to your T about your husbands delresdion and the treatment he's been getting and how stuck he is. Your husband meets her and says he has no idea what's wrong with him, he's never been diagnosed and doesn't believe in mental ill health. Does she challenge your husband about what she knows from you, how would it influence her work with both of you etc. Holding both of those conversations and not breaching anyone's confidentiality or making reference one to the other is a pretty tall ask.

I know that some folk would be ok with it but I really wouldn't be.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

It will be interesting to hear my therapist's opinion on this tomorrow.

 

[Stephernovas]

The ethical question arises about your T having knowledge of you that you haven't brought into the room...

That would be the therapists concern, not the client. Point being the therapist is not there to challenge the spouse. It would be strictly to provide information to help them understand PTSD. The rest is up to the client to share and the therapist be there as support. I think people get stuck on thinking that the therapist is there to challenge whoever walks into the session. Nope. You get information, and that’s it. The spouse is not there for an assessment, and is not a client of theirs, therefore aside from the support the therapist gives their actual client, there isn’t much “work” for them to go in depth with the spouse.

 

[Suzetig]

Sorry I was replying @The Albatross commebt re her T treating her and her partner independently and seeing them as a couple, not taking a spouse to a single session. And of course ethics are for the T to consider, I know my T wouldn't agree to do that for ethical reasons, which helps me feel safe. Other people feel differently, and that's fine but my position on it is ok too.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

Sorry I was replying @The Albatross commebt re her T treating her and her partner ind...

Curious if different countries have different takes on it.

 

[Suzetig]

I think probably different countries and possibly different types of therapy might view it differently too. I do know therapists in the uk that would do it but they tend to be skills based/manualised therapists (CBT/DBT) rather than relational therapists.

 

[Sandstone]

If he won't hear it from me I'd be pissed off if he was then prepared to hear it from someone else - just listen to me!

You are unusually confident in your communication skills. I'd be very concerned that my explanations sounded like blaming. There's also a risk that I'd be selective in what I said, and skip over my blindspots.

Yes, there are books, but many people don't learn well from them. My OH is dyslexic, and it takes him months to plough through a book I'd read in a day or two.

My OH has been to one session, but didn't find it useful, partly I think because none of us had talked in advance about what we wanted to get from it. What was much more useful was a one day training session we found, that went through all the basics. That made me confident that he understood the reality of my condition, and helped him to stop feeling it was his fault he couldn't fix me.

From your opening post @TexCat it sounds as though PTSD is barging in on a perfectly adequate marriage and messing with both of you. If that is so, then I think a dispassionate explanation from a professional who can match their communication style to your husband would be really helpful.

 

[deeplyloved]

Ive been thinking about this thread. What did your therapist say? It occurred to me that I would worry about the impact of a possibly negative experience. I wouldn’t want my husband to leave having a bad feeling and then be worried about my therapy or not have neutral or positive feelings about my therapist. I like the idea of a PTSD training. I’m appreciating you, TexCat, for bringing up this issue in a way I had not yet considered. I will still be mulling this option over for a while and I think that’s valuable. My marriage is important to me and I appreciate anything I can do to make it stronger.

 

[Freida]

Hubby hasn't come to mind (don't wasn't him to) we saw his counselor many years ago when he went thru a bout of depression. It's was kind of couples counseling lite. It was towards the end of his treatment and it was to help us communicate more effectively based on what he had learned. It was very helpful. But the t had some pretty specific explanations about her expectations. I'm assuming that's why it didn't feel like an ethical issue

 

[Deleted member 37474]

Well... I didn't get around to asking my T about this. There was too much we needed to deal with today. I had a really good emdr session and we ended up going over.

Next week will probably be talk therapy where I will be able to bring up this question. Sorry to string everyone along!

 

[bento]

My husband has selective listening. I tried explaining "startle response" to him and why it isn't cool to pound on a locked door when you need something. He looked at me like I'm crazy. I said, "Do you need to come to therapy so that my T can explain ptsd to you?" He said "yes." :bored:

This really jumped out at me (sorry for pun). I don't think that PTSD triggers are rocket science.
i.e. hey this really bothers me, brings up a bad memory and causes me real physical symptoms,
can you please stop?" There are a lot of easy solutions to a locked door--like texting for instance.
Pounding on doors is also one of my triggers, so I really relate to this.

The second aspect of your account, his reaction to your explanation of startle response,
struck me as disrespectful. The very last thing you need coming to terms with PTSD.
And again, the negative repercussions around being treated or labelled crazy for symptoms
or responses related to PTSD isn't anything new or difficult to grasp. There have been
many many articles in the news about vets and how PTSD affects them.

I find it concerning that your husband hasn't. addressed being respectful regarding your startle
reflex around doors being pounded on, but wants to leap ahead to sharing
an even more vulnerable space with you in therapy. If your husband is not yet able to be fully
respectful of your PTSD diagnosis and simple ways he could be of help, the possibility
of a not so subtle shift in your relationship's power dynamic might not be the best way forward.