My New Therapist Terminated Me

[Whyteferret]

Her text states that she thinks that she is hearing me say I do not want to attend a group. I said I w...

That should not have been done by text. She should have met with you and discussed termination, with a plan to what your next steps are.

It sounds like she totally specializes in one style of therapy and doesn't want to provide other services. Perhaps her expectation is you would do those groups and the like because you have another therapist.

I think you have grounds to complain to the state licensing board if you wanted. Even if they can't take action, it shows as a complaint on record. At least on Washington.

She was wrong to do that by text. Simply because best practice is to make sure you are ok with going back to your other therapist and you're not in crisis because of it. Especially right before the weekend.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

I feel for you, how horrible to do that by text. A T terminated me at very short notice two years ago, but in person not by text - it's terrible, I would never be able to go back to a T who done that..

 

[Nighthawk]

The scariest part of this is that the T I have had for 3 years was supporting the moce and was helping me to make the transfer. I feel and think I am going to lose her too. I have a lot of anger and a lot of fear. I was trying. This Bitch that terminated me came on board. There was no intention of all these changes when she did, she was only going to be an addition. I feel like all the work I have done to trust more just got fked how can I possbly ever trust another T

 

[Rumors]

Nighthawk said:
"WHen I was told I couldnt record the learning group I sent a msg saying I DONT THINK THE GROUP IS GOING TO WK FOR ME. This is the text I recieved"
Therapist said:
"Ok I hear you saying group will not work for you WHICH MEANS RO DBT WILL ALSO NOT WORK. SO I wont be able to be your therapist. We can meet Tuesday to terminate or you can cancelthat appointment. Let me know what you want to do"

@Nighthawk I know you are feeling very vulnerable and feeling abandoned. However, I want you to try and reframe this event. Think of it this way, if you go to a oral surgeon to have your wisdom teeth removed and you go in and say "no, I think I just want to have them cleaned" they are going to refer you to a dentist bc all they do is remove them. If this therapist uses this group as an essential part of her therapy program but you have said that you won't go ("I don't think the group is going to wk for me") why would you think it would be good to continue to see her anyway? It's like asking an oral surgeon to clean your teeth.
As well, I can't imagine anyone allowing a recording device into a group. I feel like if you knew going to group would be an issue unless you could record then that should have been presented up front. Or, if going to group was an issue then perhaps this model of therapy wouldn't work period. I know that no way could I be involved in any group at this point in time. Going to a therapist whose intent is to work me into a group bc it fits the model of therapy she uses would be a failure on my part and my responsibility to let them know I can't meet that expectation at this point in time.
I get that this feels like abandonment when you frame it from a negative point of view. It would be hard not to frame it like that, however I urge you to see it as it is. The oral surgeon can't clean your teeth. She offered a service that included group. You wanted to record it and she said you can't do that. You essentially said then it won't work for you. She essentially said that her therapy won't work then so don't waste time pretending that it does and her continue to take money from you.. Don't tak it personally. Go Tuesday tell her that sending that over a text was shitty and move on. If you choose to allow this to effect your other therapeutic relationships then you are allowing the negative part of your brain to win. Frame this just as it is.. She cannot provide you with the help you need bc she only has one skill set and one model. Move on....

 

[Nighthawk]

@Rumors why not tell me that the modality she chose to work in was not going to work when I told her I have major issues with groups in the first place. She originaly was brought on to help me with dreams/ nightmares. I never agreed to work in the modality she chose to move to or at the pace she was asking it to happen. I totally understand the no recording in group thing. But jeez wk with me to find a tool I can try to learn with. She could have pre recorded info from groups for me. If this was a group therapy Id have more understanding. The fact thats its a learning group takes my learning tool away from me.Bottom line as of the day she sent me the text therapy was over with her.

 

[Rumors]

Just take it for what it's worth Nighthawk. You can learn from it or let it defeat you or set you back. The choice is yours. If you choose to allow it to effect the rest of your therapy or not allow another therapist into the team then ultimately you loose out of important healing. I think you absolutely have every right to feel like it was handled wrong, however allowing it to determine your future is wrong for you. Expressing those feelings productively to your team may help bring some closure...

 

[Nighthawk]

Im more concerned about losing the T that I was moving from to go to this therapist that terminated me.I am going to need time to process this. I have trust issues to begin with. I am not trusting much at the moment.

 

[Rumors]

And I'm challenging you to reframe your thinking. Has your other therapist ever given you a reason not to trust him/her? Have you ever thought about focusing on the work and leaving all the other bullshit aside? Because it is just bullshit and noise that gets in our heads then starts driving the bus. Block that out... Go back to the shitty therapist and say "therapeutically speaking, I found your text to be triggering and I feel like you could have handled it differently...moving forward I will know to have better communication of what I can and cannot do so there isn't any misunderstanding of what is expected from either party" THE END! Then, go apply that! Go to your team and tell them group doesn't work for x,y,z reasons and let them help you find resources that will without incorporating something that doesn't work. If they say "you can't heal unless you do group" then I think you say "then we need to focus solely on how to prepare me for group."
This shitty therapists text has NOTHING to do with you as an individual. It has everything to do with her not being able to serve you fully. It isn't personal. You have to keep repeating that phrase to yourself "it isn't about me being bad or wrong or unfixable...I don't fit into this type of therapy program." That is actually awesome that you know that instead of wasting months or years trying to fit into something that won't work for you! Celebrate!!! You know more about yourself today than you knew yesterday and my hope is the biggest thing you realize is that you can and will proceed on regardless. This journey has bumps...
I don't mean to sound bad but everyone here has said "oh, that really sucks and your therapist sucks and this is really bad." (In essense) I am proposing the opposite bc although it does suck it doesn't give you a means to move forward. It only gives you a means to wallow in it. There are times to wallow in things and there are times for action. This is an action time. Wallowing in this only delays your healing. Please know this, my intent is to lift you above your shitty therapist and let you know that there is closure in communicating to her how you feel and having an ending. I know it is hard, but given what you have been through this is easy.... Action, positive cognitive thinking, question your negative thoughts, ask yourself if you are being reactive to a situation... Those are the tools they teach us... Put them to use in this situation. Good luck!

 

[Nighthawk]

I agree with you. And I am fight ing. I think this is the therapist issue

 

[Rumors]

 

[StellaBlue]

I agree with @Rumors - from what you've written, it sounds like this therapist is a DBT therapist and was planning on pretty standard DBT therapy (which includes a DBT group)...which would make it a misunderstanding for both of you on what the intended treatment was. I do find it a little concerning that you've seen her for 8 sessions and it took that long to figure out you had different expectations.

As an aside - I find communicating via text to be difficult - especially with a therapist. There's a pretty high risk for miscommunication, especially when you're feeling even a little bit activated. I would venture to guess (and that's all it is - a guess), that your therapist probably had no idea how a termination after this short period of time would affect you. I'm also guessing she didn't offer a referral because you have another therapist (and apparently a treatment team) and she probably viewed herself as the *solely* DBT provider.

I would recommend going in and having a final visit. At the very least, you'll get to tell her your feelings.

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

I don't really have any advice. I do, however, share your frustrations - my ex-therapist terminated me rather unexpectedly in March. It really, really hurt and is making trust even harder than before.