seekinghelpfromhell
New Here
Short story long, I am a boss in an organization that maintains unionized, or contractual employees. It is very hard to fire people in this situation and they know it (think tenured teachers), and this emboldens them to behave badly at times.
Months ago, I was asked by the HR dept to deal with one of my employees (let's call him E1) about not fulfilling some of his responsibilities and also for behaving in an unprofessional and intimidating manner to other employees. The complaint came from someone else holding my same position in another department (let's call her B1). B1's husband also works at the same place, in my department, let's call him E2. He had nothing to do with any of the issues.
I called E1 into a meeting with witnesses and very straight forwardly told him his behavior was unprofessional and should not be seen again. I followed up that conversation with an email summarizing the conversation. These conversations and situations are hard for me to deal with because I have cPTSD. But, I am not out at my work for fear of retribution or that they would be looking for ways to remove me from my position. So, I do what they ask as I take a lot of medication to help me through the rough patches. E1 did not accept the conversation and argued that the follow up email was not correct (even though the witnesses there agreed with me). I reminded E1 that this was very important that he understand his responsibilities and what type of behavior is considered professional in the workplace.
Months go by and I hear nothing more until my boss (let's call her B2) and I get called into my boss's boss's office (let's call her B3) asking us about this situation. We explained the whole story, why we had the conversation, and that the original complaints had come from B1. B3 investigated with everyone, told us we did everything right, and responded to E1 that we had done our jobs correctly (B3 became aware of the situation because E1 had gone to complain about B2 and I over the situation - months later, never letting the situation go). Now, at this point, my GAD and PTSD are kicking in, but I just let it go since it seemed like I had upper management support.
Finally, on Thursday of this last week, I am notified by B2 (my boss) that E1 had made threats to E2 (remember he is B1's husband), saying his wife, me, B2, and B3 were out to get him fired, and that if B2 and I were not women he would go to our offices and "beat the shit" out of us. This conversation took place on Tuesday. B1 (the wife) and B3 were made aware of it Tuesday night. B2 (my boss) was made aware of it on Wednesday. I wasn't made aware of it until Thursday. In the meantime, I had been interacting with E1 all week long, not knowing these threats had been made. As soon as the threats had been made known to me, I went into full PTSD mode - panicking and worrying about this angry, unstable individual, still obsessing over being rightfully reminded about his workplace behavior months and months ago. I wanted to know what was going to be done about this issue, because I could feel my anxiety going through the roof. I did not feel my employer was making any attempt to keep me safe other than to tell me (days after the occurrence) that it happened. So, on Friday I pulled the policies about workplace violence, which clearly seemed more geared to protect the alleged perpetrator who either committed violent acts or threatened to, to make sure it was really said or done, rather than the potential victim. I asked B2 and B3 what and when something was going to be done about this. B2 blew me off, sending an email to a number of people within the organization stating that *I* was worried about it (not naming herself as being worried about it, even though she was also threatened). B2 also stated that if I was that worried about it we should put a security guard outside my door (Maybe this was a nice gesture? But I felt singled out. I was not the only one threatened, so why would I be the only one with a guard? Because I'm weaker than her? I'm more sensitive than her? I'm more scared than her?). I also reminded B2 that I have to conduct E1's performance evaluation in a few short weeks, and that his threatening remarks create a hostile work environment in which I may not feel I can be honest in my assessment of his work based on the threats. B2 disappointed me with her lack of empathy or compassion, even though she doesn't know about my PTSD, shouldn't she still consider that different people process these types of threats differently? She did contact B3 saying I was concerned, so B3 approached me about it. She said she could do nothing until she had a 'written statement" from E2 about what specific statements were said (Really? It has to be written for you to take any kind of action? How about administrative leave for the person who made the threats until an investigation has been conducted?). Several days had gone by so I asked her when she planned to get the written statement from E2 so that the issue could be dealt with. Only me prompting her made her get the statement. In the meantime, I asked her, how serious is this situation? Should I be watching my back? Should I look to see who is in the cars next to me driving home to see if I'm being followed? B3's reply to this was that unfortunately, yes, it was that serious. Well, as you can imagine this sent me into a total tailspin. I'm good at keeping my PTSD to myself, using my medication to stay calm. But yesterday was just so hard.
