Normal In Ptsd Or Not? Healthy Or Not?

[Letmebehealedbyfaith]

My father committed suicide when I was 9 years old and I found him afterwards. For a little while after I saw that graphic vision every time I closed my eyes but shortly after it became hidden somewhere within my mind. To this day all I remember are the events of that day up to the point of reaching the top of the stairs to his room where I found him and then I go blank. Is this healthy? Should I remember? I have always considered it a blessing that I didn't but recently I have had some thoughts appear such as remembering my mom getting to our house as they we're carrying his covered up body out on a stretcher.

 

[Deleted member 19804]

I wouldn't say it's healthy or unhealthy not to remember parts of your trauma - it's just a very common thing for people who have PTSD. That is just how your brain tries to cope with the traumatic event.

Suddenly remembering parts is also quite common I think. I don't know if that includes suddenly recovering memories, but I believe that most of us with PTSD have had intrusive memories of their trauma(s) on several occasions.

Perhaps if you want to do a treatment based on reprocessing what happened (such as EMDR), it would be useful to work on remembering all parts so that you can reprocess the whole trauma. However, I am no expert on this matter, so it would be wise to talk to a therapist who knows EMDR if you want to know more about this.

Welcome to the forum! :hug:s if you're okay with them

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Its very common to not remember certain parts of your trauma.

If you think about it, nobody every remembers every moment of any event in their life, right? Why should trauma be any different?

 

[Tinyflame]

I think I get this @Letmebehealedbyfaith , but I didn't know what to respond. It's not being able to recall it, when you could recall it completely before. I can only guess (just by my experience) that it's state-dependent, & I don't often experience necessarily the degree of the same states. However, for example, if something is very horrifying, I may recall it easily, or terrifying, or what-have-you. Then I can remember clearly. It has helped me 'know' (learn ) what I guess I was feeling at the time (just like a FB).

I did have a first-ever yesterday though, I could 'see' (remember clearly) a childhood kid's pool from around 2 years old- dark blue, with a slide, but I could clearly see an octopus & starfish bubble-pattern on the bottom. I think it was a combination of the sun, heat, how I guess I felt. (I mean unlike the others it wasn't a bad memory or traumatic one).

I am so sorry for what you went through. :( Welcome to you.

 

[Kefira]

It's common from what I've heard and my own experience. I'm not sure that it's healthy vs unhealthy, but it does make sense. Your brain won't remember things that don't seem to be needed until something makes you remember them later. That's fairly common for everyone. When trauma happens, sometimes it's a survival mechanism that makes you forget parts of the trauma.

I've been told that as you process and when you're ready sometimes things will come back. That matches my own experience, but I can't speak for anyone else.

 

[Changing4Best]

I completely blocked out all my trauma until I was in my mid 30s. Then one instance of it was uncovered in a therapy session (not EMDR, but CBT). Shortly after that point, my therapist left that practice to join one in a hospital. I had no therapy after that time, and so memories started to surface here and there.

When I joined this site and found out about our trauma diaries, I wrote mine and a lot more of it all came to the surface of my mind. This was very helpful to me, as it seemed to explain a lot of my life to me.