I guess my point in This very long story . Point and question.
Is I have had plenty of relationships I've never ever seen behavior like this
I don't think your point and question is quite clear, unless it is to express and vent some of your shock at how he behaves? Or are you looking for more of an explanation for why he acted the way he did?
Here are a few observations and possible theories as to why this all played out the way it did. I could be totally off, so take what's helpful and disregard what isn't.
No I did not express that there was really room for conversation. But did ask if he had anything he wanted to say. No.
Comes back even more cold almost Snyde asked again if he really had nothing to say . He said he should have left sooner.
You pulled away from the relationship. You then asked if there was anything he wanted to say. He said no.
You pushed. You didn't take no for an answer.
It's a bit of the push and pulling behavior you have been accusing him of engaging in on other threads.
Even 5 months ago, you were calling him crazy, irrational, unable to be in a relationship, described symptoms at a level where he was barely able to function, and yet you have been staying in it, wanting closeness and connection. You stayed probably hoping he would change, and he didn't. It makes sense you are disappointed and hurt, and that he is the same as he has been.
You have known how he is for a long time. You have known he is very symptomatic and not able or willing to do many things perhaps others can do, like leave his home every day. Yet you demand he be normal all the time... Dealing with a major mental illness like PTSD just doesn't work that way. There are times where things are ok, and other times where they are not.
Your thread title asks for perspective. I'd suggest backing up as much as possible from analyzing what he said in the middle of what was probably a surprising and painful breakup and dealing with abusive family members. If he was inviting you over to stay 4-6 days a week, and then you break up with him - well, it makes sense he is hurting.
His interaction with abusers is a complex issue. Perhaps he struggles in a big way with setting and keeping boundaries with all kinds of people and tries to placate people until he lashes out, overwhelmed. He said no to you, and you pushed it, you pushed for the conversation he said he didn't want to have, and what you got was a different way of setting a boundary - lashing out with you by making dumb, stupid, hurtful comments to push you away. Because saying no to you didn't work. I don't condone his behavior to then make stupid comments, he should have just held whatever boundaries he needed without that. It was stupid and immature, but I can understand it.
He may have huge fears around saying no and not having it respected. He may have engaged his parents because of a trauma reenactment impulse, he may be trauma bonded to them, it may have been a distraction. He may have just really needed to them for reasons you don't understand but are totally legit. There are so many possible explanations. But asking something like "is there anything you want to say?" over and over, when he has already given you an answer and dealing with abusers is somewhat setting up the situation for sparks.
You can't change him or fix him. He is how he is. But you can change you and use this to grow (all humans need to grow in some area.) I think there there is room to explore perhaps using this as an opportunity for you to grow in telling people what you expect more, and inviting others to be open and honest in their communication with their boundaries and desires for the relationship. I think this is a chance for you to grow in learning to understand that when someone stays in a relationship hoping the other person will change, it sets everyone up for heartbreak and resentment.
Yep makes total sense. If we had the Convo. We didn't talk about anything. I asked if he had anything to say.last time I checked grown adults in long term relationships talk about breaking up. Right?
Not always. Sometimes it's unhealthy to do. I also get the sense that you and him have tried to talk it out before, and it didn't really lead to change or resolution of on-going concerns.
Nope. It's not something you need to discuss and reach agreement on. One of you says "I'm out" and means it. After that there is nothing more to say.
Yep, me too. It has nothing to do with PTSD. It just is. I talk about the relationship during it. Someone calls it quits and doesn't leave room for conversation, then I'm out.
It's not okay to not be willing to have a conversation with someone you spent the last year and half with. Ptsd or not he is a grown man and regardless of the outcome I deserve some sort of respect.
You have your way. He has his way. Dating is all about finding if two people can mesh over the long haul. You and him found out you didn't mesh well over the long haul. There was good parts, and those were real. Nothing changes that. The bad just outweighed the good.
He let me leave knowing in my mind I felt like he never cared, which is something I had said I had felt through out the relationship. It was like he took my worst fear in the relationship and confirmed it.
He can only be in his head, not yours. I don't think he was intentionally trying to hurt you, although I can see how it felt that way. You wanted him to be different than he has been, and he just couldn't. It's pretty rare for someone to change how they are when someone else breakups up with them with no hope for repair of the relationship, but I can see why you hoped for it. You clearly did love him and wanted it to work a lot better than it was for a long time.
It just seemed cruel. I don't know if he see's it that way. I don't know what he thinks at all. If he even thinks of It at all.
Do you know why they make so many songs about breakups? Because they HURT. You loved him. He loved you. It fell apart. I don't think there is any explanation in the world that is going to take the pain away. It's going to hurt for awhile. It will get better. :hug:
