I am having such a difficult time with my diagnoses of PTSD. I was severely abused as a child and have struggled my entire life with depression, anxiety, alcoholism, fear– but I have also achieved quite a bit. Despite my achievements, I always focus on my failures – I am my harshest critic.
By coincidence or by fate, eight years ago I married a psychotherapist, who specializes in PTSD and Trauma. I stopped drinking and started opening-up about my childhood abuses – she obviously knew I had some type of anxiety disorder – but when I told her that I had been diagnosed with PTSD years before – she flat out disagreed. I started seeing a therapist again four years ago who also diagnosed me with PTSD. When I told my wife – she did a 180 and said “there is no doubt you have PTSD”. I asked her why she said I did not have it, she said “I am not your therapist, I am your wife – you need to figure it out on your own”. In so many words, she said that she listens to clients all day who use their PTSD as a crutch to excuse their own behaviors and she would not put up with it in our home. It is also worth noting that she has anxiety and refuses to see a therapist – basically because she is one thus does not need one. Our marriage is now falling apart – she constantly is setting me up for triggers then telling me that I am “crazy” because I can’t get it together. I really think that she uses her knowledge of PTSD against me because she knows how it works.
I begged her to go into marriage therapy with me to save our marriage (we have two wonderful children now) and she flat out refuses. She told me that our marital issues are 100% my fault and that I am no good for anyone – but she does not want me to leave the house, get a divorce or separate. She said I need to figure it out – I asked her why she would not want to go to therapy to help me if that is the case and she said “it is pretty sad that you need a 3rd party to tell you what I am already telling you is wrong with you – you are just sick in the head”. It is also relevant to note: I have never been violent or threatening – I literally walk on egg-shells around her because I am afraid of what she will say next. I have no-doubt that I have blame in our marital problems – but she has equal blame if not more.
I am just really understanding PTSD and I talked about all this with my therapist today and she said that no-matter who is to blame – if one person is so convinced that the other is 100% to blame, they would run to a therapist to validate it – and to treat it. She thinks what I have also thought for some time: she is so afraid to accept any blame for her own issues that her refusal to go to a therapist – even to go with me to an appointment with my therapist – can only mean that she is afraid about what will come out that would reflect badly on her. My therapist (who normally takes a neutral stance) said that she truly thinks that my wife is “abusing” me – she is intentionally using her knowledge of psychology and the trust I placed in her by telling her about my own past to keep me sick so that she has someone to blame. She also said from an "unbiased professional" that I am far from crazy and that I am a good person who has been through a lot.
I love my children more than anything in this world and I cannot imagine not seeing them every day. I am also concerned about her as a mother – she is harsh – but I don’t think that I can stay anymore – but I am petrified to leave and be on my own. But as she said when I said we should get a divorce “good luck ever seeing the kids – who would a judge believe – a former alcoholic, PTSD patient or a therapist?”
Can anyone offer any advice? I am so painfully confused.
By coincidence or by fate, eight years ago I married a psychotherapist, who specializes in PTSD and Trauma. I stopped drinking and started opening-up about my childhood abuses – she obviously knew I had some type of anxiety disorder – but when I told her that I had been diagnosed with PTSD years before – she flat out disagreed. I started seeing a therapist again four years ago who also diagnosed me with PTSD. When I told my wife – she did a 180 and said “there is no doubt you have PTSD”. I asked her why she said I did not have it, she said “I am not your therapist, I am your wife – you need to figure it out on your own”. In so many words, she said that she listens to clients all day who use their PTSD as a crutch to excuse their own behaviors and she would not put up with it in our home. It is also worth noting that she has anxiety and refuses to see a therapist – basically because she is one thus does not need one. Our marriage is now falling apart – she constantly is setting me up for triggers then telling me that I am “crazy” because I can’t get it together. I really think that she uses her knowledge of PTSD against me because she knows how it works.
I begged her to go into marriage therapy with me to save our marriage (we have two wonderful children now) and she flat out refuses. She told me that our marital issues are 100% my fault and that I am no good for anyone – but she does not want me to leave the house, get a divorce or separate. She said I need to figure it out – I asked her why she would not want to go to therapy to help me if that is the case and she said “it is pretty sad that you need a 3rd party to tell you what I am already telling you is wrong with you – you are just sick in the head”. It is also relevant to note: I have never been violent or threatening – I literally walk on egg-shells around her because I am afraid of what she will say next. I have no-doubt that I have blame in our marital problems – but she has equal blame if not more.
I am just really understanding PTSD and I talked about all this with my therapist today and she said that no-matter who is to blame – if one person is so convinced that the other is 100% to blame, they would run to a therapist to validate it – and to treat it. She thinks what I have also thought for some time: she is so afraid to accept any blame for her own issues that her refusal to go to a therapist – even to go with me to an appointment with my therapist – can only mean that she is afraid about what will come out that would reflect badly on her. My therapist (who normally takes a neutral stance) said that she truly thinks that my wife is “abusing” me – she is intentionally using her knowledge of psychology and the trust I placed in her by telling her about my own past to keep me sick so that she has someone to blame. She also said from an "unbiased professional" that I am far from crazy and that I am a good person who has been through a lot.
I love my children more than anything in this world and I cannot imagine not seeing them every day. I am also concerned about her as a mother – she is harsh – but I don’t think that I can stay anymore – but I am petrified to leave and be on my own. But as she said when I said we should get a divorce “good luck ever seeing the kids – who would a judge believe – a former alcoholic, PTSD patient or a therapist?”
Can anyone offer any advice? I am so painfully confused.