Those of you who have read my few posts in the recent past know that I get no support from my spouse. So when I came home upset over this issue, I had to hear things like, well, at least he didn't say he was going to kill you. I think you're blowing it out of proportion, etc. etc. etc. I'm sure you are all familiar with the insensitivities.
So, last night I get an email from B3, stating she got the written statement. It noted threats to B1 (E2's wife), and B3, not myself and B2. So, it's been forwarded on to the appropriate personnel and I should not worry about it any longer. Um, I still have to conduct the evaluation in a few weeks. And, I had an extensive conversation with B1 yesterday because she was the first person her husband talked to about the situation. She indicated very specifically that I was named as one of the people threatened, and therefore, I don't believe what B3 said. I have not been allowed to see the written statement, so I have no idea, but of course after going through all of this the past two days, I am still very upset. I regret bringing my fears to B2, as she was no comfort at all, and really made me feel bad for worrying, rather than trying to truly help me. Instead, she sent communications to numerous people to tell them I was having trouble dealing with the potential threat. B3 was a little nicer about the situation, but I feel like I am being placated at this point. My therapist says this may be paranoid behavior, and I don't need to keep worrying about this.
But, as my mental health issues dictate, I do worry and have trouble letting go. Especially after having heightened fear over the past two days regarding this situation, and not being told right away in the first place. It makes me feel they are trying to placate me so I will not force the issue. Still, I have to face this man to conduct his work evaluation, knowing that he may or may not have made threats directly at me and if not at me, he made them to someone - he is clearly not stable.
I'm not sure why I had to write all this down to you all in the forum. Am I looking for advice? Maybe. Am I looking for thoughts, opinions, agreements with how I'm feeling, or disagreements? Maybe. Am I looking for understanding and comfort because I don't get that from my spouse and I have to defend how I feel? Definitely.
Sorry for the super long post.
Months ago, I was asked by the HR dept to deal with one of my employees (let's call him E1) about not fulfilling some of his responsibilities and also for behaving in an unprofessional and intimidating manner to other employees. The complaint came from someone else holding my same position in another department (let's call her B1). B1's husband also works at the same place, in my department, let's call him E2. He had nothing to do with any of the issues.
I called E1 into a meeting with witnesses and very straight forwardly told him his behavior was unprofessional and should not be seen again. I followed up that conversation with an email summarizing the conversation. These conversations and situations are hard for me to deal with because I have cPTSD. But, I am not out at my work for fear of retribution or that they would be looking for ways to remove me from my position. So, I do what they ask as I take a lot of medication to help me through the rough patches. E1 did not accept the conversation and argued that the follow up email was not correct (even though the witnesses there agreed with me). I reminded E1 that this was very important that he understand his responsibilities and what type of behavior is considered professional in the workplace.
Months go by and I hear nothing more until my boss (let's call her B2) and I get called into my boss's boss's office (let's call her B3) asking us about this situation. We explained the whole story, why we had the conversation, and that the original complaints had come from B1. B3 investigated with everyone, told us we did everything right, and responded to E1 that we had done our jobs correctly (B3 became aware of the situation because E1 had gone to complain about B2 and I over the situation - months later, never letting the situation go). Now, at this point, my GAD and PTSD are kicking in, but I just let it go since it seemed like I had upper management support.
