Need Some Support

[sun seeker]

Seeing my therapist tomorrow... I mean to bring up crisis planning before we get into anything else. That's what I need to feel safe, a plan that says when things get bad to a certain point, I will do a, b, and c, and if those fail, then I will do x, y, and z. Because I know that in the heat of a crisis, I can't think, and it feels like there is nothing I can do but I have to do something RIGHT NOW.

So, that's the plan. Start by talking about needing a plan, with someone who knows me well and can help me think of something realistic.

It can be hard to articulate just how bad it gets, when not actually in the worst of it. When things are going more or less okay, it's hard to connect with that state of crisis, easy to make plans that wouldn't actually be viable. I think I've integrated enough that I can do that now, though. I would be able to say "No, when it's really bad I wouldn't be able to do that, I need a different contingency plan." And he has worked with me enough to have a good idea of how bad it can get, so I'm counting on two minds working better than one on this.

I'm not really sure of all the factors in this downward spiral over the past several weeks, but I suspect one part of what is stressing me so much is simply feeling like I don't have a way out when in crisis. That can make a relatively minor crisis feel a whole lot bigger. It's like walking on a tightrope. I need a stronger net under me. So that's my plan.

 

[sun seeker]

Something just occurred to me. My therapist and I have an understanding that when things get really bad, I will contact him. Unfortunately, things get really bad so often that I generally hold out until things get really really REALLY bad before calling for help. By that time, it's hard to wait for him to get back to me.

I know he worries about me. I just thought of something though. If he knew I had a plan for emergencies and we both knew what it was, it would take some of the pressure of worrying whether I am all right off of him because he would know that I knew what to do... whether that includes calling him or whatever else we come up with. So me asking for help figuring this stuff out would actually be helping him as well.

I don't know if that's obvious, but it's a new notion for me!

 

[joeylittle]

I don't know if this would be useful for you, @sun seeker - I have a very detailed plan with my therapist.

Part of it involves deciding on how long I should apply a coping skill for, before I call. It changes based on what's going on, and we check in about it at the end of session.

So, if we are right in the middle of some very heavy stuff and I'm just generally activated, it might just be 5 minutes I should give myself to manage it, and if it's not changing at all, then I am to call. Other times, it's try for 15, or 30.

I also have a go-to list of things to do, in order, as crisis management things. They are the ones that stand the best chance of working, and I have gotten pretty good at going to them right away. There's one set for if I'm awake, and another for if I am woken up by something (nightmare, noise, whatever).

It takes a little practice, but putting all that structure in place has helped a great deal. Because, like you, if I don't have a plan, it gets so much worse.

My therapist is also good at reminding me that he'd rather me call early, when a crisis is starting, then 2 hours in, when I'm nearly off the rails. It's just simpler to deal with when its interrupted early, which is just true.

 

[Hi99o]

I am suffering terribly the past few weeks and now especially. Therapy yesterday was way too intens...

Recently I experienced a traumatic event and i play the role like im fine. But inside im hurting. Hug your way.

 

[sun seeker]

Well, we didn't get too far into coping strategies, but did come up with a plan to get me to the hospital in case of emergency. My therapist has a good friend who he says would be discreet, so the plan is if I get to the point of needing to go to the hospital, I can ask this guy to drive me there. That feels like a bit of a relief, anyway, to have that much planned for if it gets to an unbearable level again. We talked about a few other things to arrange to increase my sense of safety.

We spent the rest of the session on a lot of other things, so that's as far as we got in terms of planning. It was good though. Feels like there is at least some sort of net under me to catch me if I fall off the tightrope. Next time I want to bring up strategies to keep it from getting that bad in the first place, but the thing is with trauma as intense and complicated as this, sometimes it gets triggered from 0 to 60 in very little time. To some degree, there will probably keep on being emergencies until the trauma is resolved. And I wonder whether keeping that in mind might help. Whether in the thick of it I would be able to tell myself "this is another reaction, to be expected, and it will pass." I think that would get through to me on some level, but I'd still need strategies to cope with the reactivation on a physical and emotional level. I've found that before a certain level of activation, I can reason with myself, tell myself I'm triggered and what I'm feeling isn't really happening. Past that level is where there is a serious problem. I think this needs to be an ongoing topic of discussion.

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear @sun seeker (((((((((sun seeker))))))))

I am so glad. :hug: :hug:

I would like to come back & add something to the above when I can, if ok?

