Nothing Is Good Enough

[Deleted member 31998]

The last 3 weeks I have turned into such an angry person. It happens randomly, although I find it the most prominent when I am in a bank or a notary. It's like nothing exists, nothing is real. Never feeling good enough. Not thin enough, not making enough money, my self worth is nothing. The urge to hurt myself and make myself sick is more present than ever. Just playing the waiting game for mental health help. I just want to know what's wrong with me, to know how to describe it.

I thought I was past this stuff...I'm not a teenager anymore. For 3 years I was doing so well and then it just kind of happened out of nowhere. All I keep thinking is how easy it is; you can walk into traffic and everything would be gone. In a second. Over. Done.

 

[Ronin]

... And then you'd survive walking into the traffic and feel even lesser.

And have waaay lot less ways to fix all of it, than you have now. Plus the feeling awful and depressed would still be there, provided you'd be feeling.

So: Are there any situations you can just go through with life and don't have to feel so much? Something that's not even joyful, doubt that'd be doable right now, but that just gives you a feeling of time passing and not needing that many responses from you?

 

[Deleted member 31998]

... And then you'd survive walking into the traffic and feel even lesser.

And have waaay lot less ways to...

Well I gather the sense that most of these feelings are stemming from the fact that I'm in the middle of a move where I can't draw, do my workouts, have my routine and I don't feel like my job is rewarding. I know this is something I'll get out of and every day gets better. It's more or less wanting to know why these feelings came up out of the blue. Everything is going so perfectly and yet my mind finds a way to go right to finding the worst in everything (which is also unlike me as I love anything that is related to positivity).

 

[Ronin]

Everything is going so perfectly and yet my mind finds a way to go right to finding the worst in everything

<points to the header of the forum>

It's not you, it's this bloody disorder.

 

[Deleted member 31998]

<points to the header of the forum>

It's not you, it's this bloody disorder.

Thank you for letting me know. It's nice to remember that it's not entirely based off of the soul.

 

[Sea_lady]

@Ronin is right: it is not you, it is the disorder.

Sometimes, I start have series of horrible nightmares for no apparent reasons. That's just the brain that is broken, and sometimes, it just relapses.

You can go through this bad time. You can. It's probably just a phase, and once things will stabilize, you'll be able to keep going on with your life. Courage!!