Relationship Need Help

[rainbow1]

My wife suffers from PTSD

We have been together for 14 months and for the past 6 months it has been a nightmare to be around her.

How were things between you both before you got married?

 

[Chadwick]

How were things between you both before you got married?

They were great before we got married.

 

[rainbow1]

Were you together long before you were married? Perhaps it is the simple act of being married that has made her feel like she is trapped and has sparked off this change. There is nothing anyone can do or say to make your wife want to seek help she has to want that for herself. Sometimes, the only way you realise that things need to change is when its already too late and you've pushed everyone away. I know thats not a very cheerful thought sorry.

 

[Chadwick]

Were you together long before you were married? Perhaps it is the simple act of being married that has...

Thanks for replying. This is her 7th marriage. She married the husband before me twice. She says it is easy to walk away.

 

[hodge]

Chadwick, there is no excuse for the way she's treating you. We've been married for 14 years now. Together for 19. Mt PTSD came on about a year into our marriage and all of a sudden I was picking on my husband for stupid things.I finally went and got counseling or I don't believe the marriage would have survived. I was so full of anger and he was the most available target, unfortunately, though I also took things out on myself. The point is, is that this is her problem and she needs to get help. If she won't, then I recommend that you get some therapy. You deserve a life and a loving wife.

 

[Sweetpea76]

@Chadwick it is perfectly fine to set boundaries with her. In fact you should, because she is running rampant over you.

Boundaries aren't limitations placed on other people or attempts to control their behaviors, they are your personal limits. Boundaries are what you personally will or will not tolerate.

For example, you will not pick up extra shifts for extravagant or wasteful spending. Period. The end. No exceptions. If she wants to be wasteful with money, she can work for it. End of discussion, because that's your boundary. If she still wastes money and expects you to cover everything financially, you will open a new bank account in your name only to deposit your pay, and you will ensure the household bills get paid.

The above isn't mean or unreasonable at all. It is a boundary. You did not have a discussion about her giving away thousands of dollars, her quitting her job, or deciding you were to be the sole bread winner. She shouldn't get her way just because she has PTSD.

 

[Chadwick]

@Chadwick it is perfectly fine to set boundaries with her. In fact you should, bec...

She told me today that she has completely healed from her ptsd and refused to get help. I left this evening with plans not to go back unless she agrees to get help. I hope I can stay strong enough not to go back before she gets help if she will even ever consider it. She tries to make me feel like it is all my fault and i have had enough.

 

[hodge]

Good luck, Chadwick. It's not all your fault. From all you've said, I seriously doubt that she "completely healed from PTSD." In fact, I almost kinda wonder if she might have a personality disorder as well. I understand that can make people really avoid therapy, because they don't want to face that in themselves, and I can't blame them. That is a very hard diagnosis to work on.

 

[The Albatross]

Married 7 times... abusive and controlling... sounds to me like you were manipulated and she thinks she has an ace in the hole since you're a godly man.

She has altered the relationship post marriage. My ex did that as well. I said therapy or I'm out... and he refused treatment or joint therapy so I got out.

I would seek counsel also by your church our church mentored my 2nd husband and I in addition to therapy. In this marriage we've been married 26 years. I am the PTSD "sufferer".

 

[Chadwick]

Married 7 times... abusive and controlling... sounds to me like you were manipulated and she thinks...

It is hard for me to move on and not want to go back into the relationship. How were you able to move forward from your past bad relationship?

 

[Gadgie]

Quote......"She said that she is suprised that we are still together since her pastrelationships have only lasted around 2 months."

I think the writing was on the wall when that was mentioned, you must have some doubtful thoughts at that stage?

Did it give you cause to think about your future together?

 

[Chadwick]

Once that was mentioned it did cause doubt's, but she said i was nothing like the other men from the past so it gave me hope for our relationship. She texted me today and said that she wants me to come back but only if i agree to pay her house and car off. She bought the house and car before we were married.