Xoxoxoxox :hug:

 

[sun seeker]

@Junebug, of course, anytime. Thank you for all your support. Same to everyone else who posted. It helped me through a very difficult week. :hug:

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear @sun seeker , all of this is really huge, so I hope (wish) you will give yourself credit for it (which I don't think you would do without maybe pointing it out & really 'allowing yourself' to be proud of your recover(ing), & planning & discussing.

We talked about a few other things to arrange to increase my sense of safety.

I think this is a big factor, along with:

the thing is with trauma as intense and complicated as this, sometimes it gets triggered from 0 to 60 in very little time. To some degree, there will probably keep on being emergencies until the trauma is resolved. And I wonder whether keeping that in mind might help. Whether in the thick of it I would be able to tell myself "this is another reaction, to be expected, and it will pass." I think that would get through to me on some

I think that (JMHExperience) 0-60 has less to do with- or rather responds less, at those times- to attempts at emotional regulation because it is a different animal. Possibly a FB, definitely flooding; the emotionl fallout & unbearbility ctually reflects the extreme pain & unbearable 'facts' (in our minds). If we are in that state we're not even getting sufficient blood supply to the brain in the areas we would need for complex (or simple) higher cognitive functions. I would write it down & put it on the fridge or elsewhere, somewhere you can see it without having to remember to look for it, which you likely won't. (In my case I'd write it on my arm. :) :rolleyes: )

Can you (gently) look back & identify triggers? Because I think (at least for me) that's the key. Identifying, then reducing, the power of the trigger(s).

I hope this is making sense.. it sounds deceptively simple (it isn't). It's sort of like, being flooded, but one part of our mind or heart won't acknowledge the history of 'why'.

:hug: :hug: :hug:

More candles later. :) ;)

 

[sun seeker]

0-60 has less to do with- or rather responds less, at those times- to attempts at emotional regulation becuse it is a different animal.

Hmm. This is interesting. Thank you for your input, I hadn't been able to identify it like this. So emotional regulation has its place but not when badly triggered. Makes sense. I've just known there are some states I can get myself out of through resourcing or grounding, and some where I can't. My therapist knows this, but we haven't spent much time strategizing on how to handle those situations where I am too activated to use my techniques. After today, I think I'd like to spend more time on that in therapy. The work we are doing has been focused more on resolving the traumas that are causing my symptoms, but we could be doing more on how to cope with life in the meantime. Just having talked through a plan for getting to the hospital if I need to, I already feel a little bit safer.

Possibly a FB, definitely flooding; the emotionl fallout & unbearbility ctually reflects the extreme pain & unbearable 'facts' (in our minds)

My therapist is really good at recognizing this state if it comes up in a session, and leaving logic aside to talk to the brainstem. I am less able to do this for myself. Yet.

I would write it down & put it on the fridge or elsewhere, somewhere you can see it without having to remember to look for it, which you likely won't.

I have written lists of coping strategies like this, but there is still the problem that they only work up to a certain point. When I am triggered out of my mind, I have yet to find a good strategy for bringing myself back.

Can you (gently) look back & identify triggers?

Oh yes. I have a few categories of trauma that most of my triggers fit into. All of them have been triggered at once over the past few weeks. It was just too much and it blew my circuits.

More candles later.

Thank you. You are so kind, it warms my heart. :hug::):happy:

 

[Tinyflame]

You're a sweetheart @sun seeker . :hug:

I willl think more on it too & get back. Must leave by 8pm. Thank you for helping me too. :hug: :inlove:

 

[sun seeker]

It's sort of like, being flooded, but one part of our mind or heart won't acknowledge the history of 'why'.

Rereading this, I'd love to hear more detail on what you mean here. This looks like an important point but I'm not sure if I'm getting it.

 

[Tinyflame]

Hi @sun seeker . This sort of touches on it:

I have a few categories of trauma that most of my triggers fit into. All of them have been triggered at once over the past few weeks. It was just too much and it blew my circuits.

I know this is correct, but I have found what results in the circuits epically blowing is being triggered in an area I couldn't really identify/ realize/ admit to yet (on top of the rest), something I haven't even considered. Perhaps complicated (or fueled-?) by the belief system behind it.

For example, once that happened at Halloween. I realized later it was because of children, but at the time I wasn't considering my childhood of relevance whatsoever to the trauma/ situation I was focused on. (It's not that I didn't know about my childhood, but...)