Relationship Never Dealt With Ptsd, Among Other Mental Illness's In A Relationship

[Sighs]

I only abuse him because he upsets me

You need to take responsibility for your own actions. You cannot blame him for your bad behavior. Why can't you walk away until you calm down? This will not change and the relationship will not improve until you stop trying to make YOUR actions HIS fault.

 

[nataly87]

I know my actions are my doing and my fault, but he upsets me so I am going to act upset if I am upset. If he would just come through for me instead of constant disappointing me, I wouldn't be upset all the time.

 

[Ronin]

so I am going to act upset if I am upset.

No.
You upset yourself.
You, and you solely, are responsible for all of your reactions.

 

[EveHarrington]

Are you in therapy?

I'm having flashes to my past. "I would be happy if only you _______". Thing is, can't ever make the person happy. The item in the blank is constantly changing.

 

[Sighs]

I am going to act upset if I am upset

What do you do when you "act upset"? Do you scream, cry, throw things, smash stuff, hit people? Or eat chocolate, drink alcohol, take a hot bath, watch crap TV?

Everyone is entitled to their feelings. But some actions are acceptable and others are not.

And you are still blaming him for upsetting you.

 

[Fadeaway]

"I hit her because she made me mad." "I raped her because she was a tease." what you are doing? Same difference. Blaming the victim? WTF!

I know my actions are my doing and my fault, but he upsets me so I am going to act upset if I am upset. If he would just come through for me instead of constant disappointing me, I wouldn't be upset all the time.

What the f*ck, I mean seriously what the f*ck. Seek therapy for yourself, and leave him be. You already know you are the problem so stop traumatizing him more than he already has been and let him heal in peace.

 

[joeylittle]

Yes I do yell at him and put him down. Because it's something that is hard to change. I am trying my best to change and yet the change is not happening. No matter how many times I say sorry or say I will change, the same cycle keeps on happening.

You need to get some help with this, probably with a therapist. And it might be better for you and he to take a little break so you can both get better on your own issues. You're smart to recognize it's a cycle - it will need to be broken so that it can re-start.

 

[Casey_03]

Could you maybe give a recent example of something he did to upset you, and how you abused him in response? I'm wondering if maybe we aren't understanding the situation clearly due to the vague descriptions you give - being abusive and "acting upset." What exactly do you do to him that is abusive? And how do you respond when you "act upset?" If you just say "I act abusive" we will all assume you mean it exactly how we understand it -- being intentionally and unnecessarily cruel and trying to break him down.

 

[Purplemunchkin]

If he would just come through for me instead of constant disappointing me, I wouldn't be upset all the time.

We are the supporters. It is our role to support. We need to understand that our loved ones with PTSD may not be able to "come through for me" as they have their own things to deal with. I know it's not easy. There are times when being able to lean on hubby would have made so much difference in my life. But that's my issue to deal with, not his.

If it upsets you that you feel he is constantly disappointing you, imagine how he feels to be made responsible for all of that disappointment. Even though it may be your expectations that need adjusting.

Sorry, but I don't think this relationship sounds healthy for either of you.

 

[Mallaky]

Troll alarm? Troll alarm.

he upsets me so I am going to act upset if I am upset.

 

[Ronin]

Troll alarm.

Very ringing & very to the point observation.

 

[The Albatross]

I dunno... reads more like emotional low frustration tolerance, or immaturity to me. Since when do we call people "trolls"?

Agree with what Purple Munchkin said, and also Sighs... the mentality is victim blaming to avoid accepting her part in the dynamic - but on the flip side, if the/her boyfriend's already had one abusive girlfriend and Nataly87 is the second... then he's setting himself up/retraumatizing and/or re-enacting his schema by being drawn and emotionally enmeshed with abusers.