Not Ready? Need to begin talking about what happened to me, but cancel appointments or talk about pointless things in therapy.

[Syd.vicious]

I feel as if I am hitting a wall in T. I have canceled numerous appointments in the past couple of months as well as just not wanting to go. I'm pretty sure because I know what I need to do next and I just do not want to. I need to begin actually talking about the things that happened to me as a child not just that things happened to me. I have made decent progress but I have also just opened a larger wound. I know its not going to heal without me talking and I just do not know what to do. The night before every T appointment I get so anxious to the point of panic attacks and just in my head so much. So then I cancel them or go and talk about pointless things that do me no good. I need to get past this but it like I have built a mental wall that I cannot overcome no matter how hard I try.

 

[whiteraven]

The night before every T appointment I get so anxious to the point of panic attacks and just in my head so much. So then I cancel them or go and talk about pointless things that do me no good.

Yeah, this sounds very familiar to me. Have you talked to your T about this specifically? S/he may have some ideas for how to navigate the stuff you need to talk about a little easier.

I had a T that I was really making progress with, but I still could not talk about the really hard stuff. I finally told him, at one point, to push me if I avoided stuff. He did, and that was really helpful. Of course, I don't think that is the answer for everyone, but it helped me. I'm back in that same position now - being pushed helps, but I am more reluctant to talk than I have been in the past. I think because it makes me nonfunctional. So we work on symptoms and other stuff.

 

[Sues]

I'm actually in the same situation right now. I'm doing EMDR and I've put off all of the most horrible memories, and now it's time to tackle those. I keep trying to avoid them, but my therapist sat down with me this week and we talked about me needing to do it. We figured out that I am scared of feeling the feelings and emotions. I was never allowed to do that, and now I hide everything. It terrifies me to think I might show emotion in the therapy room, or even worse, cry.

I agree that you should talk to your therapist about this specifically. My talk with mine was very helpful. I know it will be hard. The hardest thing to do, but I also know I need to do it, and I can take breaks if I need to.

 

[Survivor3]

It's not easy to talk about the hard stuff but for me once I did it was like a heavy weight came off me. Maybe you can talk to your T about this problem?