Hi. I was recently diagnosed with PTSD after my first session in therapy.
I was sexually abused as a child for 6 years, and I have only opened up about it to a handful of people. It was never reported, because I only disclosed the information decades after the abuse. There were a few moments in my life where I have struggled with depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts. I attempted to take my life when I was 14, and went to therapy for a brief time. After my first therapist left my area, I decided to cease therapy and tried to deal with my issues on my own. I had my difficulties in trying to reach a safe mental space, but eventually I was able to cope and bury things through distractions.
I lived my adult life without thinking about it, and hid a lot of my pain through success and accomplishments. Some days were good, and some where bad. But I tried my best to maintain stability.
After decades of this, a recent incident triggered an onset of traumatic memories that I spent most of my life burying and avoiding. I thought that I was okay, since I seemed to live my life as normal as possible. However, my mental health started to plummet when I started to feel myself reliving those memories again. I started to feel hopeless as the pain became unbearable, and I just wanted it to end. My mind started to entertain the idea of suicide, and I started to plan it. That’s when I reached for my phone and contacted my local crisis center for help. After my first session, my therapist told me that I have PTSD. I was in disbelief and didn’t know how to process it. How can I have it even decades after the abuse?
When I’m not consumed with thoughts about the trauma, my days are good and I feel like maybe I don’t have PTSD. When days are bad, they are really bad.
Was it always there, and I just never recognized it? I’m here because I want to get a better understanding of it and for support. Right now, I’m okay but I know my next session will be hard to cope again.
I was sexually abused as a child for 6 years, and I have only opened up about it to a handful of people. It was never reported, because I only disclosed the information decades after the abuse. There were a few moments in my life where I have struggled with depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts. I attempted to take my life when I was 14, and went to therapy for a brief time. After my first therapist left my area, I decided to cease therapy and tried to deal with my issues on my own. I had my difficulties in trying to reach a safe mental space, but eventually I was able to cope and bury things through distractions.
I lived my adult life without thinking about it, and hid a lot of my pain through success and accomplishments. Some days were good, and some where bad. But I tried my best to maintain stability.
After decades of this, a recent incident triggered an onset of traumatic memories that I spent most of my life burying and avoiding. I thought that I was okay, since I seemed to live my life as normal as possible. However, my mental health started to plummet when I started to feel myself reliving those memories again. I started to feel hopeless as the pain became unbearable, and I just wanted it to end. My mind started to entertain the idea of suicide, and I started to plan it. That’s when I reached for my phone and contacted my local crisis center for help. After my first session, my therapist told me that I have PTSD. I was in disbelief and didn’t know how to process it. How can I have it even decades after the abuse?
When I’m not consumed with thoughts about the trauma, my days are good and I feel like maybe I don’t have PTSD. When days are bad, they are really bad.
Was it always there, and I just never recognized it? I’m here because I want to get a better understanding of it and for support. Right now, I’m okay but I know my next session will be hard to cope again.
