dont know where to start but here goes. i have been home from combat for nearly 3 years. ive a few different medications and just getting ready to start a different one. the meds make me have aweful stomach pain and i hate the side affects. i manage to hold a full time job (barely). ive kicked doors off of hinges, threw shit, torn up stuff, cussed at my boss. i cant understand why im not fired or even written up at work. maybe they just like me, who knows. when i get off of work i come home and just sit around. i have completed range cards for the peremiter around my house. im hypervigilent and i go nowhere unarmed. i used to enjoy fishing and hunting but not my favorite pastime is shooting birds off of the feeder cause i dont have to leave the house to do it. i burst with anger at the slightest provocation and have broken appliances, stuff in the house, my truck ect ect. if someone comes down my driveway(its a very long driveway) that i dont know they are met with a gun, at night with a spotlight. my dogs are well trained to wake me in the event that there is someone around. i have been on vacation for a week now and i havent left the house except to go to the mailbox out front and i went to the gas station once. this is normal, im laid off from working in the winter and for 3-4 months all i do is sit in the house(my fortress). the computer is how i communicate with the world outside. sorry for the rambling on, and the lack of puncuation, it took alot just for me to type this much.
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New Here, Old Problems
- Post starter skeryfast
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OK mate. All of the above is understood. I was exactly the same a few years ago. It will get better. There's a lot you can do to push through this and learn new tactics, the important thing is not to try too much at once. Getting here is a big and positive step. There's a lot of people on this site with a lot of experience and some really good learned techniques.
Have a good look around, Anthony's articles are really good int.
(Did the range card bit myself, by the way).
Oh yes, and welcome.
Have a good look around, Anthony's articles are really good int.
(Did the range card bit myself, by the way).
Oh yes, and welcome.
Zipperhead
Diamond Member
Welcome, pull up a sand bag.
Welcome mate, everything you are doing is normal, you just have to break that routine. It sounds hard but it can be done. Baby steps though. You can't expect to be able to get everything addressed at once.
Start of by going down to the local mall and just do a walk through. The next time do a walk through and get a coffee and then the next stop and sit on a seat and drink the coffee, then walk through, etc, etc.
Its all about desensitizing yourself and why you stay in your 'Fort'. It's a safe place.
As for anger, well you have said you have been on meds, but have you had therapy??? Therapists will give you ways to tackle the out of control anger. You just have to find the right therapist, just like finding the right medication.
Nothing with PTSD is easy my friend. It's debilitating and can really get you down if you don't tack it right.
Good luck bud.
Start of by going down to the local mall and just do a walk through. The next time do a walk through and get a coffee and then the next stop and sit on a seat and drink the coffee, then walk through, etc, etc.
Its all about desensitizing yourself and why you stay in your 'Fort'. It's a safe place.
As for anger, well you have said you have been on meds, but have you had therapy??? Therapists will give you ways to tackle the out of control anger. You just have to find the right therapist, just like finding the right medication.
Nothing with PTSD is easy my friend. It's debilitating and can really get you down if you don't tack it right.
Good luck bud.
- Post starter
- #5
Skery, I have had PTSD since I returned from East Timor in 2002, well that's what the experts say. I still managed to serve another six years including a trip to Iraq. It was easy for me as it was all anger based. I was a SGT then a Warrant Officer and they are always angry people. After 2006 though things changed. I used to go shopping at 6 am to beat any crowds at all. And still today I hate rush hour. I curse and swear, but its not as bad anymore.
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- #7
theres times that i think i need to be back over there, that i want to be back over there. theres something about being with your buddies in a situation like that that you just dont find at home. when i got home i had to get out, i pissed alot of people off to include the family support group. they think that they know everything that goes on and our command flat out lied to them about several things. i would not stand for my family to be lied too and its bullshit that my family seemed to know more about what was going on than we did. also, if the american people knew half of what i know about things that went on over there, why their loved ones died and the circumstances leading up to their deaths they would flip out. shit gets swept under the rug when people dont do their jobs and soldiers die because of it. i hope this is a secure area to vent.... i just need a mission or something, everything here sucks. if i could just go out one more time with my team...... blah blah. im going to do that mall thing tomorrow jimmy lol. i do the 2am trip to wal mart if my wife cannot get to the store for whatever reason. when i have to do the shopping i go to the quickie mart where i can park right by the door. in and out, yeah, it costs alot more but its a small price to pay for security i guess. thanks for the tips jimmy, i like this much better that sitting in front of my psychotherapist. thanks to zipperhead and ned as well!
As Jimmy has said before, it's normal to want to be back. You knew your job, others around you acted in predictable ways to which you were thoroughly familiar. I know the feeling well. It was that way when I got home in 69'. Blaring lights, strange noises, people saying or doing very unpredictable things. You are "out of sync". I acted out and was damn lucky I didn't wind up in prison.
