@Frieda, @Florian7051 thank you for your well-penned emails. It really hit the nail on the head about how much we can best support each other, be real with ourselves AND with others. We vets simply must stick together because that's the only way we're going to effectively reduce that 22 to 21 or better. I am so grateful to have you on board---and be there for you too---because when it's dark, it's really dark. Florian's initial email really opened my eyes to how significantly he was impacted when he said "I guess I feel like I failed him." Omg,....then you immediately reached out to me. Fall down six times, stand up seven. Years ago, I tried making a call list every month to leave a message on vet's answering machine just to say hello but I got out of the habit and had isolated too much to continue to do so. One vet did tell me that it helped her a lot just to know that occasionally my voice was on her answering machine, checking in to show that someone out there cared. I wonder how to create that again? On a dark but humorous note, when I get into the worst of it, I sit in my meditation room and have decreed that nobody to my knowledge ever harms themselves while in a meditation room. (Please leave me with this surreal belief because it because it makes me laugh even at the worst of it.) Wouldn't that be an abject Unsat on a Sitrep? Yeah,...my thoughts too. Thanks to all for the candor, clarity and support.