Finally, on Thursday of this last week, I am notified by B2 (my boss) that E1 had made threats to E2 (remember he is B1's husband), saying his wife, me, B2, and B3 were out to get him fired, and that if B2 and I were not women he would go to our offices and "beat the shit" out of us. This conversation took place on Tuesday. B1 (the wife) and B3 were made aware of it Tuesday night. B2 (my boss) was made aware of it on Wednesday. I wasn't made aware of it until Thursday. In the meantime, I had been interacting with E1 all week long, not knowing these threats had been made. As soon as the threats had been made known to me, I went into full PTSD mode - panicking and worrying about this angry, unstable individual, still obsessing over being rightfully reminded about his workplace behavior months and months ago. I wanted to know what was going to be done about this issue, because I could feel my anxiety going through the roof. I did not feel my employer was making any attempt to keep me safe other than to tell me (days after the occurrence) that it happened. So, on Friday I pulled the policies about workplace violence, which clearly seemed more geared to protect the alleged perpetrator who either committed violent acts or threatened to, to make sure it was really said or done, rather than the potential victim. I asked B2 and B3 what and when something was going to be done about this. B2 blew me off, sending an email to a number of people within the organization stating that *I* was worried about it (not naming herself as being worried about it, even though she was also threatened). B2 also stated that if I was that worried about it we should put a security guard outside my door (Maybe this was a nice gesture? But I felt singled out. I was not the only one threatened, so why would I be the only one with a guard? Because I'm weaker than her? I'm more sensitive than her? I'm more scared than her?). I also reminded B2 that I have to conduct E1's performance evaluation in a few short weeks, and that his threatening remarks create a hostile work environment in which I may not feel I can be honest in my assessment of his work based on the threats. B2 disappointed me with her lack of empathy or compassion, even though she doesn't know about my PTSD, shouldn't she still consider that different people process these types of threats differently? She did contact B3 saying I was concerned, so B3 approached me about it. She said she could do nothing until she had a 'written statement" from E2 about what specific statements were said (Really? It has to be written for you to take any kind of action? How about administrative leave for the person who made the threats until an investigation has been conducted?). Several days had gone by so I asked her when she planned to get the written statement from E2 so that the issue could be dealt with. Only me prompting her made her get the statement. In the meantime, I asked her, how serious is this situation? Should I be watching my back? Should I look to see who is in the cars next to me driving home to see if I'm being followed? B3's reply to this was that unfortunately, yes, it was that serious. Well, as you can imagine this sent me into a total tailspin. I'm good at keeping my PTSD to myself, using my medication to stay calm. But yesterday was just so hard.
Those of you who have read my few posts in the recent past know that I get no support from my spouse. So when I came home upset over this issue, I had to hear things like, well, at least he didn't say he was going to kill you. I think you're blowing it out of proportion, etc. etc. etc. I'm sure you are all familiar with the insensitivities.
So, last night I get an email from B3, stating she got the written statement. It noted threats to B1 (E2's wife), and B3, not myself and B2. So, it's been forwarded on to the appropriate personnel and I should not worry about it any longer. Um, I still have to conduct the evaluation in a few weeks. And, I had an extensive conversation with B1 yesterday because she was the first person her husband talked to about the situation. She indicated very specifically that I was named as one of the people threatened, and therefore, I don't believe what B3 said. I have not been allowed to see the written statement, so I have no idea, but of course after going through all of this the past two days, I am still very upset. I regret bringing my fears to B2, as she was no comfort at all, and really made me feel bad for worrying, rather than trying to truly help me. Instead, she sent communications to numerous people to tell them I was having trouble dealing with the potential threat. B3 was a little nicer about the situation, but I feel like I am being placated at this point. My therapist says this may be paranoid behavior, and I don't need to keep worrying about this.
But, as my mental health issues dictate, I do worry and have trouble letting go. Especially after having heightened fear over the past two days regarding this situation, and not being told right away in the first place. It makes me feel they are trying to placate me so I will not force the issue. Still, I have to face this man to conduct his work evaluation, knowing that he may or may not have made threats directly at me and if not at me, he made them to someone - he is clearly not stable.
I'm not sure why I had to write all this down to you all in the forum. Am I looking for advice? Maybe. Am I looking for thoughts, opinions, agreements with how I'm feeling, or disagreements? Maybe. Am I looking for understanding and comfort because I don't get that from my spouse and I have to defend how I feel? Definitely.
Sorry for the super long post.