Try to simplify your life as much as possible right now. Concentrate on you. Try as best you can to forget (for now) who did what to who, when, how, ect. I know the feeling, I was bitter as hell when I came back and then at how we were treated when we got home. But to get on with my life, I had to overcome that bitterness and start concentrating on what really mattered.
Also, therapy really helps. And I can't speak highly enough of the Vet Centers. If you have one close, go! The therapists are combat Vets and know where you're coming from.
Lastly, come here and vent...you ain't gonna hurt anyone's feelings here.
Sarg
Try to simplify your life as much as possible right now. Concentrate on you. Try as best you can to forget (for now) who did what to who, when, how, ect. I know the feeling, I was bitter as hell when I came back and then at how we were treated when we got home. But to get on with my life, I had to overcome that bitterness and start concentrating on what really mattered.
Also, therapy really helps. And I can't speak highly enough of the Vet Centers. If you have one close, go! The therapists are combat Vets and know where you're coming from.
Lastly, come here and vent...you ain't gonna hurt anyone's feelings here.
Sarg
- Post starter
- #9
i go to the va, they are suggesting going to group therapy. ive thought of going but i really dont know what to expect out of it all. the main reason i think i dont go is that there is probably more vets there that have seen and experienced more than i have and i dont want to feel like i am the whiney little b of the room. also, if there are nam vets there or ww vets, they are the ones that truely had it rough. i have the utmost respect for those warriors and what they went thru, and what they came home too. ive never been the type to "open up" about anything but something has got to give. i think im going to give it a go sarg. time to man up and if i feel like it dosent help i dont have to go back i guess. thanks for the advise sarg.
Lee C
Platinum Member
Not highjacking your thread mate but i agree about WW2, Falklands,Aiden, Nam etc.
My grandad lost his left arm and part of his shoulder but rescuing his mate in a Counter Bombardment ( Never talked about the War at all, makes sense now.)
My old man was Merchant Navy and during his service he supplied the Americans with oil mainly during Nam (Again never talked about it until i found slides and an old machine at my parents which had slides of the Americans naplaming the shore so they can dock).
I did Falklands back in 94 on Ex and my role was Arty Op Ack. I walked some of the area they covered , did battlegroup attacks etc, -26 at the time. They had shit kit aswell, coldest i have ever been, not for this call sign
I have done a few Ops myself my last one ending with me losing a part of my body(Not as much as my grandad, family tradition i think as my old man lost part of his foot at work)
Ive had it ruff in times and made life changing decisions, been promoted and demoted on a few occasions(Growing up:oops: ) that was easy compared to the shit going on in my head. My friend of mine rang today and didnt even realsie how messed up i was as i had learnt to mask the illness( Over 5 years,that is until i snapped and have a dozen squaddies trying to square me away!
Im waffling now mate, by the way hello;)
My grandad lost his left arm and part of his shoulder but rescuing his mate in a Counter Bombardment ( Never talked about the War at all, makes sense now.)
My old man was Merchant Navy and during his service he supplied the Americans with oil mainly during Nam (Again never talked about it until i found slides and an old machine at my parents which had slides of the Americans naplaming the shore so they can dock).
I did Falklands back in 94 on Ex and my role was Arty Op Ack. I walked some of the area they covered , did battlegroup attacks etc, -26 at the time. They had shit kit aswell, coldest i have ever been, not for this call sign
I have done a few Ops myself my last one ending with me losing a part of my body(Not as much as my grandad, family tradition i think as my old man lost part of his foot at work)
Ive had it ruff in times and made life changing decisions, been promoted and demoted on a few occasions(Growing up:oops: ) that was easy compared to the shit going on in my head. My friend of mine rang today and didnt even realsie how messed up i was as i had learnt to mask the illness( Over 5 years,that is until i snapped and have a dozen squaddies trying to square me away!
Im waffling now mate, by the way hello;)
Skery,
You don't have to say a word in group. Just say "pass" when they come around to you. As far as "measuring up" to us old Nam farts, if you've seen enough to be on this board, you have nothing to be ashamed of. War is war and there ain't no thermostadts in the hell we're in.
I was reserved when I first went. Then I told my therapist I didn't want to go back. He convinced me to try it again. That group of old, worn Nam Vets turned out to be more close to me than my own blood brother. There's nothing I wouldn't do for those guys. I haven't seen any of them for two years and it's like being away from my family.
Give it a try, what's to lose?
Sarg
You don't have to say a word in group. Just say "pass" when they come around to you. As far as "measuring up" to us old Nam farts, if you've seen enough to be on this board, you have nothing to be ashamed of. War is war and there ain't no thermostadts in the hell we're in.
I was reserved when I first went. Then I told my therapist I didn't want to go back. He convinced me to try it again. That group of old, worn Nam Vets turned out to be more close to me than my own blood brother. There's nothing I wouldn't do for those guys. I haven't seen any of them for two years and it's like being away from my family.
Give it a try, what's to lose?
Sarg
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