pinkroseacct
New Here
Hi Everyone,
I have seen multiple social workers over the past five years, and am unsure if I have PTSD or not.
Starting in elementary school and going through high school, I was emotionally bullied for years. I rarely have flashbacks of those days.
My first boyfriend locked me in our bedroom, sexually abused me, and punched me in the stomach causing a miscarriage. I am terrified to run into him, and got flashbacks seeing a character on a tv show that looked exactly like him.
I had a great job out of college, but became very depressed from a lack of friends. I have always had a very hard time making and keeping friends - it seems that I destroy every friendship. There was some workplace stress as well, and I did a no call no show one day, and stayed home taking hydrocodone's and contemplating suicide. I was put on three months of workers comp for that, and left soon after.
Most recently, I was working for a company where I had awful managers. After a while, I was put on a 90 day disciplinary plan, where I was required to see EAP and to improve my behavior at work. Some examples are that I disagreed with a manager on a personnel issue, and said that I "respectfully disagreed" in an email - I was told that I didn't have the right to respectfully disagree. I asked for clarification from HR on some of the items on the plan, and was told in the next meeting that essentially "it was all (my) fault" and "(I) was the only one in the wrong." I would go home at night and think about killing myself, and didn't care what it did to my family or fiance (now husband). I quit without notice, and am constantly having flashbacks where I think "I should have pitched a fit. I should have yelled at my manager more, told her what I really thought of her." These flashbacks cause me to have insomnia, sweat, shake, lots of heartburn, etc.
I am now back in college to get my career back on track, and am terrified of job interviews coming up, where I will need to explain why I can't get a reference for my last job, and why and how I left. I am terrified that I will never be good enough for anyone, and will never have any friends.
Can anyone help me?
I have seen multiple social workers over the past five years, and am unsure if I have PTSD or not.
Starting in elementary school and going through high school, I was emotionally bullied for years. I rarely have flashbacks of those days.
My first boyfriend locked me in our bedroom, sexually abused me, and punched me in the stomach causing a miscarriage. I am terrified to run into him, and got flashbacks seeing a character on a tv show that looked exactly like him.
I had a great job out of college, but became very depressed from a lack of friends. I have always had a very hard time making and keeping friends - it seems that I destroy every friendship. There was some workplace stress as well, and I did a no call no show one day, and stayed home taking hydrocodone's and contemplating suicide. I was put on three months of workers comp for that, and left soon after.
Most recently, I was working for a company where I had awful managers. After a while, I was put on a 90 day disciplinary plan, where I was required to see EAP and to improve my behavior at work. Some examples are that I disagreed with a manager on a personnel issue, and said that I "respectfully disagreed" in an email - I was told that I didn't have the right to respectfully disagree. I asked for clarification from HR on some of the items on the plan, and was told in the next meeting that essentially "it was all (my) fault" and "(I) was the only one in the wrong." I would go home at night and think about killing myself, and didn't care what it did to my family or fiance (now husband). I quit without notice, and am constantly having flashbacks where I think "I should have pitched a fit. I should have yelled at my manager more, told her what I really thought of her." These flashbacks cause me to have insomnia, sweat, shake, lots of heartburn, etc.
I am now back in college to get my career back on track, and am terrified of job interviews coming up, where I will need to explain why I can't get a reference for my last job, and why and how I left. I am terrified that I will never be good enough for anyone, and will never have any friends.
Can anyone help me?
